This post was inspired by an answer I wrote to The Good, The Truth, The Beautiful
We all have that Inner Critic to one extent or another. Sometimes it speaks so loudly to us that it cripples us in pain or anguish, it can be very difficult to function in life without anxiety or depression!
I totally understand the difficulty of struggling to live while the Inner Critic rages on or hisses poison into our ears!
With deep gratitude I share with each of you my steps towards healing, and what I learned along the way. So far I’ve written 2 books and a few Guided Journals which contain the wisdom of the journey I followed.
Here’s a few things I learned, in a nutshell:
1) We are deeply loved by the universe, which has our back and is conspiring on our behalf to help us!
2) Damaged people hurt others, healthy people don’t. When our parents hurt us, they do so from their damaged areas. They may not even have started on their own healing, so hoping for a heartfelt apology from someone who may still be in deep denial, can be difficult to accept. Better to gently let them go mentally, to find the path to their own healing.
3) We don’t simply shut off the Inner Critic, instead, we practice speaking gently to ourselves when the Inner Critic surfaces. The Inner Critic is the accumulation of all the lies and hurt we have internalized over the years, either directly by what was said to us, or indirectly by how we were treated.
A few years ago I realized that I didn’t like myself, and that was what gave rise to my Inner Critic, so I set out to teach myself to like myself! I had to start very slowly, and with generalizations, because anything specifically positive didn’t sound right to me!
Every thought we have creates a Neural Pathway, and when we have a lot of the same types of thoughts, wide and deep roads get laid down in our brains! This is how habits are formed! To change those pathways we can’t simply go in and remove those Neural Pathways! We need to create brand new positive ones! Over time we build up new healthier roadways, while the old negative ones gradually fade away from misuse!
This process doesn’t feel natural for a while in the beginning, so please persevere! It does eventually take root, but it will take time, depending on how deep and wide your negative Neural Pathways are!
Remember, we have the power to change our thoughts!
I’m sharing one of my posts where I speak about this, and you will find more links at the bottom for more encouragement and support!
It was only when I started to teach myself to like myself that my inner world started to really change!
Teaching ourselves to like ourselves DOES take time and practice! I’ve shared a number of previous posts (below) where I speak about the process!
When we first start to try to teach ourselves something which is so foreign to us, it doesn’t feel natural or normal!
It feels terrible sometimes! I remember how revolted I felt sometimes when I said something nice to myself! I felt physically sick! I started sweating, and felt a panic attack coming on!
I remember how brutal it felt to say something nice to myself, and not grimace!
It does get better with practice!
Try saying something nice to yourself right now!
How did you feel?
Did it feel good? Were you comfortable saying it?
Or did you struggle, even grimace?
If you struggled saying something nice to yourself, may I suggest starting to set up a gentle practice to do so? Below you’ll find quite a bit of additional help, and in some of those posts are links to other posts!
Trust me, the you will thank yourself in the next few months for starting to do this!
Keep a journal to write your thoughts in, and if you get a Guided Journal or two, all the better!
More encouragement:
- The surprising way I was able to stop myself from worrying, about everything!
- Anxiety Freedom – by Anthony Hopkins
- Anxiety, the illness of our time, comes primarily from our inability to live in the present moment.
- Quiet your busy mind and listen to your inner voice.
- Freeing the Prisoner in our Mind
- An answer to dealing with the Inner Critic!
- A Door or a Hole. Which do you choose?
- There’s a fine line between positivity and denial
- Accepting and Embracing the Depressed Side of Ourselves
- Helping ourselves to ensure that living inside of our head is a nice place to be…
- How social myths contribute to struggling mental health issues
- Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.
- Your past isn’t a life sentence!
- Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.
- Checking in… how have you been doing with speaking kindly to yourself this week?
- When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.
- Nobody talks about this part… these are called growing pains.
- Is suffering necessary? Yes and no.
- Respect your body when it’s asking you for a break. Respect your mind when it’s seeking rest.
- Do not become small for people who refuse to grow!
- Don’t be afraid to start all over again. You may like your new story better.
- An authentic life does not require anyone else’s approval for your creative choices
- Just because you’re struggling does not mean you’re failing
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Blessings!
Thank you for sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara
I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts! Don’t forget to Like, Comment, and Follow my blog! If you want to become a Guest writer, please contact me and we’ll work out the details!
https://tamarakulish.com/ Archived Posts: https://tamarakulish.com/archived-posts/
My books: Now available through Walmart.com!
Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!
Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:
Removing Inner Blocks, Anger Journal, Guided Anxiety Journal Joy & Mindfulness Journal My Boundaries Journal My Inner Thoughts Journal
Thanks for buying my books on Amazon!
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Tamara Kulish 
You have such wonderful insights ❤️ 🌸 💜
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😊🌸🌸 why thank you so very much! I appreciate your kind words! Blessings!!
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We are deeply loved by the universe, which has our back and is conspiring on our behalf to help us–yes, I truly believe this.
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😊🌸 thanks!
This was a huge turning point for me to realize this! I went from being anxious that I’d never find approval from God/the Creator/the universe, to realizing that I already had it!
Switching from what the last church I had attended had taught me, to learning more affirming and supportive thoughts, helped to reduce and remove my anxieties!
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Hurt people hurt people – This is very comforting to know and live by, and also take responsibility for our own healing. It is very good to read from you always and have these reminders of self love and self care reinforced.
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😊🥰 my pleasure, as always! For me this was a huge epiphany to learn that the people who hurt me were damaged and in turn hurt others. I had taken it so personally before, bit once I learned that, it helped me to take that emotional step back and be able to look more objectively! Not taking things personally really helped me in so many ways.
This wasn’t an Aha moment where I was able to just pivot and change, but was a process!
As I practiced more and more self care this became easier!
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So affirming always to read your comments too, yes it is a process to transition to consistent self-care and have distant compassion for those hurt once without taking personally. It is so tremendous and so good to have wise company like you 🙏🏼💛🙌🏼
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🌸😎😊 thank you! Your words bring me deep joy! I feel blessed to connect with you!
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An important share. Thank you, Tamara. The topic of inner critic comes up in the writing workshops I help with. For some, the inner critic can be debilitating. 😞
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It absolutely can be a killer! Anyone who has come from a critical or abusive past has internalized the negative messages and they play back on ‘repeat’ many times over don’t they?
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Oh, so painfully true, for many. 😢 I have mostly silenced mine, but I do understand. I think my ability to override mine, has a lot to do with the life stage I find myself in. 🌻
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That’s amazing! I wasn’t able to silence or stuff my Inner Critic down per se, because it kept trying to resurface. I had to do the work of laying down some brand new positive Neural Pathways! This was my secret sauce to be able to finally move forward!
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It is a journey. Maybe another key is continuing to create and move forward – not letting self-doubt steal the show. The only “show” (this life) we have, right? Thank you for sharing your journey and your positive messages.
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My pleasure! ‘Continuing to create and move forward’ love this! We’re always creating our current situations and future, whether we realize it or not! Much better to do it with eyes wide open and a heart ready to receive!
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So great encouragement! Thank you, Tamara!
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😎😎 thank you! Trying to keep putting out positive thoughts!!
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