10 Steps to Owning Our Happiness

Taken from 10 Steps to Owning Our Happiness first published  by HTTPS://TAMARAKULISH.COM/

Quite a while ago I came across a post by on WordPress, entitled “Expectations and Choices” (which may no longer be on the site). They ended their post with the question:

“Happiness deferred to be enjoyed at the end, or finding happiness all along the journey?”

I really love how Prash laid it out: to choose joy and happiness at each decision point vs. waiting until the end, for realistically, not all of us will live long enough to get to the endpoint!

We’ve all known people who defer their happiness in the name of completing their goal, yet goals can shift imperceptibly, getting more elusive as time passes, leaving people stuck in a life habit of not enjoying their lives in the present time!

I’ve been doing my best to practice mindful gratefulness, which by itself is difficult, for in order to achieve it I had to realize that at each point along my journey, I’ve made the very best decision possible, given the facts and the tools I had on hand at that time. This freed up my mind from feeling anxious or guilty to seeking to enjoy more and more in my day-to-day life!

When I consciously remember this I can give myself permission to relax into being grateful, rather than scolding myself and feeling guilty about how a situation was playing out.

By removing the negative self-talk, I was able to remove the feelings of depression and anxiety and become more open to seeing opportunities when they come up, instead of allowing my inner sense of unworthiness to reign and then to force me to pay penance for a poor decision. That was such a negative cycle to have been caught up in!”

So, what are the steps we can follow to get to own our “Happiness”?

  1. Live in the moment by focusing on what is actually going on and not what we fear might happen, how it appears to others, etc.
  2. Realize our lives are constantly evolving and we are constantly learning new ways to approach even old problems.
  3. By absorbing the first two points, we can find some comfort to know that we make the best decisions possible, at a given moment, based on the tools we have on hand.
  4. This is a very important step in the process: When you learn more tools, you’ll be tempted to look back on old decisions, and berate yourself for “not knowing better”.

    Please don’t come down hard on yourself! Please forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now!

    Please do give yourself permission to grow as you go!
  5. Please release the inner martyr! The Martyr loves to punish us for “bad” decisions, and for many of us, that has meant “doing penance” as an unhealthy way of trying to make up for choosing something we later regret.
  6. Please realize that even “bad” decisions can lead us to incredible transformations in our inner selves and in the very structure of our lives, so we’re never a lost cause and “all is not lost”!
  7. Now relax! The above steps, when mindfully put into action help us to remove the negativity that helps to trap us into that downward spiral of anxiety and depression.

    It’s very hard to move forward when we keep reliving our past decisions and keep beating ourselves up for it.
  8. The next step: Mindful Gratefulness

    Yes! Within every situation there is a possibility for the Universe to bring us the lesson we need, the opportunity for change and growth, the wisdom to help someone else just behind us on their journey, and a few other possibilities, known only to us and the Universe!

    We can find much to be grateful for, even in very “common” things in our lives, that if those were removed, our lives just wouldn’t be the same!

    Please remember to be grateful for the negativity you’ve been able to remove! Good job!
  9. Acceptance: We hear a lot about acceptance, usually in reference to accepting whatever situation we’re currently in.

    I think it goes deeper: when we accept ourselves and the decisions we’ve made, as being the best possible for who we were at the time, and for the tools we possessed, I think we come to a more peaceful acceptance of our life.

    Does this kind of acceptance mean we can’t change or evolve?

    No! Future growth is also part of this acceptance package, for when we accept who we were, we are able to welcome new opportunities for change!
  10. Welcome new opportunities for change!

    We don’t have to blindly say yes to every single opportunity or choice that comes our way, in the name of being open.

    When we mull things through our decision making process, whether it is cerebral, instinctual, religious or spirit based, we reach a point of knowing if we will choose to step down that new turn in our road.

    Sometimes we don’t even need to say yes to a new opportunity, just going through the process with our new tools, allows us to have a victory, knowing that saying no is the best thing for us!

We can’t always follow these points in a consecutive manner, rather, our efforts may be a little scattered when we’re first starting for its human nature to resist change, even for the better!

So if you’ve started on your path towards owning your happiness, please be gentle with yourself! Keep practicing and you will get there! 🙂

Peace to you!
Tamara

Click on any of the images below to go directly to its Fine Art America page!

Here are a few links to further help you:

Setting “Boundaries with consequences”

Red Ocean or Blue Ocean? How do you think?

Making a change… “How do I take that first step?”

An answer to dealing with the Inner Critic!

“What if it really were up to me? Could I do it?”

Do you need permission to start your dream activity?

Teaching ourselves to like, even to love ourselves is the best gift we can give ourselves!

Baby steps serve a purpose to allow us to keep moving forward!

Do all that you can… the universe loves each of us and is working things out on our behalf!

By changing our inner dialogue, we change EVERYTHING!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara
https://tamarakulish.com/ Archived Posts: https://tamarakulish.com/archived-posts/

My books: Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audio book available!

Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:

Removing Inner Blocks,    Anger Journal,    Guided Anxiety Journal    Joy & Mindfulness Journal     My Boundaries Journal   My Inner Thoughts Journal   

Thanks for buying my books on Amazon!

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8 thoughts on “10 Steps to Owning Our Happiness

  1. we make the best decisions possible, at a given moment, based on the tools we have on hand – this speaks to me the most prominently and I feel fulfilled at embracing this fully. I feel this is an important reminder required as often as possible for most. And then the attitude of Gratitude is what brought the most transformation for me. Regardless of what anything seems like, there is always room for gratitude. The one who can find it from wherever they stand, wins the jackpot of magic of life! :))) I loved reading your post that thoroughly describes how happiness is our responsibility right here right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Agree 100%! Our responsibility to ourselves includes healing the past damage which is actually the barrier to our developing happiness! Thankfully we can do this!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this post!!! I was brought up with the idea that you could only be happy once you achieved something, so it took a while to start looking for happiness along the journey. Destination happiness is SO short lived – it is the journey that should be enjoyed and celebrated.
    The inner martyr is so annoying – I see so many people living their lives like that – and it is so bumming out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally agree with you! I have seen too many people delay starting activities they really wanted to do, saying they’d do it when they retire. Many hit retirement years in poor health due to unhealthy lifestyle choices so they never really got to enjoy their time. They were very resentful of me through the years for honoring my spirit and doing the things that brought me joy. Even though I was a martyr in other ways, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice creating art because I needed it to breathe. No I wasn’t a full time artist, I had to work 8-5, but doing those creative pursuits allowed the drudgery of a job to be tolerable, even livable!

      I highly recommend that people do the things which bring them joy even if they have hobbies for years!

      Like

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