Do you know the things that help keep couples together… and happy? Many of us struggle to know and then to implement the behaviors that help a relationship.

Happiness in a relationship does not require grand gestures or fairy-tale romance – it’s all about simple moments between two people.  Couples that stay together don’t have any special secrets. Rather, they make small, consistent efforts to support one another, do chores together, and just be together. These habits are the ways they establish trust, love and sustain the relationship, no matter what life brings them.

Couples Who Do These 11 Things For Each Other Are The Happiest Of All, by Hasthi Wand

According to Couples Who Do These 11 Things For Each Other Are The Happiest Of All, by Hasthi Wand these are the things that make a difference:

1. They Show Appreciation Often
   “Happy couples practice showing appreciation to each other every day. They don’t take things for granted, from cooking to doing the laundry to offering a listening ear. Just a “thank you” or “I appreciate you” tells them they’re important. That appreciation ties them together and prevents them from feeling disconnected, because both partners feel valued for the little things they’ve done.”
   
   There’s often a tendency to start taking one another for granted after the newness wears off, because we grow to expect the other person to be there and do all the marvelous things they do. Those are such romance killers and relationships start to get rocky from the resentments that start to build. By becoming aware that the person we love does so much for us, we can replace expectations with gratitude, for we never know what life has in store for us do we? Isn’t it better to build happy memories of feeling joy and gratitude instead of feeling entitled and grumpy?
   
   Gratitude, Joy and Synchronicity
   Want another dose of gratitude with that?!
   Everything comes to you in the right moment. Be patient. Be grateful.
   Gratitude attracts more reasons to be grateful!
   Did you know these things about GRATITUDE?
   GRATITUDE in advance is the most powerful creative force in the Universe
   Becoming more positive; Be in a state of gratitude for everything – new viewpoints below…
   Speak of the past gratefully…
   Affirmations: In every moment I have a choice. I’ve chosen to feel grateful. I’ve chosen to be joyful.
   Living the circle of life… giving and receiving in gratitude
   
2. They Listen Without Judging
   “Listening is one of the most important ways happy couples show respect. They make it comfortable for one another to express themselves about anything, because they actually listen and do not judge. When one is upset or has something to say, the other doesn’t interrupt or dismiss what they’re feeling. They don’t assume or make conclusions, which is useful because they understand each other. This openness builds confidence, and they feel comfortable sharing their real thoughts and emotions.“
   
   Listening without judging is a very important skill to cultivate. How often do we project our thoughts and intentions onto other people? How often do we assume we know what the other person will say, because we’ve known them for a longer period of time? When we speak to ourselves harshly and we then ten to turn that outwards to other people. So the secret to learning to listen carefully to others without judging them is to learn to do that for ourselves too! Who knew?!
   
   Deep listening
   A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.
   Choosing Our Thoughts: From Adventures of the Soul!
   Changing your belief system with positive thoughts can change your world…
   Are you consciously opting out of the “Loser” myth?
   You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.
   Time to Change the Negative Tapes!
   By changing our inner dialogue, we change EVERYTHING!
   
3. They Support Each Other’s Goals
   “Happy couples are one another’s cheerleaders. When one spouse sets a goal, whether it’s a promotion, a business or healthier lifestyle, the other supports and cheers them on. They cheer for each other during wins and support each other during failures. This spirit of teamwork gives them the feeling that they’re not in this by themselves. They feel motivated to continue because they know their partner supports them and it strengthens the relationship.“
   
   Everything within reason! Some people interpret supporting one another’s dreams and goals as a cart blanche to doing anything and everything they want. When a couple sits down together to discuss new ideas and goals, it’s important to think about the budget needed, the timeline it is expected to take, the amount of energy each person has, if one person will be taking on a larger load of the chores and child rearing jobs, and lastly, is it something reasonable to do? Keeping flexible is an important aspect to keep in mind, for life likes to throw us curve balls doesn’t it?!
   
   Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.
   The Art of Giving ourselves permission to move ahead with a dream
   Dreaming, imagining, planning a new future
   A Neat Trick for Setting Goals
   Don’t call it a dream, call it a plan!
   V1: Luck is What Happens When Opportunity Meets Preparedness!
   V2: Luck is What Happens When Opportunity Meets Preparedness!
   Look for that which you want to see
   What I’m walking towards is far more significant than what I’m leaving behind.
   If an egg is broken by outside force, life ends. If broken by inside force, life begins. Great things always begin from inside.
   
4. They Apologize When They’re Wrong
   “Happy couples know how to admit mistakes. When they say or do something that is offensive, they apologize right away. They don’t let ego get in the way. In apologizing, they show that they care about one another’s feelings and that they are interested in correcting the problem. This openness to willingness prevents little things from becoming big and strengthens their bond by making it clear that they both value each other’s wellbeing.”
   
   Taking ownership of our actions is a hallmark of emotionally mature people. Blame-shifting is such a relationship killer; it might feel good in the moment not to have to take on the responsibility or the consequences of our actions, but each time we do it, know that the people around us see what we’re doing (even if they don’t say anything) and they lose respect for us, piece by piece, because we’re showing a lack of integrity. Likewise, people who take ownership of their actions show integrity, particularly when they make efforts not to repeat the same mistakes – this is a helpful piece for feeling one can give grace freely.
   
   Our best intentions often fall to the wayside…
   We’re all a work in progress
   You’re not selfish for wanting the same energy and love you give.
   What are the benefits of staying a victim, vs. becoming a protagonist in our own lives, and how do we do that?
   We need a Compass… Or more specifically, a Moral Compass!
   If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading!
   
5. They Share Responsibilities
   “Happy couples don’t leave all the chores and responsibilities to one person. They work together – be it financial management, meals, cleaning or family duties. This collaboration keeps one person from feeling overwhelmed or undervalued. Working together shows mutual respect for one another’s time and energy, so that life is balanced. They are not constantly stressed or fighting over housework.“
   
   With 2 people working to support their households, shared chores and childrearing just makes sense. To place everything on one person’s shoulders is unfair and out of date. Yes, men used to have full-time stay at home wives, but those days for the most part, are long gone. A partnership works out better for both people, particularly if the husband wants sex from his wife. Not that she withholds it, but if she’s too exhausted from doing all the work and planning, sleep is what’s on her mind, not sex!
   
   Being spiritually awakened goes hand in hand with being deeply involved in ‘ordinary’ life, not withdrawn from it.
   “How may I serve you?”
   What is Toxic Femininity? Is it similar to Toxic Masculinity?
   Alpha male? Beta male? …maybe a Gamma male? Or what?
   Housework, childcare. Who’s work?? Yours, mine, ours?
   
6. They Spend Quality Time Together
   “Happy couples understand that time together is important even when life is busy. They do not just sit in the same room – they interact with one another. This might be a trip over the weekend, or a nice movie night, or a neighborhood walk. These are moments they value and it makes them come together and create memories. Spending time together keeps their relationship fresh and strong.“
   
   ‘Netflix and Chill’ is a popular activity of many couples, but sitting around watching movies of other people living their lives ends up being soul stifling in the long run. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching movies, but they’re not going to occupy most of my time. Couples who do things together such as developing mutual interests together, going for walks, exercising together, doing DIY together, going to cultural or sporting events, socializing together, etc. have more satisfaction in their relationship than those who have nothing to stimulate their minds, or bodies!
   
   Be mindful, extremely selective and intentional about people you allow into your life.
   Let yourself be drawn by what you really love; it will not lead you astray!
   Training ourselves to use the gift of time
   Do you need permission to start your dream activity?
   Must You Choose Only One or Two Activities for Life and Retirement?
   You only live once? False. You live everyday!
   
7. They Respect Each Other’s Independence
   “Even in a long-term relationship, loving couples appreciate privacy. They give each other free time to indulge their interests, hang out with friends, or be alone. This autonomy also allows each partner to rejuvenate and re-energize the relationship. They don’t feel smothered or trapped. This marriage of solidarity and freedom makes them feel closer and more satisfied.“
   
   Personal autonomy is important, no matter if we’re single or in a relationship. It isn’t being disloyal to the other person to still be one’s own person. Blending so completely so that one’s self is erased isn’t healthy, it very co-dependent. Maintaining healthy a personal sense of self doesn’t mean the person is keeping secrets from the other; we all just need to be able to have our own thoughts and personal space. People will continue to learn and to gow throughout their lives, and when one person is stifled so the other can feel more loved or important, there then exists deep emotional unhealthiness in that situation.
   
   As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
   Make someone smile everyday, but never forget that you are someone too.
   Loving Ourselves… means we don’t always put ourselves LAST!
   Remind yourself that you cannot fail at being yourself
   By being yourself you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before!
   You’re not selfish for wanting the same energy and love you give.
   Take that break to reconnect back with yourself! Where does that guilt come from when we do?
   
8. They Laugh Together
   “Laughter is one of the easiest and most effective means of maintaining a happy marriage. Happy couples make jokes, tease each other, & smile through hard times. That mutual laughter not only keeps them from being serious but keeps the relationship fun. Even after disagreements, a little humor helps calm things down. The laughter helps them to make memories and bring back the fun side of their relationship.”
   
   Yes, being able to laugh together is definitely a healthy part of any relationship, and after a couple has been together for a while, the shared laughter and shared amusement helps to defuse many situations that could otherwise spiral if each person were looking to lay blame or to find faults. We’re all going to make mistakes, how we choose to handle them is crucial to being able to keep moving forward together or just slowly falling away from each other.
   
   Laugh!! It’s really good for you!
   When the elephants poop in the ring… and other unexpected things!
   Gratitude, Joy and Synchronicity
   How to set joyful goals
   If you focus too hard on the problem, the solution can often evade you.
   Look for something positive in every day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.
   One positive individual can counteract the negativity of 750,000 others.
   There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.
   Start having fun on the way!
   
9. They Practice Forgiveness
   “Happy couples know that holding grudges will harm their relationship in the long run. If one person makes a mistake, the other is happy to forgive and move on. They never fixate on the past or raise the old arguments. Rather, they focus on the present and the positive. Forgiving is one of the ways they keep resentment from ruining trust and intimacy. Forgiving each other is also a sign that they care about each other’s relationship and not about trivial differences.“
   
   We’re told to “forgive and to forget” but we’ve gotten it kind of twisted up. Some think it means we need to do it every time, no matter what, and for some people it becomes their “get-out-of-jail-free” card permitting them to just do as they please even if it is bothersome or hurtful to others. Saying sorry needs to be followed up with genuine efforts to change, to find a better solution, instead of just continuing with their old behavior. When someone does make efforts to grow and change, holding their past mistakes or actions over their head serves no purpose than to make the speaker feel superior.
   
   Forgiving is difficult, and doesn’t equal allowing the person to hurt us again!
   Forgiving to overcome
   XXX’ed Out! Mistakes and blame.
   Everyone is my teacher.
   Forgiveness… the mother of a mass shooter learns a profound lesson from the parents of the children who died.
   Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.
   Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves!
   
10. They Show Affection
    “Affection is a daily habit for happy couples. They don’t wait for special days to express love. Little things like a hug, a kiss, holding hands, or just a touch on the shoulder, really do count. These little affectionate gestures make them feel secure, loved, and part of something. Physical intimacy secures their relationship and enables them to express love without words, as they remind one another how happy they are to be together.“
    
    Affection is a gift that benefits both people, when it is done in a loving and giving spirit. If one person is doing it in order to score “Brownie points” with the other, then at some point the truth will come out, the other person will know they were manipulated. In a loving relationship, affection is given. Physical affection, an affectionate glance, affectionate words, an affectionate tone of voice… these are all part of the love that flows between a couple who care for one another.
    
    Today I just want to give you some love!
    …all that will have really mattered is how we treated each other!
    
11. They Communicate Openly
    “Open communication is the key to a successful relationship. Happy couples are honest and talk about whatever’s on their mind – whether it’s about small things or big things. They never keep things to themselves or allow them to simmer. They just talk about it when things come up. This openness limits misperceptions and connects them. Talking together puts them on the same page and they become real partners, striving towards the same cause.”
    
    Communicating openly works best when both sides can listen without judging or taking what’s being said personally. Not all of us are able to do this, it doesn’t come naturally, so we need to work on it. Healing from our past is an integral part of this too.
    
    Misunderstandings in communication styles can lead to deep divides and fighting, Part 1
    Misunderstandings in communication styles, Part 2, the physical aspect
    Changing how we speak to ourselves
    By changing our inner dialogue, we change EVERYTHING!
    How to stop taking things personally
    Build someone up. Remind them they’re worthy.
    Be an encourager. Telling people they have wonderful wings won’t take away your ability to fly.
    Allowing 2 truths to coexist isn’t nuts!

There’s a lot of food for thought here. If you’re seeing a bunch of things to change in yourself and your relationship, please remember to take it slowly! Start with baby steps! I know this seems counter-intuitive, but this is actually the best way to make lasting, impactful changes!
BE PATIENT when it seems thing are not going right
Do what you can with what you have!
Overcoming the Impossible! Here’s a few steps to make it happen!
Be kind to past versions of yourself that didn’t know the things you now know.
A new you! Is this possible?
We’re all a work in progress
Remember to treat yourself kindly when your emotions are beating your brain up.
Change the tapes!
Baby steps serve a purpose to allow us to keep moving forward!
Baby steps start the whole change happening!

A final thought:
The last line may explain why some men have negative experiences with women!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
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