Your emotions: the quiet lazy River or the roller coaster?

My emotions can occasionally go on the roller coaster rails, usually when I’m not happy. Usually when I’m stressed and feeling trapped.

Otherwise, when my life is manageable and calm, I am happy to just float on the quiet lazy River and let life take me along!

It took a lot of inner work to reach this point, for having come out of severe criticism in my youth I had become very judgemental and hateful towards myself.

I was anxious, sometimes depressed, usually stressed, and had difficulty just trusting that the universe had my best interests at heart because I had come to believe that I deserved all the difficulties and the trials I had gone through!

Being able to just float along the quiet lazy river of trust in my mind was an impossible notion in those years!

It just didn’t seem possible that I could do that, because I was so tightly wound up, always expecting the proverbial “other shoe” to drop.

So, for me, a huge hallmark of my healing was just to be able to release any worries I might feel when something upsetting came up, and to just have a sense of “knowing” that everything is being worked out for my greater good by the Universe!

I went through this in the past year, when I was doing my extended job search.

I was laid off at the beginning of the pandemic, in May 2020. Only in March 2021 did I land a temp job.

During my forced time at home, I wrote and published my newest book Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It. I found myself grateful to have been given this time to work on this big project, for working on it part-time while I worked would definitely have taken me longer. I published it in November 2020, so having those months to work on it was wonderful!

During that time off I also helped my daughter fix up and paint the exterior of her house, creating some great curb appeal!

I got heavily into my job search in the New Year of 2021 and was called by one of my recruiters for a temp position. Since it was a lower salary than what I was looking for I kept searching for something permanent elsewhere, but I had a strong feeling about it, so I said yes to the recruiter.

I had quite a number of very promising interviews, where it was down to the wire between me and another candidate. Each and every time I prayed over that job, asking to be placed where I NEEDED to be placed.

To my consternation, every single one of those promising jobs fell away. I was starting to experience self-doubt, anxiety was slowly creeping up and I was struggling not to feel desperation! I was very sure with each job that was where I could be happy! I had to keep reminding myself that I hadn’t asked to be placed where I could make buckets of money, or where I’d be happy, but instead, I had asked to be placed where I was NEEDED!

I need never have worried! It was my old fears coming up and wasn’t the reality I was living!

As it turned out, there was a brand new job created and posted on the organization’s website, and one of my colleagues kept telling me to apply. Finally, I did, and the Interim President approached me asking if I wished to have the job.

The Universe knew months before that this job would be created and posted, so when I kept praying to be placed where I was NEEDED, those other jobs I was interviewing for simply slid away because that wasn’t where I was needed!

Yes, looking back 20/20 hindsight showed me the whole picture, how everything fit together, but I also see it wasn’t just wishful thinking on my part to try to make sense of what was going on. I see that there was a definite plan for me, that I was being guided.

Sometimes when it seems like the doors remain shut, it simply means there is something else planned for us!

Learning to trust the Universe and God, takes time and practice, for we aren’t always immediately very good at it. If we’ve been through many difficulties in life where trust was broken or if we felt crushed, being able to feel trusting of the Universe does take practice and effort!

Our inner critic surfaces, offering unkind words to our hearts, telling us that maybe we aren’t worthy after all.

The answer to overcoming this inner critic requires patiently and repetitively speaking kind words to ourselves, practicing suspending judgment, and doing the tough inner work to heal from past traumas.

If you give yourself the time to do this work I’m sure you’ll be very pleased with the results which come out of it!

Be patient with yourself, for it does take time and perseverance to work it through!

A very important reminder to each of you: You ARE worthy! You ARE loved! You DO have a purpose! You HAVEN’T been forgotten!

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17 thoughts on “Your emotions: the quiet lazy River or the roller coaster?

  1. I love your description of riding on a roller coaster vs floating on a lazy river of trust in life. The roller coaster was such a norm in the past, I couldn’t imagine the lazy river, and now more often vice versa. I agree it takes a tremendous journey of inner work to arrive here, a complete change in our internal wiring as if, moving away from conditioning and approval seeking. Your accomplishments are so amazing inspiration to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Why thank you so much my friend! Yes, truly the journey to go from one inner place to another is like traveling from one planet to another isn’t it?!

      For anyone seeking a quick and easy solution, they may give up, disappointed in the process, but the old adage that we get out what we put in is so true!

      Previously I would never have thought it possible to do but having now done it I know it takes perseverance! I love in gratitude for being able to live in this state!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That inner critique is someone who talks so much you can start to believe it.

    This year has been a difficult one for me too and I started telling myself it was hopeless and I deserved it.

    It was through giving this suffering meaning I started thinking the challenges were meant to be to make me stronger, greater and eventually overcome them.

    Often when that negative critique comes out I’ll now just tell it to shut up out loud!

    Congratulations on your progress over the last year – it’s a great success to write a book, find the right job for you and get to appreciate other things in life like the time with your daughter to decorate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! Yes, that inner critic can get loud! I found that I needed to retrain my brain into not just spewing out harsh negative things but to teach it to become gentler with me! I’m happy to say that the very hard work I did has paid off, because this round of difficulties was easier to deal with mentally and emotionally than my past difficulties, so I see that as a success!

      Of course the inner work continues, as I speak nice things to myself to keep my spirits up!

      I have come to believe that our difficulties aren’t there to punish us or to crush us, but to provide us with opportunities for growth and learning!

      Years ago I had someone tell me we agree to all our troubles before coming into this life, because our spirit knows what we need to learn and to grow.

      I take that also to mean that our spirit knows that we have the inner strength and ability to come through it, even though it might not feel that way in the moment!

      Cheers to you and to your own efforts to overcome! You’ve got this!


  3. I love this wonderful narrative recap of the journey you’ve been on. These lines “Learning to trust the Universe and God, takes time and practice, for we aren’t always immediately very good at it. If we’ve been through many difficulties in life where trust was broken or if we felt crushed, being able to feel trusting of the Universe does take practice and effort!” speak so much to me. They point to the fact that trust doesn’t come without having our own personal buttons pushed.

    Congratulations — on the book, the house painting, the job and most of all showing up and telling us all about your journey and work! Sending my best – Wynne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so very much! Yes, trust doesn’t always come easily! We need to learn it and sometimes relearn it over and over again!

      Worrying gives us an illusion of having control, but as we know, that’s just an illusion which makes us feel stressed out!

      Liked by 1 person

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