Note: This post was originally published on March 23, 2021, and has been added to!

“Love is NOT all you need!
You need mutual respect.
You need support.
You need boundaries.
You need people to be there when it matters.
You need space to grow and acceptance when you do.
You need people to show their love in a way you can understand.”
– Nedra Tawwab

Smile! Now doesn’t this make so much sense?!

Unfortunately we all believed a musical myth (sorry Beatles!) when we heard “All you need is love!” We stopped looking for real compatibility, respect, maturity, when we thought that OUR love could fill in all the gaps and fix the flaws!

Of course, love is very, very important! It’s not the ONLY thing we need however! To be emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy we need all the things listed in the quote above! When we don’t have those things, and I’m sure most of us have experienced negative relationships where those things were lacking, we were deeply affected emotionally, spiritually and physically!

I have learned we need those things not only in our relationships with other people, but we also need them in our relationship with our-self! Be bold, be courageous, go after what you need by starting with your relationship with yourself! Everything flows outward from there!

Valentine’s Day is seen as a day of love where we celebrate outward love between 2 people, and unfortunately so many people get depressed because they aren’t in a couple relationship. Some will hastily connect with someone just so they won’t feel all alone, yet when we have developed a healthy relationship with ourselves, we don’t feel the intense pangs of LACK!

So what is love? A fellow blogger has written a lovely post where she shows what love is and isn’t: K E Garland: Monday Notes: Love is…

I’ve also compiled a bunch of other great posts for you to explore this topic more and to gain support and insight to develop a healthy sense of self and to learn how to like yourself!

Love is not what you say. Love is what you do. It is easy to say we love someone, and then live in a selfish or self-centered way. Our actions matter. Likewise, if we choose to believe someone else’s love bombing, we may feel a deep sense of betrayal or confusion when their actions don’t end up matching their words!

We’ve all heard to the advice to love ourselves, then we will be able to love in a healthier way, but how is that even possible when we may not LIKE ourselves very much? You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. If you have been trying to change how you speak to yourself, but still struggle: Checking in… how have you been doing with speaking kindly to yourself this week? Here’s more help: Changing our thoughts and habits Part 1: how does it physically work in the brain? and Changing our thoughts and habits Part 2: how does it physically work in our body?

Got more for you:

• Give yourself the love that you deserve and you will receive the love that you deserve
• XOXO I am enough, I love myself
• Find your soul tribe, Stay positive and Love yourself!
• Somewhere someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer!
• Give yourself some love!
• Dear me, I’m discovering I like you!!
• Always remember just how rare you are!
• Fill your own cup first, you’re no good to anyone with an empty cup!
• Make someone smile everyday, but never forget that you are someone too.
• Affirmation: Deep at the center of my being there is an infinite well of love
• Self-worth is so vital to your happiness
• Remember to treat yourself kindly when your emotions are beating your brain up.
• The power of love is the strongest force in the universe.
• You’re not selfish for wanting the same energy and love you give.

You may be looking to make changes in your life in order to feel less self-recrimination or even hatred, but have no clue how to move towards the ways of thinking that will bring you greater satisfaction and happiness.

• As you start to walk on the way, it appears.
• Let yourself be drawn by what you really love; it will not lead you astray!
• Awakening is not changing who you are, but discarding who you are not.
• Don’t be afraid to start all over again. You may like your new story better.
• The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others.
• Even if we disagree about everything, we can still be kind to each other.
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards, and/or expectations wasn’t really stable enough to begin with.
• If an egg is broken by outside force, life ends. If broken by inside force, life begins. Great things always begin from inside.

Got some uplifting and supportive thoughts to help lift you up.

• You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty or unworthy!
• Never think you don’t have an impact!
• Affirmation: All that I need to know at any given moment is revealed to me. I trust myself and I trust Life.
• I don’t think people realize how much strength it takes to pull yourself out of a dark place mentally. So if you’ve done that today, I’m proud of you.
• One moment can change a day, One day can change a life and One life can change the world
• How people treat you is their karma… How you react is yours…
• Today will be what it is. I will be who I am. And there will be beauty in both.
• Being happy is a very personal thing and it really has nothing to do with anyone else.

Love is an amazing thing, but unless we ourselves become healthier and healed, we will continually seek out the very things that will try to break or destroy us, simply because we filter everything out that doesn’t match with how we feel and perceive things right now. It isn’t something that happens on a conscious level, yet when we look back at our past relationships, we may question why we keep choosing the SAME type of unhealthy relationships.

Yes, we may be able to snag the girl or the guy of our dreams, but unless we heal and grow, we will end up sabotaging the relationship!

Don’t worry, all is not lost! You definitely can learn and grow to have healthy relationships. Our own healing is often overlooked but it is the secret sauce to having the relationships we crave. The more we heal, the less we will find it acceptable to not be treated in shoddy ways!

Does it sound strange that the key to having a wonderful relationship is to do our inner work? Our society has gotten us brainwashed into thinking the OTHER person holds the keys to our happiness, and when we find ourselves deeply unhappy in a relationship we blame them!

When we do our own inner work, we will no longer be drawn to the people who have the same types of unhappiness or unhealed hearts! It isn’t that we ABANDON the hurt people, we just no longer feel that intense connection nor the desire to be in an intimate relationship to help them!

Love is complex, and choosing to develop a healthy relationship inside of our own heads and hearts is the key to attracting someone who would know how to love us in a healthy way!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Blessings!
Thank you for sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

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