by Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/

What do women really want if they don’t need a man’s wallet?

I’m concerned by the number of videos posted by men stating it’s sexist or goes against the natural order if a woman doesn’t want them for their wallet. HUH? There’s also a bunch of men in videos lamenting about women no longer wanting a traditional relationship, and all they want is someone to make them a sandwich while wearing a cute dress.

The men seem genuinely lost and confused about what a woman could possibly want in them if they don’t need to be provided for financially. I’m not going to get into the absurd number of videos where men appear to be very angry with women, for a variety of reasons.

On the other hand, I see videos from women saying they want an equal partner in life, someone who will carry the load with them instead of dumping everything on their shoulders.

There’s a huge disconnect going on in the dating world and in relationships, and too many people are angry, disillusioned and unhappy.

Women’s Liberation became a paradox

“Women’s liberation” was intended to give women more autonomy in life instead of tying them to a man, sometimes any man, to be able to have a roof over her head and to be able to eat meals regularly. The price women paid for “being allowed out of the house” was to prove she could handle a full-time job and that she’d still take care of the kids and the housework.

That was a great deal for men for a decade or so. There was now extra income in the house, but with the rise of inflation in the 70s, the extra paycheck became a requirement to pay the bills that one salary previously was able to manage. Men still had their meals cooked, their laundry washed, and the kids taken care of.

Women? Well women woke up to the fact that they had made a deal with the Devil, so to speak, as they had to handle a now massive physical workload. Women realized they were exhausted. They were getting burned out. Their mental health was suffering. They also wanted their partner to care enough about her to want to do something about it by sharing the load instead of leaving all on her shoulders.

With inflation continuing unabated, life being expensive, and expensive tech an integral and necessary part of life, women in the workforce are a financial necessity not a luxury. There are also many single parent families, out of necessity, so again, women in the workforce are a necessity, not to mention many single women now choosing to live a single life.

I am an older female who is supporting herself and prefer to be single, not have to feel that I need to find a man in order to be able to eat and have a roof over my head, and I’m grateful not to have been born in a time where those were my choices. If I can have some companionship that would be nice, but I’m not out looking.

So what are women wanting now?

Women are looking for life partners in men. Someone to share the financial and physical burdens of life, and also someone to enjoy life with. There are a lot of women video creators who are asking for men to also be emotionally mature, able to handle life’s difficult moments without exploding in anger or shutting them out.

Life is more than paying the bills. Ideally 2 people will share similar interests in life, enjoy each other’s sense of humor and want to spend time with one another.

What are the roadblocks?

After decades of unsatisfactory marriages and dating, it seems like there is a lot of anger, disillusionment and hopelessness felt by both men and women. This is resulting in a lot of blame-shifting, which in turn seems to fuel a lot of these videos that are dominating the social media spheres.

Until each person is able to work on themselves, to grow, learn, heal and evolve, there will continue to be unrealistic expectations of one another and a lot of angry finger-pointing. We cannot expect anything to change unless we ourselves are willing to become open to how we may need to grow as individuals to become a better partner.

Alpha male and King or Queen syndrome is creating a lot of unhealthy expectations and behaviors

I’m dismayed at some of the “alpha male” videos where they declare that wiping their butts after going to the toilet is now deemed “gay”. Since when is basic hygiene linked to one’s perceived sexuality? What’s up with other basic human behaviors now being labeled as “gay”? Why is an Alpha seen as the best role model a man can aspire to?

Narcissistic and entitled behavior has skyrocketed, a lot in part due to social media trends. Self-proclaimed Kings and Queens are announcing themselves as deserving of doting and lavish attention from their partners. There’s an expectation that their potential mate see them as the King or Queen they are and to treat them exceedingly well, or they aren’t being ‘respected’. Do they see their mate as equally deserving of this behavior or is it only one-sided?

Social media has created a fantasy no one can live up to

Gone are the days when just being yourself was okay, when living a regular life was acceptable. Men and women have bought into fantasy lifestyles, fantasy lives, fantasy jobs, fantasy families, to such an extent that we’ve become dissatisfied with anything that isn’t a “10 on 10”.

We all imagine we’re all a 10, deserving of only a 10, and anything less just won’t do for us. Isn’t that the epitome of grandiosity!

Why do we need to rate each other? I suppose as long as people keep having superficial expectations in their partners, they’ll keep expecting a fantasy to make themselves feel fulfilled and worthy.

We need to grow up

We’ve been living like greedy, entitled teenagers for too long. The fantasies are interfering with our ability to grow up and accept that ‘adulting’ is just a part of life. The fantasies have become the expectations, the new norms, to the point that they’re filtering out life experiences that are satisfying.

Part of this new growing up process is to recognize that our lives have changed and we all have new roles. The 1950s dream existence was never really a reality; it was an illusion created by marketing departments and Hollywood to sell products in a newly booming economy. Reality back then was far grittier and harsher than what was portrayed, with rigid roles for both men and women. Our grandparents and great-grandparents got through those times with the help of prescribed medications (“mother’s little helper”) and a lot of booze.

Not everyone gets married. Not now or in past history. In previous decades, marriage was tied to one’s accessibility to sex, and women would use their sexuality to “hook” a man. In the 60s and 70s sexual freedom exploded, and now it has become so normalized, that many men feel entitled to it if he holds a door open for a woman on a date. Our expectations of one another have changed so radically. Sexual objectification is now the norm, but it interferes with seeing the other as a person, like oneself, deserving and worthy.

People, both men and women, had rejected those rigid roles they were expected to play, opting instead to choose life on their own terms. That seemed to be a great idea for a while, where people were happy to focus on their growth and change their lives for the better, until the age of the internet and social media exploded.

Our expectations have changed. What we consider normal and “our due” have changed. Are they healthy though?

Instead of lamenting that “all men” or “all women” need to be a certain way in order to find our own satisfaction in life, what if we were to just find “our person”, that person who ‘gets’ us?

Leading a simpler life doesn’t necessarily mean a “trad” life

There are many people now seeking to limit their phone use, because they have recognized that all those apps on their devices have contributed to this vast decline in our ability to feel satisfied and interfere with our very involvement with the lives we lead.

While I can’t see myself giving up my smart phone and going back to a flip phone as some are trying to do, I do see the benefit of living a life of simpler expecations.

Simpler expectations allow me to enjoy my family and to focus on the things in life that bring me enjoyment. I no longer try to monetize all my interests and extra activities; I want to just enjoy them and not feel I need to “be the best” or to produce an extra income from them.

How are you simplifying your own life, to live it more fulfilled and satisfied? What old ways of thinking are you happy to release? How are you disengaging from a lot of the current toxic thoughts floating around?

Wishing you a wonderful week!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

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