“Emotional watering” is a phrase I invented when I was thinking about how some people need multiple times daily emotional feeding while others seem to be very self-sustaining and need less, maybe it looks like once or twice a week.

Often it’s when we don’t feel of value or think badly of ourselves that we need more “watering” because our emotional tanks are low or even empty.

Here are some phrases we might tell ourselves, (or at least have a deep-seated belief about that causes us to behave in certain ways) when we’re depleted emotionally according to Sinitta Weston in 13 Things People Who Secretly Hate Themselves Say Without Realizing It.

1. I’m Sorry For Existing – or variations of that thought
2. I Don’t Want To Be A Burden.
3. No One Will Notice If I’m Not There.
4. I’m Just Being Realistic.
   Ah, the favorite phrase of people who confuse self-hatred with pragmatism. When they say they’re being “realistic” about their chances of success, relationships, or happiness, they’re actually just letting their inner critic moonlight as a fortune teller. They’ve turned pessimism into a personality trait and called it wisdom.
5. I Don’t Want To Take Up Too Much Space.
6. “You Probably Think This Is Stupid, But…”
7. I Should Be Doing Better By Now.
   These people have created an imaginary timeline where they should have achieved everything by age 25, and now they’re beating themselves up for not being a CEO-astronaut-novelist who also found the cure for cancer. They’ve turned their life into a competition they can’t win because they keep moving the finish line.
8. “I’m Just Not That Kind Of Person.”
   Code for “I’ve created artificial limitations for myself based on my lack of self-esteem.” These people have built elaborate cages of “can’ts” and “shouldn’ts” and convinced themselves it’s just their personality. They’ll watch others living fully while insisting they’re just “not the type” to try new things, speak up, or pursue their dreams.
9. I’m Not Worth The Trouble.
   They’ve decided their happiness has a price tag that’s always too high. They’ll stay in bad situations, reject help, and deny themselves basic comforts because they’ve done some twisted math where their worth always equals less than whatever’s being offered. They’ll advocate for everyone else’s value while marking themselves down like day-old bread.
10. Other People Have It Worse.
    These people have turned minimizing their own pain into an extreme sport. They’ll break their arm and refuse pain meds because “somewhere, someone’s breaking two arms.” They’ve convinced themselves that pain is a finite resource and they’re somehow stealing it from more deserving candidates.
11. “I Don’t Want To Make A Big Deal.”
    The stealth phrase for “I’ve decided my needs aren’t important enough to warrant attention.” Watch these folks silently eat the wrong food order, work through lunch breaks, and ignore medical symptoms until they’re practically collapsing. They’ve turned their own wellbeing into an optional side quest in the game of life.
12. “I’m Just Being Honest About Myself.”
    These people have convinced themselves that their harshest self-judgments are just clear-eyed observations. They’ll call themselves lazy for taking a day off, stupid for making a simple mistake, or worthless for not being superhuman.
13. I’ll Just Figure It Out Myself.
    The battle cry of someone who’s decided they don’t deserve support. They’ll struggle alone with furniture assembly, emotional crises, and life decisions because they’ve convinced themselves that asking for help is a character flaw. They’re the type to try to self-diagnose a broken bone before “bothering” a doctor.
    
    

Have you seen yourself in any of the above lines?

Sometimes we don’t even realize we don’t like ourselves or value ourselves because it has become normalized. We think EVERYONE feels the same way, so it’s difficult to see that how we perceive ourselves is in a less than favorable light. It could also be that we’re surrounded by like-minded people, so we don’t see that as a group there is a lot of self-loathing and lack of self-worth.

By becoming aware of our inner dialogues and the messaging we see and hear around us, we can then see that we’re holding a much smaller space in this world than we could be. Sometimes we’ve gotten forced down by other people, and by becoming aware of our current inner thoughts we can decide that we no longer wish to keep being that small and self-effacing.

The inner growth that will happen when we make that decision can take place in a flash, or it can be agonizingly slow to change inner beliefs. Sometimes we have a flash of understanding in the beginning, but then there are many subtle ways we continue to self-efface, so the growth often involves deep inner work to allow healing to happen.

Our healing happens slowly when we can embrace the thoughts: I am worthy of happiness, I am worthy of being healthy, I am worthy of living a better life.

I don’t say “deserve”, not because we don’t deserve all these things, but because there are so many negative connotations associated with the word.

When we teach ourselves to like and appreciate ourselves, we want better for ourselves. One necessary step to feeling better about ourselves is to change our inner self-talk from the negative to more supportive and encouraging.

Here’s how we can change some of the above sentences when we change this perception of ourselves:

1. I’m Sorry For Existing –>> I’m happy to live. I’m grateful to be alive
2. I Don’t Want To Be A Burden –>> I accept help freely when I need it, I know I will pay it forward in the future
3. No One Will Notice If I’m Not There –>> People see me even when I don’t think they do.
4. I’m Just Being Realistic –>> I may not know how to do that thing right now, but I will learn how. I will work on preparing myself for what I want to do.
5. I Don’t Want To Take Up Too Much Space –>> I’m worthy of living a good life. I’m worthy of good things.
6. “You Probably Think This Is Stupid, But…” –>> I have a new idea that I’d like to run by you; please let me know your feedback so I can improve my plans.
7. I Should Be Doing Better By Now –>> I’m exactly where I need to be right now in life, given what I’ve been through. I’m working on my life; I’m a work in progress.
8. “I’m Just Not That Kind Of Person.” –>> I may not have been that person before, but the new me wants to try!
9. I’m Not Worth The Trouble –>> I’m worthy of help and support. I am working on myself so I can grow.
10. Other People Have It Worse –>> I’m tired of suffering; I choose to accept the help I need.
11. “I Don’t Want To Make A Big Deal.” –>> I’m worthy of receiving help and aid to grow, for that is the road to the success I seek for myself.
12. “I’m Just Being Honest About Myself.”
13. I’ll Just Figure It Out Myself –>> I may not have asked the people who can actually help me. As independent as I am, I ask and accept help when I need it.

I find it interesting that when we do the inner work to change how we see ourselves and speak to ourselves, that it then feels much more natural to want to care for ourselves.

When our inner landscape is very accusatory, critical or harsh, it is much more difficult to stick to a good eating plan, healthy exercises, and cutting down on junk food, alcohol, drugs and other self-defeating behaviors, because we have less and less reasons to self-medicate of self-comfort.

Beating ourselves up inside is often a by-product of having received those types of behaviors from others, which we internalize, and then continue to carry out.

I’ve spoken with many people who struggle with their inner demons, and what I’ve seen is harsh negative self-talk predominates.

We’ve internalized the negatives in our lives to the point that we self-sabotage, even when success is right there for us. I know, I’ve done it time and again to myself. Feeling good about myself and what was about to happen seemed so alien that I’d self-sabotage just to stay in that negative comfort zone. I was miserable, but I was accustomed to it. The misery felt normal.

Only when I started to change my inner tapes in how I spoke to myself, was I able to feel good about the changes I was making in my life, and to allow them to happen instead of self-sabotaging. I no longer wanted to say, “See, I knew it wouldn’t work out for ME.” Instead I wanted to break that cycle, and feel good about feeling good in life!

You are worthy of making those changes and to start to care for your body, mind and spirit!

Here’s the email I received from “Notes from the Universe” at tut.com while I was writing this:

“Of course you’re strong enough, Tamara.
Or what would be the whole point?
Go forth,
  The Universe”

“Notes from the Universe” at tut.com

• Nobody talks about this part… these are called growing pains.
• Is suffering necessary? Yes and no.
• Respect your body when it’s asking you for a break. Respect your mind when it’s seeking rest.
• Do not become small for people who refuse to grow!
• Don’t be afraid to start all over again. You may like your new story better.
• An authentic life does not require anyone else’s approval for your creative choices
• Just because you’re struggling does not mean you’re failing
• Always believe that wonderful things can happen!
• Things are being worked out for the best!
• I don’t think people realize how much strength it takes to pull yourself out of a dark place mentally. So if you’ve done that today, I’m proud of you.
• Your journey will be much lighter and easier if you don’t carry your past with you!
• Your past mistakes are meant to guide you not define you!
• Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be!
• No matter how hard the past is, you can always begin again.
• New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings…
• Change is never painful, only resistance to change is painful.
• Know that your deepest gifts grow in the garden of your wounds.
• You are worthy of a miracle because you yourself are one!
• Butterflies cannot see their wings, but the rest of the world can!
• Self-worth is so vital to your happiness. If you don’t feel good about you, it’s hard to feel good about anything else.
• If you absolutely can’t stay positive, don’t go negative, just cruise neutral for a while
• Don’t quit on you!
• Just be as strong as you feel capable of right now!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

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