Learning not to react to everything is a huge key part to growing and lowering your stress. If you let every single thing work you up, you are just hurting your own mind, body and spirit.

@TheMindfulWalk

This was a huge lesson for me to learn. When I finally internalized that another person’s mood didn’t automatically necessitate me losing my peace of mind, or their self created drama didn’t automatically become my emergency, I was able to give myself permission to take a step back.

In my childhood, being constantly vigilant for my mother’s change of mood into volatile anger was a survival skill I soon learned a few beatings in. Unfortunately, as so many of us who came from trauma, we had a very hard time letting go of that survival instinct once we were out of that situation. Everything and anything could trigger our abuser’s anger and rage, so learning to differentiate between a real emergency, a situation that needs to be resolved immediately and just the whim of someone was a skill we had to learn later in life.

Learning to live instead of just surviving takes learning a bunch of new skills and a lot of practice to really internalize them and have them become our new go-to’s.

It took a lot of self-talk to help myself through those steps, and in the process, I practiced suspending judgment of myself the way I had been criticized and judged, plus learning to become my own pep cheerleading squad. I know, I know, one sentence to describe weeks, months or even years of hard inner work barely seems to do it justice, but when we boil it down to the truth of the whole thing, this is the task.

As I was working through my healing from my past traumas by following those steps, I was very happy to see that I no longer felt responsible to try to solve every problem around me, lest it blow up and affect my life terribly.

I was able to see the fears that were compelling me, and to then slowly release them. I was learning what healthy boundaries were, for the first time, and I no longer felt driven to stay a part of anyone’s drama, I was able to step back and them resolve it for themself. Yes, I could offer them support if that’s what I wanted, but I no longer felt I had to be in the thick of things.

Stepping back was very powerful. It allowed me space to think and to process my own emotions without feeling I was responsible for the other person’s. This was quite eye-opening for me.

I hope you will reach a space where you can step back from the drama, not get all caught up in it, and still be able to offer support and guidance.

It’s a much healthier and less stressful place to be!

Here’s some guidance for your next steps:

• Accepting blame or responsibility for our actions shouldn’t include keeping score
• Changing ourselves and others
• Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.
• Do you only accept yourself if you look a certain way?
• Forget the pain but never the lessons you gained.
• God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know… it’s me.
• How people treat you is their karma… How you react is yours…
• Time to Change the Negative Tapes!
• “Telling it like it is”, it’s hurting us all…
• The power of stepping away!
• What is the purpose of an Anger Journal, and why you need one!
• Why venting anger just makes us angrier, and ways to deal with it.

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

My books: Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!

Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:

Removing Inner Blocks ||  Anger Journal || Guided Anxiety Journal  ||  Joy & Mindfulness Journal   ||  My Boundaries Journal  || My Inner Thoughts Journal   

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