This question may sound rude or obnoxious to some people and elicit an inner exasperated response, “Do I want to be healed? Well of course I do! Do you think I ENJOY being this way?”

However, the truth is, many times deep down some people don’t want to let go of what they’re getting out of the illness or they aren’t ready to let go.

Even Jesus asked the ‘cripple’ if he wanted to be healed. Not out of politeness, but because he saw the man’s whole identity had become wrapped around being ‘crippled’.

So it is with many people I’ve observed. They don’t love their illnesses or the smaller space in life it forces them to live in, but they do need the attention and kindness of doctors and the people around them. I’ve been confided in by a few people that they fear that people just won’t care about them or show them they care if they were to get better. They realize it’s a sad situation, but for them feeling like they’re cared for is more important that being well.

Sacrificing one’s wellness as a trade-off for love and care from people may seem a steep price to pay, but I’ve seen a number of people consciously or subconsciously make that decision, and when pressed as to why they don’t make the lifestyle changes that would alleviate some or most of their symptoms, the truth comes out that they fear being “abandoned ” to live their lives.

I remember when my first husband was struggling with addiction and with multiple relapses in his recovery, he was told point blank that he had to be ready to do the work of recovering, that he had to be sick and tired of being sick and tired.

It was only when he became fully committed to putting in the work himself of doing his inner work that he could look his addiction in the eye and say that he no longer wanted to use drugs and alcohol to shield himself from the pain and trauma he had experienced, and finally do the inner work himself, because there was no external force that would save him or remove that past trauma from inside of himself.

He had to own his part in how his life ended up. He was told that no one had held him at gunpoint to drink and take drugs, that he had sought them out. He also had to own all the consequences of those actions, and own who he had become through being an addict. It was hard to face, but he had reached a point where it had become harder to keep losing relationships and things in life because of the addiction.

Addiction is only one of the many health crises that we can face, where the illness seems to support us in what we need emotionally. It is only one thing that can make us feel seen to certain people, even if our quality of life suffers.

I’ve seen people who have illnesses that lifestyle changes would alleviate or remove the symptoms choose not to make those changes because they seemed too hard. We’ve all no doubt heard stories of people who lost limbs because they chose to continue to smoke.

Having experienced chronic Shingles for 10 years, on and off, mostly on, I can attest to the toll an illness takes on the body. Back then I had no idea how to process extreme stress and living with an alcoholic/drug addict was stressful with a young baby with severe digestive issues to raise. I was an exercise anorexic, consciously and subconsciously choosing this behavior because it felt that my food intake was the only thing I could control in my life. Undereating, over-exercising, and stress all contributed to repeated relapses. The pain of the Shingles outbreaks interfered with being able to sleep well, so sleep deprivation was also added to the list of things I was struggling with and that were contributing to my relapses.

I was stuck in a viscious cycle.

I didn’t feel I could leave my marriage as I was a very devout church-goer, yet my marriage was a shambles, finances were wrecked, and I struggled to hold everything together for the sake of my child. What little energy I had was spent on my daughter, so my husband felt I was neglecting him, but in truth he had abandoned us to our own devices years before. He later confessed he stayed late at work purposely to avoid his home responsibilities.

It was only when he left me for another woman that my hand was forced to live without him. Of course it was difficult initially, but I soon discovered I had been prepared for it all along, as I was basically a single mom in a marriage.

Once I became the captain of my own life, my health started to improve. My doctor said it was like I had burst the boil and once the puss ran out the healing began.

Our lives will change at some point because that’s what happens, change is always around the corner. If we don’t have the strength or courage to change, often it will happen anyways. The question is, do we want to get better, to do the work we need to? Or will we get dragged into the storm?

Remember: every day is a new day, a new opportunity to turn a page and start fresh.

Multiple tries don’t necessarily mean a lack of success, for often it takes multiple tries to get it right. Along the way we learn how to do things better. We gain skills with practice.

You can do this, you can. You’re stronger than you think you are!

I would like you to also check out The Hot Goddess’s latest post: What Stories Are You Telling Yourself? as what she says ties into what I’ve just talked about.

• Changing ourselves and others
• Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.
• Emotions and where they intersect with each other
• Forget the pain but never the lessons you gained.
• God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know… it’s me.
• Changing how we see ourselves; moving from dislike when we yearn to be able to go forward into something more positive
• Fall in love with taking care of yourself
• Green flagged – people who are considered good people have these traits
• Here’s a life lesson in being effortlessly comfortable and “cool”.
• How to stop taking things personally
• If you focus too hard on the problem, the solution can often evade you.
• It is always an inside work. It starts within us
• Let your past make you better not bitter.

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

My books: Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!

Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:

Removing Inner Blocks ||  Anger Journal || Guided Anxiety Journal  ||  Joy & Mindfulness Journal   ||  My Boundaries Journal  || My Inner Thoughts Journal   

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