You are doing all you can. Know that, whatever the outcome.
Now just release and allow what is supposed to happen, to happen.

Worrying vs. Preparing

Worrying is trying to envision all the different scenarios ahead of time in order to try to prepare oneself for what will happen, yet often what unfolds isn’t on the list.

We get ourselves so worked up while we envision each scenario, our adrenaline gives a burst each time we try to see ahead. This adrenaline feeds our anxieties, for we’re not sure if we’re up to dealing with each scenario.

When we prepare for our future, we try to do everything we see needs doing.

We need to trust that if the universe decides a different outcome would lead us to where we need to be, we have the wherewithal to meet the new reality. Even if we don’t currently possess the skills, we have the ability to develop them.

However, let’s not conflate what is best for us with something easy.

What happens when the outcome isn’t what we had envisioned?

Sometimes we think that if our envisioned outcome doesn’t happen, it means we’ve failed, or our world is crashing down.

When the universe shifts the cogs and brings us to a different place in our lives than what we envisioned, it isn’t always going to make it easy. It’s often in that very difficulty that we develop the skills and inner strengths to improve ourselves and our lives. Without the challenges we may never have dug deeper to develop.

Being forced into a place or environment we hadn’t pictured for ourselves can be a big shock for our minds and our bodies. We resist. We rebel. We get angry. We mourn what was lost.

Sometimes what we lost wasn’t ideal to begin with, but we’re so invested in making it work that it’s a shock when it stops working. Sometimes we put all our energy into a less-than-ideal situation because we feel pressured to, or we doubt we could find anything better.

What happens when we seem to be faced with the same challenges, over and over?

Often it’s because we need to learn a lesson from it before we can move forward.

If we keep choosing certain types of people to be around, certain jobs to be employed in, or even certain experiences, we may be subconsciously trying to force a different outcome than what keeps happening.

Our pasts affect us sometimes far more than we know, but the good news is we don’t have to keep being affected by it.

How? There are lessons to learn, habits to change and new mindsets to adopt. It’s a whole package deal.

10 possible lessons:

1. Boundaries need to be not only set, but followed through with, otherwise they’re just empty words

Without healthy boundaries we keep sending the message: “Walk all over me!” There are too many people who will be quite happy to do so. No, they’re not going to see how loving you are or how kind you are and the be motivated to do right by you because you set a great example. They just see opportunities, so they take them.

They won’t change to become more altruistic or even kind. You need to set your boundaries, and enforce them, or they’ll never see the line in the sand. If you never enforce your boundaries, the line in the sand will keep shifting.

The Paradox of Boundaries
Setting “Boundaries with consequences”
What are the benefits of staying a victim, vs. becoming a protagonist in our own lives, and how do we do that?

2. We need to face something in our own actions and thoughts that we’ve been avoiding. Changing those things will allow things to move forward.

This is a hard one for all of us. None of us like to face our own truths. We actually build walls to hide from them. Unless we face our own truths, nothing changes.

It is always an inside work. It starts within us
Making a change… “How do I take that first step?”
No matter how long you’ve traveled in the wrong direction, you can always turn around

3. We need to develop our own inner strength to handle our lives and not be seeking others to do it for us, for in doing so we give up our power, and unfortunately there are bad people who will happily wield it against us.

There is no knight in shining armor who will rescue you. There is no “they” who will take care of it for you, no matter how nice of a person you are! If you don’t want to be always put in a situation where you feel powerless to do anything, finding your inner strength is going to happen when you start developing it. It won’t happen by itself.

Let your past make you better not bitter.
The power of love is the strongest force in the universe.
The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others.
“What kind of love do I allow in my life?”
When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

4. Just because we were broken doesn’t mean that we are doomed to stay that way.

The people that break us aren’t the people who will help us mend.

Many of us were damaged by people in our pasts. Victimhood can be a powerful identity, but it can end up being something we manipulate others with. Healing from our pasts allows us to move away from victimhood into self-autonomy.

Healing is a very difficult and time-consuming thing to do, but you know what? Your life is going to pass by anyway, so why not spend some time digging in and doing the hard stuff, to be able to have more peaceful years ahead?

How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level

Forget the pain but never the lessons you gained.
Nothing is set in stone! “What have I got to lose?”
Changing how we see ourselves; moving from dislike when we yearn to be able to go forward into something more positive
Life will continue to go on… choose the direction you wish to go

5. Being with someone for their potential doesn’t mean that they will live up to it.

So many people with potential never live up to it because they make excuses for not doing so, and in worst case scenarios, they will blame you for their lack of accomplishment.

Their potential ends up being just wishful thinking on their part if they don’t do the work to live up to it. They become wannabees. They’ll happily take you along for the ride, allowing you to pay their expenses, do all the work, shoulder the relationship.

Is the person actually doing tangible things to work towards their future self, or do they start something and then give up soon after, finding “reasons” and excuses why they can’t?

Never lower your standards just because you are lonely. It is better to be by yourself than to be with the wrong person.
Are you co-dependent and trying to hang on at all costs?
Could you be a “Co-dependent” and not know it?
Green flagged – people who are considered good people have these traits
How to predict if a relationship will be difficult
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards, and/or expectations wasn’t really stable enough to begin with.

6. Loving someone deeply isn’t enough to heal them or make them sober. That’s their responsibility to do, not yours.

Ah, we often think that someone just needs a lot of love and THEN they will get better. So we pour our hearts out, keep pouring for years even, but no changes happen.

Is there something wrong with our love? Did we just not love them hard enough?

No. It isn’t that at all! For them to change and for them to grow, it needs to come from THEIR efforts. None of us are powerful enough to make someone else change and grow. It’s something they need to do.

If they refuse to change or to grow, why are you making excuses for them?

Is Love Enough to Help Someone Kick a Drug Habit?
Love is NOT all you need!
Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.
Never wish them pain. Wish them healing. That’s what they need.

7. Another person’s lack of self-control isn’t your responsibility to manage.

Angry people who vent their anger on other love to blame those around them for their lack of control and for saying and acting in hurtful ways. People who lack self-control with finances or in other areas of their lives are more than happy to blame others for their own actions. Just because they blame you doesn’t make it true.

Allow their actions to show you the reality. If they use you as their excuse to move through life, you can either choose to stay in that orbit or to leave, but don’t keep being their doormat or punching bag.

3 Brave but important questions to ask in a relationship
19 signs of a healthy relationship
Relationship affirming behaviors
Why we’re so attracted to people who end up abusing us
Be mindful, extremely selective and intentional about people you allow into your life.

8. We’re each responsible for our own inner happiness and healing.

This is difficult to hear and to accept. Unless we do the work, it doesn’t happen by itself. This is an inside job, but we can get help for it. We aren’t obligated to gut it out by ourselves.

Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It

Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
5 Daily Reminders: Say these to yourself in front of a mirror!
10 Steps to Owning Our Happiness
Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with you! Part 1
Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationships, not with your job, but with you. Part 2.
Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. Part 3
Happiness starts with your thinking and what you tell yourself every day! Part 4

9. Learn to speak kindly and gently to yourself, or you will continue to perpetuate the damage done by others.

Our inner self-talk can end up damaging us so that we stay crushed and broken, or we can work on changing those inner tapes and develop peace of mind. This takes practice, but with time and effort it’s doable.

Loving Ourselves… means we don’t always put ourselves LAST!
Time to Change the Negative Tapes!
Pushing forward after being unfairly or wrongly judged
There’s a fine line between positivity and denial
The Power of Positive Words!
The power of words
Turning Poison into Medicine
Brain Rewiring
Challenge: When a negative thought enters your mind, think three positive ones. Train yourself to flip the script!
Change how you see and see how you change.
Change the tapes!
Changing our thoughts and habits Part 1: how does it physically work in the brain?
Changing our thoughts and habits Part 2: how does it physically work in our body?

10. You are worthy.

If we’ve been damaged or hurt, it can be difficult to see our own worth. We can get convinced that everything that’s happening is because we’re unworthy, and therefore deserve what’s happening.

You are worthy. Worthy of respect. Worthy of kindness. Worthy of happiness. Worthy of peace of mind.

Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy
Love is NOT all you need!
Types of self-care and how to incorporate them into your life
Mindfulness Resources
When we create harmony in our minds and hearts, we will find it in our lives. The inner creates the outer. Always.

Embracing the flow

When we see that God and the universe loves us and wants to help us grow into our higher selves, we can allow ourselves to flow with the changes, for we know that we’re exactly where we need to be.

When changes happen, we can have peace of mind knowing we’re exactly where we need to be, even if we don’t see it in the moment.

Sometimes things need to end before something else can start. Endings don’t happen in a vacuum without something else starting.

Sending you hugs as you work your way through what you’re working through!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

My books: Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!

Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:

Removing Inner Blocks ||  Anger Journal || Guided Anxiety Journal  ||  Joy & Mindfulness Journal   ||  My Boundaries Journal  || My Inner Thoughts Journal   

Thanks for buying my books on Amazon!

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