Inspired by Jack Canfora’s post: “We Know What We Are, But Know Not What We May Be” where he brings up existential questions about life, our perceptions of ourselves, and other people’s perceptions of us.
Our perceptions of ourselves many times are based on how others have treated or mistreated us.
If we were loved and cherished, we may grow up thinking we’re a good person, deserving to be loved and to be treated in a respectful way.
Likewise, if we were mistreated, we internalize the mistreatment and come to a mistaken conclusion that we must not be a good person to have merited someone else to treat us badly.
Then if we have come to believe what is essentially lies about ourselves (for our abusers will mostly project onto us their own anger, fears, and negative thoughts), we develop a dark inner world where we beat ourselves up, speak harsher to ourselves than we ever would to anyone else, and struggle with depression because the emotional blows we deal out to ourselves batter our spirits into feeling we are useless and undeserving of anything positive.
The space in my head used to be filled with dark images of myself as a monster, where I relived every battle, every perceived negative and loud strident noise of how I was a loser and would never be able to do anything right.Tamara’s Response to Jack Canfora’s post: “We Know What We Are, But Know Not What We May Be”
A few short years ago I decided to redecorate my inner living space. I no longer wished to live with the old trappings I had gathered, they were exhausting me and paralyzing me into anxiety and depression.
Instead I wanted to create a happy and serene place. The old decorations were carefully examined and I realized they were cheap copies of how I had been treated, but in truth didn’t represent me.
The clean out is very scary, for who are we if we remove all the negatives which really don’t belong, but from which we had pulled our identity for so long?
Who are we to be when we clean house?
I was afraid that I wouldn’t find anything of value left in my rooms, yet when I decided to shine a light on all those hideous thoughts, I discovered they were mere dark shadows, having no real substance, so they left, one by one.
What remained was actually a very nice place to live! It took a lot of time and effort to clean up and to polish what was there before, but I found that words of encouragement to myself helped more than I could have imagined and soon there was color up on my walls, sunshine coming in once more from windows that had too long been boarded up. The more I worked on cleaning up this inner space, the nicer it became!
This was an absolute shock to me to discover that such a radical change was possible, much less that I was capable of doing it myself.
The mind is truly incredible at what it can do, and our inner being is capable of such transformation!
What can we do?
Transformation is possible and doable, each one of us has our own timelines to work with as we deal with and battle with the inner shadows.
This work is much easier if we are already in a physically safe place, for it is important to remember that the old foes in our lives can no longer hurt us!
If you aren’t in a safe place physically, mentally, or even spiritually, please take the time to secure your safety.
In the meanwhile, pay extra attention to getting extra sleep, eating nourishing food, and getting some gentle exercise done, for this process is very physically demanding! I was surprised by how much it took out of me physically!
You aren’t going crazy if you see it’s taking more out of you than your regular life does. That is quite normal!
It’s a process, it takes time. The transition period varies for each of us, and some weeks we can be doing really well, and other days not so much. Keep going!
I send you blessings on your inner journey. Take all the time that you need, rushing through it may only deal with the first layer or two, and you may find yourself returning, again and again, to keep peeling back the old layers!
I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts! Don’t forget to Like, Comment, and Follow my blog! If you want to become a Guest writer, please contact me and we’ll work out the details!
I’m sharing more posts that may be helpful for you:
- 10 Steps to Owning Our Happiness
- Setting “Boundaries with consequences”
- Making a change… “How do I take that first step?”
- Affirmation: Today is a new day! I can do this!
- As we practice being gentle and kind with ourselves, we actually help to speed the process of helping our lives become more positive!
- Always believe that wonderful things can happen!
- A healthy outside starts from the inside!
- Brain Rewiring
More good stuff:
- Teaching ourselves to like, even to love ourselves
- By changing our inner dialogue, we change EVERYTHING!
- Challenge: When a negative thought enters your mind, think three positive ones. Train yourself to flip the script!
- Red Ocean or Blue Ocean? How do you think?
- An answer to dealing with the Inner Critic!
- My top 10 most viewed posts, plus a few bonuses!
- A helpful trick to be able to overcome negatively Comparing Ourselves to others…
- Do you only accept yourself if you look a certain way?
- A new you! Is this possible?
- Start today, start tomorrow, just start!
- There is no enlightenment outside of daily life – Thich Nhat Hanh
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