We’re hearing so much about how to recognize people who may be toxic or not a good it for us, yet we still need to hear more about people who are good for us. Here’s a positive list, green flags if you will!

List taken from Men Who Are Considered Universally Good Guys Have These 8 Rare Qualities – Story by Glamour Magazine, additional comments my own.

1. They’re kind to everyone
   They treat everyone kindly. They’re respectful yes, but they also choose to see the good in others or the situation, instead of finding faults and being critical or even mean, in the name of “being honest”.
   
   “Someone who is genuinely kind spreads kindness wherever they go.“
   
2. They’re genuinely optimistic about life
   True optimism is cultivated by choosing to see the possibilities instead of looking for ways something may fail or go wrong. When we’re still unhealed, our survival mechanism has trained us to keep an eye out for the next tragedy, but that also tends to limit our ability to just enjoy a good moment. When we come to understand that life doesn’t have it “out for us”, we can relax into looking for the next positives coming our way!
   
   “A happy person is not only a healthy person but also someone who is optimistic and fulfilled. Who wouldn’t love life with someone like that? Genuine happiness is considered a positive quality, as it is strongly linked to improved mental and physical health, strong social connections, and a sense of fulfillment in life.”
   
3. They love you for you
   Someone who can see their partner for who they are, and not just an extension of themselves or of how they see their life. Someone who appreciates people for who they are and not who they think they can “help” them to be!
   
   “He loves the real you. Not just the way you look or the things you do for him or the fact that you are conveniently 4 inches shorter.“
   
4. You can be yourself around them
   If you’ve been around people who are critical and judgmental, you quickly get an idea that they’re actually have low self esteem and need to put others down in order to feel “better than” in order to feel good about themselves. This is their own trauma response from their past that keeps getting played out in all their current relationships.
   
   Someone who is healed has no need to put others down, they’re comfortable in their own skin and want and expect you to be in yours!
   
   “No matter how much you might be into someone, it’s never going to be real until you can let down your guard around him. Feeling comfortable being yourself around someone is primarily tied to concepts like psychological safety, trust, shared values, and a sense of acceptance. A 2023 study found that when you feel confident that someone will not judge you and will accept your authentic self, you can express yourself freely without fear of rejection.“
   
5. They’re attractive, physically and emotionally
   Ever notice that a physically beautiful person who has an awful personality then looks dimmer, faker and less attractive, while someone who doesn’t have movie star looks but is kind and seems like a great person has a gentle face, a nice or even sexy smile and a twinkle in their eyes? Our personalities and characteristics do affect our faces over time, allowing the good qualities inside to show on our faces, as our face muscles and tiny wrinkles reveal our inner feelings.
   
   People who are well-rounded in their interests, have developed emotionally into a mature person, have worked on their inner healing so they’re not reacting to life through a raw or trauma lens, end up looking more attractive.
   
6. They spend like you
   Being with someone who has a completely different relationship to money than ourselves is one of the areas that create disharmony in couples. Even if both people are responsible in their money management, our relationship to money can still create some issues.
   
   “A guy who’s onboard to make your fantasy tour-de-France vacation a reality? Fantastic. A guy who then complains about every dollar you want to spend on said trip? No bien. If springing for the good rosé and staying in a schmancy hotel is your idea of fun, you need a guy who gets it. Money is the root of a lot of relationship issues, so being on the same page about spending is crucial.“
   
7. They’re willing to work through your issues
   None of us are perfect, and not everyone is at the same stage of personal development and healing. We can meet and fall in love, and still need to work on ourselves. Isn’t it an amazing thing to have people in our life who can see who we are and not get angry and destructive with us?
   
   “Whether it’s yelling instead of talking, being passive-aggressive when you’re upset, or some sort of family/work issue you’re taking out on him. He knows your patterns and not only talks to you about them kindly but offers support when and where you need it. Someone who can see you to your very core, accepts your flaws, and only wants to help you be a better person? That’s love.“
   
8. They put you first
   Nothing kills a relationship faster than seeing that we’re not high on their priority list. Friends, job and their family get their attention, while their partner is expected to live on bread crumbs of time, energy and affection. They may be charming and talk a good talk, but their actions don’t show their parnter they really matter to them and aren’t there as a living prop to their life.
   
   An emotionally healthy person who is ready to have a mature relationship will put their parner’s needs and wants high on their list of priorities. We see through their actions that their love is sincere.
   
   “When it comes down to it, you are the No. 1 most important person in his life, and there are no questions about that. This is generally considered a positive sign of commitment, respect, and healthy prioritizing, indicating a partner who values your needs and well-being. Still, a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found it crucial to maintain a balance where both partners feel supported and valued. Constantly prioritizing one person over the other can lead to resentment and imbalance. If his friends want to do a guy’s weekend in Vegas, he says no because he’s got a good thing going with you, doesn’t want to get into trouble, and knows it will mean missing that concert you want to go to. And if his mom hates the wallpaper you chose for your first apartment together, you’ll never find out, because he tells her if you’re happy, he’s happy, and that’s the end of it.“

Our old unhealed selves would have found ourselves attracted to people who were also unhealed, because they felt the most natural to us, and when we heal, those same people feel less and less natural, for we have changed.

Working on our healing and development is important for us to have a physically, mentally and emotionally healthy life. When we work on these different areas of ourselves, we find ourselves more attracted to people who are also healed and healthy. Recognizing emotionally and mentally healthy people and then choosing to have relationships with them is a healthy progression for us.

Some more to explore:

• Changing how we speak to ourselves
• Do you like or loathe the person you see in the mirror? How does one go about changing the loathing into liking?
• Alpha male? Beta male? …maybe a Gamma male? Or what?
• How social myths contribute to struggling mental health issues
• Giving ourselves permission to be “less than” others, but still 100% ourselves
• Changing ourselves and others
• What’s the opposite of “Hurt people hurt others”?The dandelion does not stop growing because it is told it is a weed!
• Be the flawed, QUIRKY, unique, beautiful and MAGICAL person that you are!
• Love is NOT all you need!
• Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.
• Setting “Boundaries with consequences”
• Is Love Enough to Help Someone Kick a Drug Habit?
• “What kind of love do I allow in my life?”
• 10 Steps to Owning Our Happiness
• Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with you!
• Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationships, not with your job, but with you. Part 2.
• Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. Part 3
• Happiness starts with your thinking and what you tell yourself every day! Part 4
• 5 Things to quit RIGHT NOW!
• Being happy is a very personal thing and it really has nothing to do with anyone else.
• Find Joy in your Journey!
• 7 Rules of Life
• One day you wake up and realize you are truly happy from deep within your soul.

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
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