When we’ve been broken in all the inner places, we’ve internalized the damage that was done to us and we truly struggle with believing that good will come to us.

When we decide to do something to change all that, our story can look something like this:

Don’t get me wrong, we truly wish for it with all our hearts, and we’ll even work our guts out to make it happen for ourselves, but then doubts start to creep in.

The doubts are whispers at first. We do our best to ignore them, but our brains and spirits have been so traumatized that those whispers of doubt start to get stronger.

Do we really have what it takes? Can we really do it? Will we be able to finish it? Do we deserve it?

All kinds of doubts. They get stronger, so we lift our chins and decide we’re not going to let those doubts get in our way. We push them aside.

During the day we do just fine, but then later at night when we’re having trouble sleeping, then creep back in. We toss and turn; we battle those thoughts but they’re trying to take root.

We wake up tired from the battle. We struggle with those intrusive thoughts at night and during the day we’re tired.

Sometimes we’re tired enough that we start to mess up in our lives. We end up self sabotaging ourselves, not because we don’t want to achieve what we set out to, but because the battle with the doubts has done a number on us. Again.

Now we beat ourselves up for messing up. We ALWAYS do this. We’re such a loser. Ugh. How could we even think we could do what we had set out to do?

Does this sound familiar? That was my trajectory, over and over, for years.

I would then beat myself up so badly, I would rake myself over the coals, castigating myself for even having had the nerve to think I could do that thing.

I would work myself over so badly that id be depressed for days.

That was my cycle, over and over. Until one day I realized that I didn’t like myself very much. I spoke terribly to myself, saying things that I’d never dream of saying to anyone else, but me? I was fair game to abuse. That’s when I realized that I was continuing the job my abusers had done. Where they left off, I continued.

What changed?

When I realized that I didn’t like myself very much, I decided that I wanted to teach myself to like myself, for I was sick and tired of feeling the way I did.

I discovered that teaching myself to like myself was a very difficult job, because I fought myself every step of the way.

So ingrained were my negative views of myself that even the gentlest thoughts like, “I think I’m okay” were too much. Even trying to think that thought brought out my inner scoffing.

I had to find believable thoughts to think about myself that I could say to myself.

I had to start very small.

When I did something right, I practiced giving myself praise.

I had to practice suspending judgment of myself and picking apart all the ways I had failed or messed up even when I did accomplish something.

Oh, suspending judgment was hard! I wasn’t used to not speaking harshly to myself. It felt very strange not to.

It took a long time to get even a little comfortable with not hearing my negative thoughts directed at myself 

Meanwhile I was also practicing saying nice things to myself. “I’m an okay person, and I think I can do this”. I had to build up to congratulating myself for a job well done, and not have judgmental thoughts floating around.

Honestly, it took months and months of practice. Many months. I was still sometimes falling into old ways and beating myself up and getting depressed,  but slowly, slowly, over time, those instances were getting fewer and fewer.

It took a long time before I could compliment myself and believe it.

Learning to speak kindly and nicely to myself was really hard and took a long time. I had to keep practicing patting myself on the back for every small thing before I felt safe speaking nicely to myself for bigger things.

It’s a process. We’re all a work in progress. There are ups and there are downs. Gradually the ups became more frequent than the downs.

I kept going, until one day I startled myself with the realization that I was happy! That shocked me! Happy? I didn’t think it would be possible. If you’re seeing yourself in my words, please, please give this process a chance.

What have you got to lose?!

• BAD, AWFUL days: how do we get over them?
• Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing the best you can!
• Breathe, Darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.
• Just because you’re struggling does not mean you’re failing
• Just be as strong as you feel capable of right now!
• Just do your best with what you have, at this time!
• Just let it go. Your mind can only take so much.
• Know that your deepest gifts grow in the garden of your wounds.
• Look for something positive in every day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.
• New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings…
• No matter how hard the past is, you can always begin again.
• One Day… or Day One. You decide.
• Self-worth is so vital to your happiness Part 1
• Self-worth is so vital to your happiness. If you don’t feel good about you, it’s hard to feel good about anything else. Part 2
• Though you may hold your sword in a shaky hand, I see the demons you are slaying.
• Today I just want to give you some love!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

My books: Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!

Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:

Removing Inner Blocks ||  Anger Journal || Guided Anxiety Journal  ||  Joy & Mindfulness Journal   ||  My Boundaries Journal  || My Inner Thoughts Journal   

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