by Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/

Generational curses: are they breakable?

@PeacefulMindPeacefulLife

“It’s up to us to break generational curses.
When they say, “It runs in the family,” you tell them,
“This is where it runs out.”
@PeacefulMindPeacefulLife

Generational curses can feel very overwhelming to butt up against and very intimidating to know how to break or to change them.

Here’s a few ways they show up:

  • Sibling rivalry
  • Mothers who treat their sons like surrogate boyfriends/husbands.
  • Neglect
  • Manipulation 
  • Gaslighting
  • Yelling
  • Creating all kinds of drama
  • Telling a child how they should feel
  • Breaking things while angry
  • Name-calling – This can take many, many forms of course. A classic is being called selfish for choosing to do something or not to do something in order to help one’s mental and physical health.

We may think, “I don’t want to treat my kids or my partner the way my parents and family modeled for me, so I’m going to work hard at eliminating those behaviors.”

Sounds good right?

Well, it’s actually more of a “Whack-a-Mole” kind of approach. Whenever it shows up, we fight against it. When we aren’t successful, we feel like a failure and we can become overly hard on ourselves, calling ourselves names like “failure” or “stupid” etc. After a while it can feel like a losing proposition, and we then can struggle to keep trying because it just seems to reinforce our own negative image of ourselves.

So what’s a person to do when they want to change their family dynamics?

Well, we start with ourselves.

We start looking at the root causes of what triggers us. We start working on our own healing. We start creating the relationship within ourselves that changes how we think and feel about ourselves and then how we feel aout others.

When I wrote the book “How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level” I was working through my own healing. I had tried a few methods and when they didn’t work, I’d get very hard on myself with harsh criticism and that just made me spiral down a rabbit hole of depression, over and over.

The methods I used and was successful with were the ones I put into the book and in the multitude of posts I had archived on Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations.

Healing our past traumas and pains is hard work. It’s going to take time, and there’s no easy way to it. No one else will be able to do it for you, it’s an inside job as the expression goes. Yes, therapists and counselors can be of enormous help to guide the way, but ultimately, it is up to each off us to do that really hard, gut-wrenching work. For sure there will be tears, but the only way to get through it is to walk through it, step-by-step.

You do not need to be in a hurry. In fact, I encourage you to go slowly. Break down a big step into much smaller steps. Baby steps are wonderful!

I love baby steps! They feel much more doable, and really it is when we practice the small steps over and over that we are able to slowly rewire our brains!

Rewiring our brains is the secret sauce to lasting change, and going slowly is the best way, otherwise the new information and methods just won’t stick, and we’ll revert back to old ways of thinking and acting.

If changing generational traumas and disfunctions is something you’re interested in doing, here are some thoughts to get you started on that healing journey:

Let me tell you, I believe in you! I believe you have the ability to do this even if you’re not quite feeling it at the moment.

The trick is to keep going. Yes, you’re going to fall down some rabbit holes of deep emotion, but you can pick yourself up and keep going.

Each time you pick yourself up, keep telling yourself, “I’ve got this. I can do this.” You will gradually keep dripping in good thoughts into your soul and gradually you will be rewiring your brain to become the healthier version of yourself.

I know it sounds weird to do this, especially when it doesn’t seem to ring true in your spirit right now, but with repetition it will start to feel more and more natural.

It took me years to do this inner work. I often despaired that I wouldn’t be able to do it, but I surprised myself when it did indeed work. It is possible, it just takes time!

In the meanwhile, keep reading my encouraging and supportive posts. I have over 600 links saved, so you are bound to find a few that resonate within you. Keep a tab open for each one, and read and reread them to keep that positivity flowing in!

I hear back from readers who did the process, so I know it works for other readers apart from just myself.

What have you got to lose? 😉

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

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52 thoughts on “Generational curses: are they breakable?”

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  24. It’s really scary not knowing how our parenting and behavior could be screwing up our children. Hubby has even said, “I wonder what we might be doing that’s messing up our kids?” Hopefully nothing, we like to think, but who knows. We can always do better, but we’re fairly certain the major craziness is under wraps! 😛

    Love “This is where it runs out.” Amen. Great attitude. We can always work on being better.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I love that too! I sense you’re worried and I’d like to reassure you. The generational traumas aren’t triggered by normal parenting, when we say no to our kids.

      The trauma I was referring to was the toxic behaviors that break a person down. The constant criticism, addictive behaviors and their fallout, rage issues, domestic or sexual violence, to name a few. The behaviors that get swept under the rug, because families feel “that’s just the way we are”, and not look at the damage it does, creating more and more hurt people.

      The good news is we all can work on changing those old family ways and we can each learn to become healthier and have better relationships. 🫠

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  25. Can you hear me saying, “yes”? Said many times while reading this helpful and honest share?

    “we start with ourselves” Amen to that and it is hard work, yes. And worth all the effort. 💝

    Thanks, Tamara.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks Michele! Yes, it really has to start with us, or all we’re doing is finger-pointing and expecting others to do all the work. It is doable, when we work on ourselves. My brother and I have done it, in spite of our mother steadfastly refusing to try to change.

      Liked by 1 person

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  26. Tamara, thanks for yet another encouraging and insightful post ❤ It never occurred to me that, in my elder years, I would still be working at healing on a deep heart level. As you so rightly say: "Healing our past traumas and pains is hard work. It’s going to take time, and there’s no easy way to it."

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. It takes a lot of time, and when there’s a lot of inner damage it can take a long time. Our lives will pass by anyway, so why not be working on those inner issues and gradually get healed and stronger?! Kudos to your persistence!

      Liked by 1 person

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  27. Great post. I’ve been thinking about generational curses often recently. And yes, I think it’s absolutely possible to break generational curses. It’s not easy though but it’s amazing you tried your best and made a difference for your daughter and grandkids.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Yes, not only did I do it, but my brother did it with his family too. It took a lot of gut wrenching work, but it is doable! I wish you all the very best as you do the work within yourself and by extension, your family too!

      Liked by 1 person

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  28. When they say, “It runs in the family,” you tell them, “This is where it runs out.” Wow, that’s really powerful. Putting in the work to rewire our brains and rewrite our narratives not only helps us, but also future generations. What a great legacy that would be to leave behind–the capacity for consistent inner peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Absolutely! You get it! Both my brother and I have done this inner work to change the narrative in our families, so I know that it is doable! Thanks for your support!

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thanks so much Wynne! My brother has done this inner work too, and he has been able to change the narrative in his own family. It is quite powerful, isn’t it?!

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    1. Thanks Dr. Stein! My brother has done this inner work too, so I have seen first hand how impactful it is. I feel it is my mission to share the steps for others.

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thanks Mark! Yes, I keep sharing these steps to wholeness so that perhaps I might inspire someone to start or to continue their journey! 🙂

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