Here’s a truth: “Ultimately we’re each responsible for our own healing”… yet how do we even know what the first step is to achieve that, let alone to be able to access the miracles that healing brings?
Years ago when I was still emotionally raw, I feared I would never heal for the pain was still so very fresh and I didn’t understand then where my healing journey would bring me. It seemed too daunting of a task to be able to do it all in my own lifetime.
When I was starting on my healing journey the universe sent me 4 psychics, over the span of a couple of years, in different locations, and all told me almost the identical messages. “I feel very strongly that I need to come to you to give you a message” they each had said to me.
When I asked them to proceed, they each said, “You chose your troubles before you came into this life!”
That troubled me the first time I heard it, so I shoved the message aside, thinking it was from the dark side. After all, who in their right might would choose to have troubles, let alone severe ones which felt so crushing at times it hurt to breathe?! It sounded too much like victim-blaming.
The second time I heard it I thought it was an interesting coincidence that it happened again but I ignored it. By that time I thought God may be trying to tell me something but since I didn’t know what it meant and I was struggling with feeling God actually loved me, I shoved it aside, for I felt very triggered and blamed.
The third time I was shocked and knew that messages which come in threes must not be ignored but I really didn’t know how to process it at all. I was learning that God loves me, but I still struggled with the enormity and all the possible meanings that information could possibly hold.
The fourth time was a miracle time because when I asked “Why” the woman was able to tell me that it was because I had the inner strength to learn from it and then be able to teach others, except that I hadn’t discovered that strength yet.
When I asked, “why me?”, she smiled and said, “Why not you?”
I asked her if this was true of each of us, and she smiled and said that now I was beginning to understand a truth about life.
So what does it mean?
If we each agreed to our troubles here before we were born, and if it teaches us things we would otherwise not learn, that also means we each have the undiscovered strength and ability to not only go through our own healing, but through the miracle of our inner transformation, of learning to turn poison into medicine, that miracle of miracles, we would be able to help others who had suffered too!
This changed my whole perspective from feeling like a vulnerable victim who feared being preyed upon by more unscrupulous people to discovering my inner remote control to take charge of myself and my healing.
Having this information didn’t fast-track me past the difficult stages of healing, but it did help lift my mind out of dark thoughts and help me to see a bigger purpose.
Miraculously, we each have this inside of ourselves!
Step one: for deep healing
I found for profound inner healing, I needed to teach myself to like myself!
I realized that a lot of my issues stemmed from my having internalized all the negative messaging I had received verbally and through how I had been treated that I continued where they had left off by speaking very harshly and unkindly to myself.
This almost constant barrage of negative self-talk served to increase my anxiety and depression levels and diminish my ability to feel like I could do something good for myself or that I even deserved it, si I’d self-sabotage when things started to go well.
I had realized one day that I really didn’t like myself, and that my negative self-talk was the starting point I needed to be able to really work on my healing.
I had to start with small baby steps because even anything remotely strong would trigger panic attacks.
I had to learn to practice suspending judgment of myself, to practice speaking kindly and gently to myself instead of harshly and cruelly.
Step one took me a long time to accomplish, that’s a toughie, but the other steps flow much faster and seem to speed by when that step is learned!
What happens when we backslide?
What happens when we find ourselves right back in the negative mindset we were in before and struggling to pull ourselves up?
Do Step 1 again!
Rinse and repeat! Keep redoing step 1 as often as needed! I repeated Sep 1 hundreds of times, because that’s exactly what my wounded soul needed!
I found each time I revisit Step 1, it helps me on an even deeper level, but my time there is shorter and shorter, sometimes only a few minutes long!
What is the miracle we discover?
The miracle of our healing is we discover that we are the River pilots of our own boats, navigating through the waters of life!
We discover that when we teach ourselves to like ourselves, that releases so much negativity occupying our bandwidth so we actually have the strength to get through each day!
When we teach ourselves to like ourselves, we’re no longer self-sabotaging because secretly we believe we don’t deserve healing or happiness!
When we teach ourselves to like ourselves, we make better choices for ourselves! We no longer accept the dregs of life because we fear we don’t deserve more!
When we teach ourselves to like ourselves, our relationships change because we no longer accept being treated poorly or abusively.
Below are more posts to help you dig into Step 1: teaching ourselves to like ourselves.
It’s a process requiring us to keep giving it more tries, especially in the beginning, because it doesn’t feel natural to an embattled mind or spirit!
I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
I’m sharing more posts that may be helpful for you:
- 10 Steps to Owning Our Happiness
- Setting “Boundaries with consequences”
- Making a change… “How do I take that first step?”
- Affirmation: Today is a new day! I can do this!
- As we practice being gentle and kind with ourselves, we actually help to speed the process of helping our lives become more positive!
- Always believe that wonderful things can happen!
- A healthy outside starts from the inside!
- Brain Rewiring
More good stuff:
Teaching ourselves to like, even to love ourselves
By changing our inner dialogue, we change EVERYTHING!
Red Ocean or Blue Ocean? How do you think?
An answer to dealing with the Inner Critic!
My top 10 most viewed posts, plus a few bonuses!
A helpful trick to be able to overcome negatively Comparing Ourselves to others…
Do you only accept yourself if you look a certain way?
Start today, start tomorrow, just start!
There is no enlightenment outside of daily life – Thich Nhat Hanh
Please go to my Archived Posts page to find more wonderful posts to check out!
Blessings!
Thank you for sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara
https://tamarakulish.com/ Archived Posts: https://tamarakulish.com/archived-posts/
My books: Now available through Walmart.com!
Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audio book available!
Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:
Removing Inner Blocks, Anger Journal, Guided Anxiety Journal Joy & Mindfulness Journal My Boundaries Journal My Inner Thoughts Journal
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Tamara Kulish 
Really great post and advice! It is absolutely possible for all of us to heal even when we feel as though we will never heal from the pain. The way we talk to ourselves and look at ourselves makes a huge difference and having a positive mindset can truly make a big difference.
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Agree 💯! I think when we’re raw with the pain it feels like we can never heal. I had observed with others and with myself that healing wasn’t happening as long as we spoke to ourselves negatively and judgmentally. In fact our mental outlook has the power to add to our pain and to prolong it, or we can do the very difficult work of changing how we speak to ourselves. Many people try but give up, because in the early stages it doesn’t feel at all natural nor do we see progress. This is why “self-help” has been given a bad rap, but the truth is, only we have the deep power to make the changes! Such an incredible paradox!
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Yeah it definitely takes a while to change our habits and that’s why people give up. Like you said we have to keep going even when it seems awkward or unnatural in the early stages. That’s how we change our way of thinking longterm.
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Right?! We don’t even need to keep at it all the time, if we keep trying, even with breaks in between, we still work on rewiring our brains. It slower but it’s manageable!
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Yes absolutely- baby steps!
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Tamara, your messages are so honest and heartfelt, and you offer many helpful ideas. 🙏🏻
This stood out to me:
“… through the miracle of our inner transformation, of learning to turn poison into medicine, that miracle of miracles, we would be able to help others who had suffered too!”
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🥰 thanks Michelle! I’m deeply appreciative of your kind words! I love that particular truth too, it helps to make some sense of the things that we go through! If the universe thought I needed to hear those messages, it would only work if I shared them honestly and didn’t try to set myself up as some kind of special person or guru! I found I didn’t respect people who did that with the information they were given.
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You are welcome, Tamara! 😊 More helpful insights. Thank you. 🌼
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🥰🌼🌼🌼
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The same message 4 times – wow, that is an amazing story, Tamara. Bless you for the work you’ve done for yourself…and had the courage and leadership to share with others. No wonder you were chosen! So brave!
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I never saw it as being chosen as much as it took 4 people to finally get me to see a truth other people have accepted after hearing it once! 😜 the 4th lady told me that my books would help many people, and I stumbled over the plurality, because I was struggling to write the first book, not even knowing if I could!
I think my story, though different from many, is in fact so similar to so many… we don’t know what we’re capable of until we start our journey! I love baby steps, I feel I took mostly baby steps on this journey, but even those end up getting us where we need to be!
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No psychic told me but when I had this strong awareness that this journey is pre-determined for and by me, all ‘characters’ agreed upon their roles with each other – it gave me a tremendous relief and confort. When I realized what I could become because of my experiences, it felt very empowering and liberating. I clearly feel that I wouldn’t give back any pain if it meant I am not who I am today. I agree the number 1 principle is to love myself – along with everything that could be different, I love myself. Your post feels a wonderful resonance to be with Tamara.
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Thanks so very much! I appreciate your feedback and positivity! Yes, you probably intuited this! I had heard it previously bit i rejected it as being New Age and chose my suffering instead as a result. I’m happy to have had those experiences because the way they happened connected with something inside of me so I could no longer reject the concept. That it meant I was in charge of my healing instead of waiting on someone else to do it for me via therapy or something, was a terrifying thought because I had not the faintest idea of where to start. It was a huge mountain for me, each tiny step was hard won, and it seemed like others so easily grasped what I struggled with. Happily the Universe kept bringing me spiritual and emotional tidbits to chew on so I just had to keep walking! Yes, the end destination brings us to a place of deep love! (I believe that I need to write more on that, since I’ve focused on the beginning steps for quite some time now! I deeply appreciate your wise insights! 🥰
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” each tiny step was hard won,” – I can feel and understand that. The journey is richer for all that keeps bringing us to these miraculous depths of our being. You write with such incredible clarity – wouldn’t be possible without your very authentic journey inside out. You are very welcome, it is my pleasure and privilege.
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☺️☺️ thanks so much! I totally agree with you! While these are sometimes sa times, they’re also an incredible privilege for when else in history could we connect with wonderful people around the globe and be able to communicate instantly?! Truly a wonder!!
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You are very welcome :))
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Very wise and beautiful words Tamara, may they be a light in our darkness 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
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Thanks so very much Mark! Always hoping to help others help themselves! I appreciate you stopping in!! 😊
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