by Tamara Kulish from https://www.tamarakulish.com/

Mental health hack: have something to look forward to

meme by DeepMindsAnonymous

I can tell you as someone who has struggled with depression on and off through the years (I had been diagnosed with situational depression), having something to look forward to is very important, for it tethers a person to hope that better days are coming.

I used to struggle with feeling hopeful. My inner self-talk was brutal to the point that I’d shrivel up inside and lose hope. I felt I didn’t deserve anything good. I felt unworthy to even breathe the air and walk the earth.

Around the time that I was so sickened with my existence, I realized that I spoke very unkindly to myself. I had a hard time changing that inner talk, because, you know, unworthiness. I struggled on anyway, starting with tiny baby steps and slowly building on each tiny success. I started to believe that maybe just maybe I did deserve some good things in my life.

Once I started to believe I maybe deserved some good things in my life, I started to look for the small things that I could feel hopeful about and that would bring me some joy. I slowly started to get into the habit of looking for the small things, and before long I realized they were the glue that was holding some of my still very difficult days together. (These were the days when my youngest granddaughter was going through her second cancer battle and I was going through a marriage that was dissolving because of that and then a divorce.) Trust me, there were some very difficult days.

It was those small things that I had to look forward to that held my days together. That was when I found I could be grateful, not because everything was going super-duper well, but because the small precious moments gave my life bits of joy and peace of mind.

Here’s a quote by a lovely woman who kept herself grounded with the treasured little things in her life:

I make it a point to appreciate all the little things in my life. I will go out and smell the air after a good, hard rain. I re-read passages from my favorite books. I hold the little treasures that somebody special gave me. These small actions help remind me that there are so many great, glorious pieces of good in the world.

Quote by Dolly Parton
Meme created by person unknown,  quote by Dolly Parton

Those hard days passed. The lessons from those days never left me. I learned to find joy in so many things each day. Mind you there were some days I had to look really hard for the good stuff, but once I started looking I discovered so many things that I had taken for granted before.

Life can be very difficult at time, but when we bypass the small joys and minimize them in our mind because they aren’t big or splashy, we end up shriveling up our capacity for joy. When that capacity shrinks, we can get bitter thinking the universe doesn’t love us enough to bring us the bigger joys we thing our soul needs.

Yet when we slowly build a practice of looking for those moments of joy, we actually build our capacity to see it and feel it more deeply, maybe because wee come to appreciate it even more.

For a next bit of practice, try this experiment for the next 24 hours:

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1F6qcVq2eQ/

I encourage you to look for little things that you can look forward to. You may be surprised where it can lead you!

Underrated mental health hack:

Have something to look forward to.
It doesn’t have to be big.
A dinner plan. A weekend walk.
A show tonight. Your nervous system
needs reminders that life isn’t just
responsibilities and survival.

meme by DeepMindsAnonymous

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

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24 thoughts on “Mental health hack: have something to look forward to”

  1. This is such a good reminder honestly, we always chase the big wins and totally skip over the small stuff that’s actually keeping us glued together day to day. Also respect for sharing what you went through with your granddaughter and the divorce all at once, that’s a lot to carry. Glad you found your way to the other side of it and are out here reminding the rest of us to actually look forward to stuff instead of just surviving. needed this today tbh.

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  2. While I do not doubt that your strategy helped you, Tamara, most therapists who encounter new clients would not offer the strategy, especially because those who come into treatment are often dealing with immobilizing depression.

    Others would say that they had tried that, that they had few friends, that they were afraid of being in crowds, or that they did have enough money to do the kinds of things they wanted.

    In time ahead, your approach might be beneficial, but even then, not necessarily for everyone.

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    1. Thank you for your feedback Dr. Stein. I expanded on the quote to include the many small joys in our lives, that when we see those things and allow ourselves to feel joy, we lift our spirits. I’m definitely not speaking to the folks who have debilitating depression, that’s out of my wheelhouse. If someone can feel joy by appreciating the small joys, why not? So often we can skip right over them and minimize them

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  3. The small things often are the only ones that help us to get through the day. When I was younger I thought it foolish sometimes to cling to small joys but I learnt to appreciate them later in life. They are not a crutch, but essential. And actually, they are not that small;-) Today for me it was visiting the mother of a friend of mine, enjoying the walk to her house through nature and now looking at the moon, half full, rising at the night sky. Thank you, Tamara, for reminding us! Wishing you many joys, great or small, throughout your week!

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    1. Thanks so much Christiane, I wish the same for you!

      Years ago I remember hearing people describe some joys in life as a crutch. What, I would ask. They seemed to think only grand and grandiose things mattered, to which I would shake my head, for they were always waiting for the big stuff while totally ignoring and actively debating the small things. They didn’t seem too happy, living with their criticisms and sarcasms.

      It sounds like you had a delightful and meaningful day! How wonderful for you!

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  4. Those many things in life build some terrible habits. So I just built some more. Well, it is my body, mind, soul. If I want to be happy its my choice 😂 Walks in nature, wading in water, too many ice creams. Its always my path. Great post kind lady, you chose it well 🤗❤️🙏

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  6. This is a great reminder, Tamara. I love that quote. And I’m sorry for all you’ve been through, but grateful you’ve come out on the other side and can remind us to find the goodness.

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  7. Wow – “when we bypass the small joys and minimize them in our mind because they aren’t big or splashy, we end up shriveling up our capacity for joy.” That is such a wise reminder! Thank you, Tamara!

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  8. Thank you for sharing this, Tamara. I can relate. Even when I was seemingly excelling in all areas of life (career, relationships, health, fitness, etc.), I focused on picking apart tiny missteps and was not kind to myself. Since then, I’ve learned so much of what you’re sharing about finding small things to look forward to. I can make such a difference, can’t it?

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