by Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/

Useful phrases to use when people speak down to you

We’ve all experienced that sinking feeling when someone speaks down to us—that awkward moment when disrespect hangs in the air, leaving us fumbling for the right response.

Whether it’s a condescending colleague, an overstepping family member, or even a stranger who’s crossed the line, these interactions can shake our confidence and leave us replaying the scenario for days.

But what if you could transform these uncomfortable moments with just a few carefully chosen words? The most brilliant communicators among us have mastered this delicate art—responding to disrespect without creating conflict or compromising their dignity.

12 Powerful Phrases That Make Others Think Twice Before Speaking Down to You by Barrie Davenport

12 Powerful Phrases That Make Others Think Twice Before Speaking Down to You by Barrie Davenport

  1. I appreciate your perspective, but I see it differently
  2. Let’s pause for a moment and reset this conversation
  3. I notice you feel strongly about this. I’d like to understand why
  4. That approach doesn’t work for me. Here’s what would be helpful instead
  5. I’ve noticed a pattern in our interactions that I’d like to address
  6. I value clarity in communication. Could you rephrase that?
  7. I’m confident in my position on this matter
  8. We seem to have different communication styles. Let’s find common ground
  9. I’ve found that conversations work best when we speak to each other as equals
  10. That comment doesn’t align with how I see myself
  11. I’d prefer to discuss this when the tone is more collaborative
  12. I understand you have expertise in this area. So do I, from a different perspective

Barrie Davenport has created a great list to memorize and then use when people choose to speak down to or to belittle you.

We don’t need to prove to them or disprove to them whether they’re right or wrong, and often they prefer their own narrative anyway since it makes them feel superior. It’s their own insecurities creating the need for them to put others down so that they can feel better about themselves.

That being said, sometimes a quick, verifiable proof can come in very handy!

I’ve had a few people tell me I’m not a REAL artist because I don’t make my living at it. Sorry, but the big-box retail art stores kind of ruined that for a lot of artists, because the public now expects to buy original artwork for the price of an inexpensive reproduction. If they want to spend $50 max on a piece and that only covers the cost of my art materials, guess what? I’m not going to make a living selling at those prices!

When people I meet openly sneer at me for saying I’m an artist, (yes, that’s happened a few times) I pull my artist site up on Fine Art America and show them my paintings, then ask them to decide for themselves. I usually get apologies after, but not always. That’s okay, not all art appeals to all people.

For an added tip, this video is a good one. He teaches to calmly ask the person if there’s anything else after they say their insult.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/14HqeRFspbD/

Part of dealing with difficult people is to first get to know ourselves, and get to feeling comfortable with who we are. None of us are finished, we’re all works in progress, and we each have different strengths and weaknesses.

My wish for you if you struggle with people trying to demean you, let them reveal who they are, but don’t take it personally, they’re speaking from their own need to feel superior to you, possibly because something about you has unsettled them and they feel the need to give some push-back.

In my case it was because I had the *gasp* audacity to calmly say I’m an artist, and not be putting my abilities down and then need to look for their approval. I obviously didn’t need their approval, and I upset their egos, so they needed to try to cut me down and “put me in my place”, except I was already comfortable in my own space!

Find your own space and feel comfortable in it. We don’t have to be the best at something, remember, we’re all a work in progress!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
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34 thoughts on “Useful phrases to use when people speak down to you”

  1. How useful! You’ll never believe this, but I have a post coming out in a couple of weeks about a stranger, who just had to tell me how to get to the beach, what beach to get to, what beach she loved, all without really asking me if I knew any of this information lol

    I’ll remember a few of these, though, like: I’m confident in my position on this matter.

    Liked by 4 people

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    1. LOL, glad they came in handy! When people give me unasked for information, I try to just listen and nod, they probably need the audience more than I need the information! A couple, “Oh, is that so’s” or “Mmhm, that interesting” usually seems to satisfy them. 🙂

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  3. A very fine essay, Tamara.bIvwould add that if you are pushing back at someone, it tends to be useful to have enough time together to work things out, and do it face to face rather than Zoom or text or email or snail mail.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Yes, thank you, great point Dr. Stein! People can write something with one tone of voice in mind and the person reading it can hear a totally different tone in their mind when reading. I prefer in person conversations for that reason, otherwise too often there’s miscommunication.

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  4. I really like, “I’d prefer to discuss this when the tone is more collaborative.” You have so many good points – especially that the speaker is usually revealing more about themselves. Great post, Tamara!

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Thanks Wynne, yes, people reveal so much about themselves when they make negative comments to others. They show us their own hurt and pain, for healed hearts are happy for others success and feel no need to bring someone down to try to feel better about themselves!

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  6. I generally ask them to repeat themselves and that tends to stop them and rethink their words. Sometimes people do it without meaning to and other times people talk down to others on purpose but in general having to repeat what they said either embarrasses them enough to stop or helps them understand why what they said is inappropriate. Really great post!

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Thanks Pooja! I love your approach, it’s quietly effective! You’ve accomplished 2 things in one go, getting them to stop saying negatives to you and them becoming a little self reflective. Love it!

      Liked by 1 person

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  7. Excellent post, Tamara, which speaks to a demeaning email I received earlier today from my ex. It would appear that he’s having a bad day or he’s not happy that I’m content with my life and what I’ve achieved. Since I don’t wish to engage with him, I did not respond with any of the powerful phrases recommended by Barrie Davenport. As you point out, in demeaning me, he revealed who he really is.
    I love your artwork. You’re an artist, regardless of how much you earn with your craft.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thanks so much for your support Rosaliene, I appreciate it. Yes, with exes it’s sometimes just better to be no contact. You’re wise not to, and to recognize that his words were coming from a place inside of him that needs healing. Only very unhealed people need to send a letter to someone else to dump on them in an effort to make themselves feel better.

      If the old you would have responded back, defensively, the new you can ignore him. He was trying to get a rise out of you, to be able to have the fight with you he’s craving! By stepping out of the arena, you leave him to stew in his juices. No longer your monkey or your circus!

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. I wonder if that’s because you’re a man? I’ve had people telling me that if I were a man it would have been okay to continue my artistic interests past my teenage years, but since I’m a woman I needed to pit them aside and be realistic about life!

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    1. Thanks so much! I appreciate your supportive words! Yes, I try to capture emotions and the essence of a subject.

      Liked by 1 person

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  10. It is an interesting thing we deal with on a daily basis, those many fearful judgemental individuals leaving us bouncing from so many angles in those encounters. And yes, your list a good armoury for those many meetings kind lady. Thank you for the share 🤗❤️🙏

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    1. I’ve gotten so solid in myself now that people no longer seem to direct those insults towards me. They look at me and see that their negative words will find no hold in my heart, for the need to find a victim who they can claw down to the level they’re feeling about themselves. If they felt good about themselves, they’d just be happy for someone else.

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