The “grind” culture has been going on for a long time.

Spoiler alert: Grind culture = unrealistic expectations.

The grind culture comes and goes every few years with people overworking themselves and feeling guilty if they’re not working, to them discovering that their health and relationships are suffering as a result of their efforts.

We used to want a work/life balance, then we didn’t, then we wanted to set healthy boundaries, etc.

“Quiet quitting” (see my previous post) became the “it“ word to describe setting boundaries and not allowing ourselves to be taken advantage of.

Then “quiet firing” made its rounds, explaining the phenomenon of managers making life so unbearable for an employee that they’d quit instead of firing them.

It’s interesting to have these cultural buzzwords floating around at a time when I’m able to observe these things happening around me, as well as other people’s reactions, in real-time.

I’ve just gone through a period of time where events in my life took up so much bandwidth in my mind that I wasn’t able to write as frequently as I did previously.

Rather than feel guilty about not meeting writing and publishing targets, I simply allowed myself to flow with what was happening instead of fighting against it to meet what ultimately are arbitrary burdens we place on ourselves.

Health tolls of Grind Culture

In the past, I had to learn the hard way that always “pushing through”, against all odds, and never slowing down to rest and recuperate, had a terrible effect on my health.

I developed Chronic Shingles in my early 20s because I didn’t take care of my health and kept pushing through.

My stress levels were sky-high in those days (I had an alcoholic/cocaine-addicted husband who was creating financial headaches) but I had no idea how to handle stress except to try to burn it off through exercise, which ended up putting even more stress on my body, so I got Shingles for the first time, due to the effects stress had on my immune system.

References:

• Stress, Illness and the Immune System By Dr. Saul McLeod on Simply Psychology
• How Does Stress Affect the Immune System? In Partnership with the University of Maryland School of Medicine
• Effects of stress on immune function: the good, the bad, and the beautiful by Firdaus S Dhabhar with the National Library of Medicine
• What Happens When Your Immune System Gets Stressed Out? by the Cleveland Clinic
• Stress effects on the body by the American Psychological Association

Even though my doctor had perhaps told me to rest a bit (I don’t remember that very well), I pushed through and kept my extremely rigorous workout routine going, because that was how I handled my stress. That was exactly the opposite of what my mind and body needed, so I had a relapse with the Shingles.

Getting sick with a very painful illness only added to my stress, so guess what I did to deal with the stress?

Right! I continued with my grueling workouts, which only made me experience relapse after relapse, which made me even more stressed out. (I was an anorexic during that time, and exercise was also my way of dealing with any incoming calories.)

What a self-defeating cycle! Unfortunately for me, all those relapses created a Chronic condition, that even now affects my immune system.

Trust me when I say, I’ve learned from that painful lesson, that when I feel my mind and body are overwhelmed, I need to back off and take things easier. If I don’t listen, I end up paying the price with Shingles eruptions making themselves known for a few weeks.

So this time when I felt almost my entire bandwidth being taken over, I didn’t fight it, I went with the flow.

Grind culture = unrealistic expectations

A huge part of successfully navigating the flow of new circumstances seeking to impose conditions on us is mentally disengaging from expectations!

Expectations, ours, and our perception of others are in themselves huge stressors. Expectations often aren’t real but are what we imagine other people want from us, and vice versa.

Expectations often are very unrealistic and pay no attention to what is actually going on or what could actually happen. Expectations are often exaggerations of wishes and desires, so they need to be cut down to size, to fit with reality.

By “Consciously Uncoupling” (see how I brought another buzzword in?) from expectations, we can then allow ourselves to go at a pace that makes much more sense.

In order to do this, we must first look inward at our thoughts to see what hidden expectations we have been holding onto, look at them straight in the eye, and ask ourselves if we really are able to fulfill them even in the best of conditions. Then we need to carefully look at what our current conditions are to determine if it’s realistically feasible to do.

Often expectations fool us with their flashy appearance and their false promises, so we believe them to be true! Unfortunately, they’re not!

Perceived disappointments

Once we consciously separate ourselves from expectations, it becomes so much easier to map out a much more beneficial strategy for our workload and to mentally minimize the perceived disappointments we fear others will have in us.

Perceived disappointments that others may have in us are a huge inner propellant to pushing ourselves way past our limitations.

Having had a chronic illness and people still expecting me to be a miracle worker, I understand this pressure.

The pressures other people place on our shoulders are real, so being able to firmly set boundaries that respect our mental and physical limitations is vital, for they won’t do it for us!

I repeat: other people will not back off placing expectations upon us; it is up to each of us to recognize what we’re able to handle and what throws our mental and physical health under the bus!

Don’t expect others to understand what our limitations are, nor to give us grace when we set our boundaries in place.

Expect pushback from others.

They may have become overly reliant on us, have placed too much responsibility on our shoulders, or/and expect us to operate at levels they can sustain.

Remember this: only we ourselves live in our own skin, so only we know when we’re physically, mentally, and emotionally overloaded.

These levels are different for each person, so what is doable for one person is too much for someone else. PS: don’t be fooled for a second by what people post on social media! It’s pretty much 90% smoke and mirrors!

Don’t feel pressured to “live up to” or to conform to the “standards” certain people seem to be setting! Set your own!

As I stated earlier when I was chronically ill with Shingles, people had no clue that constant pain interrupts sleep, so extreme fatigue is a very real issue, and not respecting one’s energy levels can result in getting sicker.

Those same people still expected me as a single mom to work full time, do my grocery shopping/cooking/cleaning/pick ups and drop offs, as well as be available for all church activities. It took every ounce of energy to just get through a workday, then I’d struggle home on public transit, stopping off along my route to do errands/shopping before I got home. I was exhausted and sometimes crawled around on my hands and knees behind closed doors because my body and knees had given in.

The disdain I was treated with was strong. I received many “corrective” conversations about my “behavior” and was told I just needed to “pull up my bootstraps” and do what was expected of me. (I always tried to maintain a cheerful face, not to complain, for I didn’t want to risk receiving more “corrective” conversations, so that meant that except for very few, most people had no idea the true scope of what I was experiencing.)

I did my very best to comply, in order to gain their approval, but it was a goal I never reached. It broke me further and added to the anxieties and depression I was struggling with.

With every person who expressed their “disappointment” or disdain for my health issues and “how I was handling it”, my inner self-talk became more and more negative as I berated and chastised myself for “not measuring up”.

Setting limitations

Setting limitations in order to manage expectations will sometimes result in removing certain activities or people from our lives, or the people decide to remove themselves.

So be it.

We cannot be ALL things to ALL people. Mission impossible!

I know this may be a point of bitterness and frustration, but until we accept that reality we will continue chasing the unattainable.

If you’ve read this far, you may yourself be struggling with needing to put limitations into place, knowing that you will get pushback from some people, or you may feel you’re letting them down.

Ask yourself: Is the current level of energy being expended sustainable, or are you starting to break?

If you’re starting to break, I do advise pumping the brakes!

A gradual slowdown can be more manageable and easier to fold into your current life than a more drastic stoppage.

If you do nothing, you risk your mental/physical, and even emotional health breaking down completely, and then a stoppage is forced upon you.

I repeat: Doing nothing to change is still a choice. It may well result in a complete breakdown of health, forcing you to take care of yourself.

Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury!

Self-care is necessary for us to be able to function well for many years to come. Don’t expect others to notice, step in and tell you to rest! Many bosses and family members are only too happy to keep imposing upon you in order to have their needs and wants to be met.

It’s up to us to look at what is realistic, what is sustainable, and what is not!

It’s up to each of us to speak up for ourselves. We can do this kindly and politely, but if we’re not being heard or respected, it’s up to each of us to decide if we wish to withdraw from that environment or activity.

Our activity and energy levels will also fluctuate, so expecting a consistent level may be very unrealistic, and we need to communicate with others when these changes occur, and not expect them to perceive it.

Going full-bore all the time isn’t healthy! It takes its toll.

Even machines need downtime to cool off the engines and for maintenance! Why are we expecting that we can outperform machines?

Let me know what your thoughts are regarding this prickly subject and what you are doing in your own life to respect your limitations and manage expectations!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts! Don’t forget to Like, Comment, and Follow my blog! If you want to become a Guest writer, please contact me and we’ll work out the details!
https://tamarakulish.com/ Archived Posts: https://tamarakulish.com/archived-posts/

My books: Now available through Walmart.com!

Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!

Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:

Removing Inner Blocks,    Anger Journal,    Guided Anxiety Journal    Joy & Mindfulness Journal     My Boundaries Journal   My Inner Thoughts Journal   

Thanks for buying my books on Amazon!

#writing #InspirationalWriting #art #creativity #strength #mentor #teacher #HappinessGuru #love #growth #healing #life, #inspiration, #quotes #happiness #joy #PersonalGrowth #pain #depression #anxiety #SelfEsteem, #LifeSkills #empowerment #encouragement #support #intuition #journal #consciousness #mind #learn #God #universe #angels #spiritual #spirit #awareness #journal #boundaries #emotionalhealth #mentalhealth #emotions