by Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/

The steps I recently took in taking a new step forward in my life and some tips on Emotional Intelligence

– Unknown author or photographer

I very recently started a new phase of my life, at a new job.

I had put in my 2-weeks notice a few days before I needed to and as prepared as I thought I was, I was surprised at how stressed out I felt, and how my body registered that stress with migraines and my back locking up.

My nerves jangled, I was wary that certain people in my old place of work might make my life very difficult, for they had done so to others. Thankfully I was able to rise above all the last minute demands, which seemed petty to my colleagues who overheard the requests.

I set out to be over-the-top professional, speaking in gentle tones, always performing the tasks to top level quality, and even going above and beyond by doing things they hadn’t thought of asking me. My self-worth is no longer tied to the actions of other people or how they choose to behave, it is now something I have developed within, and it has shifted my perspective of myself and my place in this world.

“I used to be a perfectionist, and I think it had to do with gaining approval from external entities. Once self-worth has been developing, the opinions of others matter far less and it’s much easier to let go of the need for external approval or praise.”

Esoterica

My colleagues let me know they felt I was being baited and marveled at my composure, but I told them I wasn’t going to give the 1 or 2 people power over me by responding emotionally and quitting or being fired for insubordination.

I had a vested interest to make sure I stuck out the 2 weeks to be able to cash out my 20 days accumulated and unused vacation days. I didn’t get that many vacation days per year, so it was accumulated over time. It took all my strength to work on focusing on my goals and to be mindful to manage my stress levels.

You see, those 2 people had gotten me reassigned to a lower position (politically motivated within the organization) yet kept telling me how I hadn’t done anything wrong, how valuable I was, how they needed my skill sets, etc. ect. Sugar, sugar, sugar.

This happened right before Christmas break, so at the very strong urging of my daughter I did some angry applying for jobs while off from work. In January I returned back to work, moved into my new position, and was pleasant and professional in my new capacity.

Meanwhile, those applications I had put in over the holidays resulted in a few interviews. I knew some of the places I had applied to had long hiring times, so I waited patiently. When I finally was offered the very position I wanted most, I put in my 2-weeks notice.

Had they not done to me what they had, and in the way they had, I would have been very happy serving the new incoming executive, probably until I retired.

They had lied to me about the reasons why, and it was very easily disproved. I could have become one of the many people who have brought lawsuits against them for wrongful demotion or firing, but I realized that just wasn’t me. That wasn’t who I wanted to be, or what I wanted to go through, so finding a new job, a better job, seemed like much more of a victory.

quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer

I started the new job and could clearly see the difference in how everything was run and this is reflected in how the employees respond to one another. It has been a revelation to see the differences.

During this same time frame a house I had previously bid on but lost to a higher bidder, came back on the market, so I have been working with my agent this week and weekend to move that along. I had originally told him I was taking a break from house-hunting until I got 1 or 2 paychecks under my belt to satisfy the mortgage broker, but she has been most helpful through this process. (Update on the house: it failed every inspection, so NO deal! *sigh* I need to trust that something better is in store for me!)

You may have noticed that I’ve been scarcer on WordPress than I used to be; I was using that time to move through all my emotions and making plans for my future. My bandwidth sometimes only allowed me to visit certain blogger’s sites and to comment, and that was okay with me. I know that a regular blogging schedule is recommended to grow one’s blog, but for me it was far more important to work on growing my spirit.

Sometime we just need to give ourselves permission to ease off the gas pedal in life and take things at a slower pace. It’s all good, for we will get to where we want to go, but be a much saner and healthier person!

There were 3 major life changes in the span of a couple of weeks. Phew! It took a toll on me, and this weekend I came down sick. Friday night I had a fever which thankfully broke on Saturday morning. My appetite has been returning very slowly, I’m taking good care of myself and resting.

Even though I have been working hard on rising above, being professional and kind, it still takes a toll on a person, for we still need to process that stress.

Rising above doesn’t mean we don’t feel it. We do. We just work on not letting it out on others.

There’s a difference between rising above when wrong has been done to us, and stuffing everything down. Stuffing everything down is very risky, for those strong emotions will fester when not dealt with and then explode when triggered.

I’ve seen and experienced enough of that in my life to decide that isn’t the path I choose for myself, for the physical repercussions on my health are devastating, not to mention that I would just perpetuate the toxicity.

I came across this post on emotional intelligence and felt this would be a good place to share it.

Emotional Intelligence helps us to navigate through those difficult times when we want to get angry and lash out. It is something we can each develop, and isn’t something only one category of people may have. This is something that when we do the work of developing it helps us through the difficult times.

Like I said before, rising above doesn’t mean we don’t feel those strong feelings; we’ve just learned to recognize them faster before we explode, and the tools help us to process our emotions in healthier ways so we can reach a state of feeling calm and peaceful.

– by Power of Positivity

“What is emotional intelligence and who has this ability?” – by PERFORMANCE PSYCHOLOGY

People with high emotional intelligence stand out through a series of behaviors:

  • They use a rich vocabulary when expressing their emotions. Instead of saying that they feel “bad”, people with above average emotional intelligence will frame the emotion in a more niche spectrum: sadness, frustration, irritation, etc.. The more specifically the emotion is expressed, the more it will be assimilated well, and its causes will be identified, in search of solutions.
  • They are socially curious. Regardless of whether they are introverts or extroverts, those with high EQ will want to know more about those around them, to understand their motivation, passions, moods.
  • It adapts. Such people do not freeze in the face of the possibility of change, but embrace it and think of a plan of action to help them cope from any perspective.
  • They know their strengths and weaknesses. Correct assessment of one’s own qualities helps the emotionally intelligent to identify the things they are very good at and the things they will never excel at. Thus, depending on the skills they have, they orient themselves towards areas where they can put themselves to good use, without letting themselves be defeated by insecurities.
  • They know when to refuse and when to stop. Delaying rewards and self-control lead to an increased ability to avoid impulsive behaviors. This means that people with high EQ know both when to stop and say “no” to their own starts and how to turn others down.
  • They take advantage of their own mistakes. They keep them in mind so they don’t repeat them, but don’t allow them to stop them from persevering. In other words, they know how to forgive themselves for their own mistakes, but they do not evaluate themselves only through their prism and tend to evolve without being inhibited by such a mistake.
  • They have solid relationships. Because, in their interaction with other people, they do not create expectations and disappointments. Instead, they think about those around them, and this helps them build strong and lasting relationships.
  • Neutralizes toxicity. Precisely because they are very aware of their own emotions and feelings, they very easily identify the states caused by other attitudes, recognize their cause and thus neutralize their own response to toxic people and relationships.
  • They don’t look for perfection and appreciate what they have. They allow themselves to make mistakes and do not put overwhelming pressure on themselves or others. They know that we are all subject to error and easily overcome obstacles, precisely because they project the future without clinging to the webs of past errors. At the same time, they take the time to assimilate and appreciate, even vocally at times, what they have, whether it is special relationships with other people or professional achievements.


Improving emotional intelligence is a very important aspect of personal development. Studies have shown that people with a higher level of emotional intelligence enjoy fulfilling and successful careers and relationships. If you constantly think of ways to develop your emotional intelligence, you will most likely become more charismatic and interesting to others, this contributing to the confidence you have in yourself.”

“What is emotional intelligence and who has this ability?” – by PERFORMANCE PSYCHOLOGY

Emotional Intelligence isn’t just a badge of honor or a skill learned for a job and then forgotten. It involves changing how we see ourselves and how we see others.

– Author and photographer unknown

I’ve been having an interesting conversation with Essentially Ellie in the comments of her post “My Personal View of Having a Disability” wherein she states:

“Finally, I count myself lucky. I realize that not all disabled people feel the same way as I do. This is just my personal view of living with a disability and being a wheelchair user. I am, on the whole, very happy in my own skin.”

Essentially Ellie in her post “My Personal View of Having a Disability“

Ellie hasn’t had an easy path in life, but she’s been doing the tough inner work to reach a place of peace and hope.

Emotional intelligence doesn’t eliminate the problems, it helps us navigate through them!

Blessings to you all!

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Tamara
https://tamarakulish.com/ Archived Posts: https://tamarakulish.com/archived-posts/

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43 thoughts on “The steps I recently took in taking a new step forward in my life and some tips on Emotional Intelligence”

  1. Congratulations on your new job and steps towards buying a home! I’m so excited for you! 😊Practicing and acting in an emotionally healthy way through such a challenging time is definitely something to be super proud of. Thanks for sharing these helpful tips about emotional intelligence with us all.

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    1. Thanks so much! I appreciate your supportive words! This is a time of deep transition and fingers crossed the inspections will go well!

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  2. First of all, congrats on your new job, Tamara! You handled everything with such grace and emotional intelligence, and I think this is something we should all aspire to be: emotionally healthy enough to interact in a level-headed way in different scenarios. There’s so much wisdom in this post, and I’m grateful that you’ve shared it.

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    1. Thanks so much for your support and encouragement! There’s no point in telling people what they need to do unless we can’t also show examples of how to handle everyday challenging things. Changing jobs is a very common topic these days, and there’s so many ways we could choose to handle things isn’t there!

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    1. Thanks so much Devang! I’m feeling much more at peace! I’m happy I handled things the way I did, no regrets.

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  4. This is a rich read, Tamara. ✨ Many meaningful points of discussion. Bravo to you for staying strong and maintaining your integrity in a difficult work environment and for obtaining a new position. It is understandable how that level of stress can affect a person. Best wishes to you in your new position and with your house purchase, if it is meant to be. Sounds like you are entering into an exciting new phase!

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    1. Thanks so much Michelle! I appreciate your good wishes! I really didn’t realize how much stress I was going through until that job finished. It was a place where everyone walked on eggshells around the higher ups, because we saw many people being punished for simply having a dissenting opinion. I feel so much relief and am looking forward to owning a house if all goes well with the process and the inspections.

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      1. You are very welcome. I completely understand. It is only when we step away from the stress can we see its impact. I am glad you were able to do that. Buying a home and moving is also stressful, but exciting, too. 🤞🏻

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  5. I feel like not enough people talk about emotional intelligence because it’s honestly as important as IQ. So thanks for sharing this! Also, big congratulations on the job and all the best with the house!

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    1. Thanks so much Pooja! Fingers crossed all goes well with the process and the inspections! I love my new place of work!

      I feel what is written about Emotional Intelligence isn’t necessarily followed up on wit advice on how to navigate those difficult events with grace and being able to stay sane!

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  6. Your post is rich in wisdom and experience on so many levels Tamara, as always. Thank yo for sharing. Truthful sensitive souls can get greatly affected by political people in immediate enviornments. Thank you for modeling the ability to exercise choice in attitude & action – there is often a struggle within that, but it is so each time we go through an upgrade in how we choose & move for ourselves. Some fights are just not for us to put our energy in, and we can redirect our focus to get what we want elsewhere. I too gave myself to stay away from WP for full 1omonths and even now I am attempting to find my rhythm, allowing life to guide the flow. It is so good to have you here though.

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    1. I’m so happy to see you again! Yes, it’s so important to set a blogging schedule, or non-schedule if that’s all we’re able to do. I’m on a non-schedule now, it feels far less stressful!

      Thanks for your insight regarding sensitive souls. It seems like only the more hardened politically minded people do well in my old work environment, for the may have aspirations of their own and are willing to play the political games. I’m not built that way, and judging by the brain-drain of amazing people choosing to find employment elsewhere, I have a lot of company. I’m grateful for the good people I met there who made my time bearable and even enjoyable.

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      1. I liked how you say – blogging on non-schedule – that’s how I am too. And I love it that way in most places in life now. Far less stress I agree.

        Those are meaningful observations – some people have minds & aspirations that make them willing to play the games. And the other kind are recognizing and going elsewhere. Feels so good to know there’s company if we are willing to walk away if something doesn’t work for us.

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        1. I agree! We always have choices, and sometimes walking away from something is the best one for us, even if it takes a little while to put into action. Other times walking away is less obvious, like taking a step back from doing things that were once very enjoyable, but have become more overwhelming. I’m very happy to hear that you have given yourself permission to take things at a slower pace. While we want to help others, we cannot unless we take care of ourselves first.

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    1. Thanks so much Pennize! I love my new place of employment. It feel so different. Fingers crossed for the house process and the inspections!

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  8. It’s good to have you back 🙂 You did well in getting through your last two weeks on the job with professionalism and dignity. Congrats on the new job! I wish you well in adjusting to a new work environment and responsibilities. Success in buying your new home. So many changes within a short time period can create lots of stress that unfortunately affect our health.

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    1. Thanks so much Rosaliene! I appreciate your supportive words! It was a bit of a struggle at times to keep focused on walking the high road, there were temptations to just say “Bugger it!” I’m glad I did though. I did not return negative for negative, but I didn’t feel I meekly turned the other cheek. It was an act of will to choose how I exited, and this was the first time in my long work history that I’ve been in that situation. I saw my former boss being baited and taunted, but he kept his cool, never lost his temper and quit on the spot as they seemed to have tried to push him to do, but he left on his terms to a place where he is highly respected for his work. I love where I am, the difference is palpable, and I envision retiring from here down the road!

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        1. Very true! It is still very early, but this new one is a substantially larger place, so there is more of an abundance of key jobs. The other place was a very small goldfish bowl with opportunistic people competing for the very few key jobs, so I think that created the atmosphere. It was a feeding frenzy of the sharks!

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  9. Congratulations on surviving your old job and winning one that sounds far better. As I expect you know, the anger we sometimes feel at those who have done us harm can be reframed. Rather than thinking of the dark side of what they’ve done, legitimate as it may be, from another (more distanced) viewpoint, we can think of it as a favor. You were provoked enough to look for something else that turned out better. I am glad it worked out.

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    1. Thank you Dr. Stein for nailing what I chose to see and to act on. If they hadn’t done what they did, I wouldn’t be where I am now, and I’m much happier. I feel blessed to have come through the gauntlet successfully!

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  10. Congratulations on your job!!! So proud of you that you took this step and moved away from a job that wasn’t encouraging your growth. A lot has been happening in your life, so it is more than alright that you weren’t that active on the blog. Hope the house thing works out too!
    After almost 3 years of being so consistent with my blog, I finally gave myself a breather these last two months just because I was drowning in so many things that I didn’t have the energy to be here. But now that I feel better, I’m back to my blog and hopefully a blogging schedule. And I love the quote – just because I’m struggling doesn’t mean I am failing. I needed to hear that since I have been struggling and feeling like a failure. ❤

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    1. Yesss! I agree with you, we need to give ourselves permission to tackle life at a pace that makes sense to us! Forget about what others are doing! If we try to keep up that pace we may fall flat! Better to honor our own system! Thank you for the good wishes for my new job, it is indeed a blessing, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed with the house!

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  11. Wow, wow, wow, Tamara – there’s so much in this post. Congratulations on your new job and for keeping the house buying process going. Those are huge changes! I love the distinction you make between stuffing it down and rising above. Sounds like you did a beautiful job managing incredibly choppy waters – thank you for sharing how you did it. Sending my best wishes!

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    1. Thanks so much Wynne! Yes, there’s been a lot going on lately and I’m happy to have made ot into safe harbor.

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    1. Thanks Nicole! It’s been quite a journey, and I’m feeling much better today physically than a couple of days ago!

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  13. I’m so happy to hear you’re in a better place, both career-wise and in terms of mental stress. You make a great distinction between being the bigger person and suppressing emotions, and I think it really comes down to our intention… we can choose to rise above and feel about it, or put ourselves down for the gain of someone else. Cheers to you on the new job! I hope it’s a great fit and that you’re surrounded by kind people and meaningful work!

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    1. Thanks so much! I appreciate your support! Yes, it all comes down to choices we make about how we think, how we respond and how we process what we’re going through! I’m so happy to have this new job, I’ve wanted to work there for a long time and now it’s happened. 😁😊

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    1. Yes, absolutely! I selected memes from my library that I felt resonated with the message and with the tangle of emotions we feel when going through difficulties. How are things going for you?

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      1. You did well Tamara. And yes, still a bit messy over my way. I’ve changed the theme of the site so hopefully it settled things down. But from what is happening it isn’t me but the hosting server. I haven’t touched anything inside beyond answering comments etc and when links all stop working and many pages were not opening for anyone with errors everywhere it was a big factor. Anyway, I shall go with the flow, thank you 😀❤️🙏🏽

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        1. Good for you! Sometimes WP does changes and it messes things up for a while, then they seem to sort it out later.

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