We tend to think that our memory of a past event is correct, and we don’t often realize how we tend to edit past events to make ourselves look more favorable.
I’ve been seeing this lately with my 16 year old grand-twins, when they’re soooo frustrated with their younger 11 year old sister.
“You guys were actually worse than her,” we’d (my daughter and I) tell them.
“No way we were that bad! We don’t remember being that way!” they retort, every time.
“Yes, and there were TWO of you going through that phase at the same time!”
They seem to honestly not remember how they did exactly the same things, (and worse) than their sister is currently doing, and it sends them barking mad when she does.
Yeas ago I remember someone telling me that the things we find the most frustrating in others are actually a reflection of our inner selves. I remember disagreeing with the person at the time, because I was ABSOLUTELY sure that what I was complaining about in the other person couldn’t possibly be something I was guilty of myself. I was SURE of that!
Yet if we were to expand the idea a little and look at our past behavior as well as our present behavior, it may well be possible that we too were guilty of doing the same thing that annoys us in the other person.
To be sure, I’m not talking about abuse, addiction or other damaging behaviors, though in some situations that may well apply.
Often however the things that annoy us the most in people are the things we are guilty of doing but are unaware how we affect others, or it something we did in the past and now that we have done the inner work to overcome it, we get irritated when it pops up in other people.
Why? Well, we might just feel sooo done with that thing that we don’t want to see it anymore, in ourselves or others, because that holds a mirror up to us to check ourselves.
Sometimes we need to pause when we are irritated with someone and ask ourselves if it is something that we are or were guilty of doing.
Either way, a good dose of grace towards the other person and ourselves goes a lot further than just reacting in the moment and possibly adding to the layers of hurt already in place.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Merch: click on each to see available items
Blessings!
Thank you for sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara
I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts! Don’t forget to Like, Comment, and Follow my blog! If you want to become a Guest writer, please contact me and we’ll work out the details!
https://tamarakulish.com/ Archived Posts: https://tamarakulish.com/archived-posts/
My books: Now available through Walmart.com!
Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!
Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:
Removing Inner Blocks, Anger Journal, Guided Anxiety Journal Joy & Mindfulness Journal My Boundaries Journal My Inner Thoughts Journal
Thanks for buying my books on Amazon!
#writing #InspirationalWriting #art #creativity #strength #mentor #teacher #HappinessGuru #love #growth #healing #life, #inspiration, #quotes #happiness #joy #PersonalGrowth #pain #depression #anxiety #SelfEsteem, #LifeSkills #empowerment #encouragement #support #intuition #journal #consciousness #mind #learn #God #universe #angels #spiritual #spirit #awareness #journal #boundaries #emotionalhealth #mentalhealth #emotions
Discover more from Tamara Kulish
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Tamara Kulish 
Some good points there Tamara. We don’t always realize that we might be annoying someone with things that we do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right?! We are rarely that self-aware! We usually need some outside feedback in order to change anything!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really interesting post! I think we’re all guilty of changing certain memories to protect ourselves. Our brain automatically does that for us. And I love what you said at the end because it’s something that resonates with where I’m at in therapy. I’m someone who gets irritated by people really fast and therapy helped me realise that this stems from past unresolved trauma and not the actual situations.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, you’ve brought up an excellent point Pooja, we do revise our pasts, and we also bump up against it later in life, and sometimes it makes us feel uncomfortable at the least and quite anxious at the stronger end. Part of reconciling ourselves to all these aspects is to try to extend some grace to ourselves and to others, for we are all flawed, and many are living life through a lens of raw or unhealed pasts. Finding our inner peace takes a lot of inner work, but it is doable.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I couldn’t agree more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wise and insightful message, Tamara. Pausing and holding grace can maintain peace, with others and ourselves. 🕊️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I like how you phrase that. peace is a wonderful destination to experience. It has taken me years to experience peace for longer than a few fleeting moments, and I am enjoying and savoring the feeling so much! grace has definitely been my road to getting here!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Rich read. Thank you. 🕊️
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure Michele, hope your week is wonderful!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So kind. 🌻 Thank you, Tamara. Best to you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I tried to explain to my husband the sameness of him and our younger daughter is why they butt heads so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s always easier to see it in others, but so much more difficult to recognize it in ourselves, much less how to do something about it. I wish you the best in this situation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true, Tamara! Seeing the ugly side of me reflected back at me in others is tough to accept.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, that’s always difficult. We’re so good at fooling ourselves aren’t we? Awareness, while difficult, is a door to change… Blessings!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Blessings to you, too ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
*smile!* Hope you have a wonderful week!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love this perspective, Tamara. It reminds me of a Dr. Phil saying, “There’s something about that guy that bugs me about me.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right?! It is eye opening to see these things about ourselves!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You hit the nail on the head with this one Tamara! I too have been SURE many times in my life and now when I am ABSOLUTELY SURE I know it’s time to step back and look at myself. Truly a wake-up call at times.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, these are difficult things to face, but when we do, and set ourselves on a path to change, it ends up being a blessing doesn’t it? All in how we look at things!
LikeLiked by 1 person