We want to believe ALL the love songs and Romcoms that what we have is LOVE, but is it really? Have we romanticized infatuation so much that we believe it’s really love, and when the infatuation dwindles down where do we really stand?

It’s quite common for relationships to start with some infatuation, but not so often for love to really grow. Infatuation can be a very powerful, intoxicating feeling and many people think they’ve found love when they’re in the throes of it, so they jump into living together or getting married, only to find that the person wasn’t quite who they thought they were when they got into the day-to-day of life.

Valentine’s Day is typically a day when a lot of people get heavily into love-bombing, fooling themselves and the other person that their feelings are real. Real love on the other hand, takes time to develop, for it is only with time that people develop enough trust to allow the layers come away and become vulnerable to show their real selves.

Definition: Infatuation is an intense, short-lived attraction fueled by chemistry, fantasy, and desire rather than genuine emotional connection.

Brain Chemistry: High dopamine and adrenaline create thrill and craving; serotonin dips cause obsessive thinking; oxytocin rises later if attachment develops.

Duration: Typically lasts 6–18 months, sometimes up to 2 years before mellowing or transforming into love.

Key Signs: Constant preoccupation, idealizing your partner, needing reassurance, ignoring red flags, and emotional highs and lows.

12 Signs Of Infatuation That Indicate You’re Not In Love https://www.bonobology.com/signs-infatuation-not-love/

In a nutshell – What is infatuation, what is love?

Infatuation can be very selfish, in that it’s focus is almost solely on how we’re perceiving the other person makes us feel, vs. love, where our focus is on ourselves PLUS the other person. As the Dalai Lama puts it, Love is wanting others to be happy.

Here are some key points about INFATUATION vs. love that have been aggregated from AI and online writers:

INFATUATION	LOVE
Not being able to think about anything (or anyone) else. Infatuation is all about the present moment. You need your fix of that person right now. They’re all you can think about. You get anxious when they don’t respond to your messages right away. It’s all very intense.	Love, on the other hand, means you trust, and you can relax, knowing that a night or a week apart isn’t the end of the world. You don’t need their attention right this minute. You’re not entirely focused on the here and now, but looking forward to a future together.
Feelings that can change on a whim. If you’re simply infatuated with someone, that feeling can switch off from one day or one moment to the next. Something they do or say can suddenly kill the desire you feel for them.	Love can’t be broken that easily. Sure, there will always be issues to work through, but you’re committed to putting in the necessary effort, and your feelings can’t be turned off like a tap.
Reckless behavior that’s out of the ordinary. Infatuation can lead you to behave in ways that, in your right mind, would never even occur to you. You make reckless, spur of the moment decisions, and everything can seem like it’s make or break.	Love is calmer. It doesn’t decide things on a whim. It takes time to make decisions, and is willing to slowly work toward a solution.
Selfishness, rather than selflessness. When you’re infatuated with someone, although it might seem like you’re obsessed with them, it’s actually all about you. You want them to fulfil your needs and desires.	When you love someone, their needs are just as important as your own. You consider their feelings before you act.
A constant rollercoaster of emotions. Being infatuated with someone can be pretty thrilling. It’s a constant rollercoaster of emotions, and you never know when the highs and lows are coming. You can feel utterly blissful, and then, five minutes later, utterly empty.	Love, on the other hand, shouldn’t be about high and lows. Some people miss the thrill of infatuation when they’re in a stable relationship, but most of us learn to value the wonderful contentment and stability of true love.
A level of intensity that is unsustainable. Infatuation can hit you out of nowhere and become instantly all-consuming. It can last for a while, but it isn’t something you can sustain forever.	Love doesn’t have to last forever for it to be real. People can change. But if you grow together, you may find that you love each other more and more as the years go by.
Irrational jealousy. This won’t always be true, but generally, people who are experiencing infatuation will feel pangs of jealousy.	Love should be based on trust, meaning there shouldn’t be room for jealousy between two people who genuinely love one another.
Intense physical attraction, with not much else to bond over. Sometimes, you can’t quite explain why you fall for someone. But, generally, infatuation will start as a physical attraction, and may not develop beyond that.	Love, on the other hand, will involve some degree of physical attraction, but it’s the emotional and intellectual compatibility between you that will cause your bond to develop.
Feelings that weaken when you spend prolonged time apart. If you’re separated from the person you’re infatuated with, spending time apart and being a long distance from one another can mean those feelings weaken, or die out altogether. It can be extremely upsetting when you first say goodbye, but you gradually forget about it and your mind moves on to other things.	In contrast, if it’s real love, then absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Feelings won’t fade; they will strengthen and develop.
The relationship brings out the worst in one, or both, of you. Think back on times you’ve been infatuated in the past. Have you ever done something you’re not proud of? Did you read their text messages or emails? Did you abandon all your friends so you could spend all of your time with the person? Did you start neglecting your work?	Whereas infatuation can make you act in ways that go against your better judgment, if you’re in love, then that person brings out the best in you. You think they’re pretty wonderful and you want to be worthy of their love, and they give you the strength you need to be the best version of yourself.
Emotionally immaturity. This is a generalization, and one can become infatuated at any age, but the overpowering feelings we feel as teenagers don’t often develop into true love. We become obsessed with someone and they become the center of our world. If you become infatuated with someone in later life, it can feel like you’re right back in high school, not knowing what to do or say, and not being able to think about anything else.	But, as we get older, it’s more likely that, provided that they’re the right person, infatuation will develop into love, rather than burning out.

Finally…

If there’s someone special in your life right now and you’re trying to put your finger on exactly what it is you’re feeling for them, you’re sure to have recognized your relationship in some of the points above. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and don’t idealize what may not actually be there. Listen to your gut, and trust it. If you still can’t figure out what it is you’re feeling, then a little time apart from the object of your affection should tell you everything you need to know.

You can have a lot of fun when you’re infatuated with someone, and you can learn a lot about yourself… …but if that’s what you’re feeling, you shouldn’t get your hopes up too much about the relationship or make big plans for the future. Just enjoy it whilst it lasts.

You never know what might happen if you take things slowly. It could develop into a loving, healthy relationship, but it might not, for with time you may see traits that are deal breakers. It’s always best to protect yourself from potential heartbreak until you genuinely believe it might go somewhere by not jumping in very quickly.

Remember, you are worthy of taking the time and effort to develop yourself so that you can have healthy love! You are worthy of having healthy love in your life and not just filling in an empty space!

May the odds of finding love ever be in thy favor!

Here’s a few last thoughts:

• Is Love Enough to Help Someone Kick a Drug Habit?
• It’s all about LOVE! When judging hurts…
• Love is NOT all you need!
• Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.
• Love is wanting others to be happy – Dalai Lama
• Setting “Boundaries with consequences”
• The power of love is the strongest force in the universe.
• The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others.
• “What kind of love do I allow in my life?”

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
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Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
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