In the before times

In the before times when women couldn’t, erm, weren’t allowed to work at anything but a pink-collar low paying job, or allowed to vote, or have a credit card in only her name, or any of the many things preventing her autonomy and independence, men felt top of their game, because the world was their oyster. Women were expected to “know their place”, which was being property, and being treated as though they were incapable of an intelligent thought and to always defer to a man, because “they knew best” (even when they didn’t). Even a man’s dog and car was prized above women, who were treated as third class citizens. Many women survived emotionally by quietly drinking or later taking Valium “Mother’s little helper” a powerful and addictive drug.

Then women fought and won rights to live autonomously and independently, rather than continue to live such an unsatisfactory existence.

Men still demanded that women fulfill all their wifey roles of cooking, cleaning and raising the kids, providing sex when he wanted it, as well as doing all the mental labor of remembering his parents birthdays and wedding anniversaries and the many things men didn’t want to keep track of. Men told women that in order to keep being “allowed” to work, that they needed to be super woman, that she had to juggle it all.

So women did exactly that. They took everything on their shoulders to be allowed to have some independence, to have a voice of her own.

Then a transition, a major shift happened.

Women became capable. They no longer had to hide their intelligence lest it upset a man, they no longer had to be completely helpless to allow a man to feel manly that he could hammer a nail into the wall, and they found their voice to express themselves instead of deferring to their husband’s world opinion.

With this change, many women also realized they had been taking on the role of a single mom while being married to a man who didn’t know how to emotionally or physically regulate himself and they realized they no longer HAD to stay in abusive relationships. So many left abusive marriages, and the men felt blind-sided, “I never saw this coming” many said, completely oblivious to how their anger or indifference had damaged the relationship that may never have been healthy in the first place.

Women created support groups to help each other to learn the new life skills they needed and to grow as a person. Women helped each other to heal from past trauma and abuse.

Some women worked to teach their sons how to become men who knew how to take care of themselves and gave them space to practice expressing their emotions in a healthy way.

Men got let behind, but there’s hope and help happenng

Many men got left behind. Without women nurturing them they just didn’t know how to adapt in this changing world. Some men were open to learning from their wives and girlfriends.

Many resisted all change, all growth, and instead banded together in online or in-person support groups where their anger and frustration over this changed landscape was vented. They resisted change so much that they decided that the ONLY way for their lives to get better wasn’t for them to change, but instead it was primordially imperative that things go back to how they were before women gained liberation. Oof!

Change is hard. We women know this.

We went through the mental, emotional, physical and financial struggles of changing from being forced dependents to becoming autonomous people, capable of creating our own lives. We were always considered to be the weaker sex, but we are finding not only our strengths, but our peace of mind too.

Men are at a place in time where change is being required of them, for women are choosing to live alone rather than being with a man who demands she be his maid, cook, equal bread-winner and sex-toy. Women are choosing to be alone, happy to create fulfilling lives, and are only interested in a man if he can add to the peace of mind she has built for herself, instead of him creating an emotionally charged life where her nervous system is always on high alert.

Men are lonely. Men are angry that so much change has happened, and they feel left behind. They feel that women have rejected them, and in truth, women don’t want transactional relationships, they want a real partner in life.

Does this raise a lot of questions in your mind what that is? The videos below by male content creators may answer your questions. Thankfully, there are now many more men making videos to help other men learn how to change, how to grow, to become the type of partners women will want to choose.

The loneliness epidemic doesn’t need to be permanent. It is simply a time of transition.

If you’re feeling this in your gut, and if you’re open to learning, here are some videos created by men for men. If you know some men who are struggling with all the changing landscapes of relationships, please feel free to share these with them.

• Nick Matiash
• Adam Cam
• Jimmy on relationships
• Brandon Clear Minds
• Men Manifesto
• Matthew Martorana
• Sony Max
• Disciplined Dad

Links for growth and healing:

• Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
• Changing Lin
• Jeff Moore
• Malika tv
• Coach Ryan
• Sam Demma

Here’s a man who explains women, to men:

• Eros

And these are men who create healing content for women:

• Dean Blankfield
• Big Dreams
• Matthew Coast
• Scott D Clary
• Los Acie
• Narcissis coach
• Dobetterjonathan

If you know of other male content creators I may have missed and who are helpful, please let me know so I can add them to one of these lists. I’m highlighting the male creators, because these are men who are leading other men, and who are also intent on helping women. Also, if you’ve come across women creating helpful and healing content for men, I’d like to hear about them, as most women creators seem to focus on healing for women; nothing wrong with that, but this post is about men having been left behind and creating a space for the men who want to learn and to grow and to move beyond the male loneliness crisis and into a much more whole and loving life.

• You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that.
• Changing our thoughts and habits Part 1: how does it physically work in the brain?
• Changing our thoughts and habits Part 2: how does it physically work in our body?
• You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.
• Change how you see and see how you change.
• The wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
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