Character and integrity used to be much more highly valued. A person’s word used to seal a deal. Honor was prized.
No matter what a person’s religious or cultural beliefs, we used to be able to count on being able to trust a person and their word.
We have moved into a new world, where opportunism has spawned a whole legion of people who are willing to throw a friend or neighbor under the bus for the sake of their own gain.
Has Integrity and Good Character died? Are they no longer important?
I’m a believer that there are still many people who value integrity and good character, but we’ve been led to believe that the “everyone is doing it” syndrome has led us to think that integrity, honor and character don’t matter anymore.
Unfortunately, when people think “everyone is doing it”, they tend to let go of their inner moral compass and allow themselves to slide into behavior that wouldn’t have before.
What if we could in fact see examples of when people show integrity? What if we started noticing the people who still live by those values? Would that help us to regain our moral compass?
In 11 Phrases People Use When They Have True Integrity by Marielisa Reyes, she touch es on the following points that show integrity. I have to add that it isn’t just the list of phrases below that show integrity, it is if our followup actions actually support it.
- ‘I’m sorry, I made a mistake’
- ‘I know I’m not perfect but I’m willing to learn’
- ‘I messed up’
- ‘I can’t support that’
- ‘What do you think?’
- ‘Honesty is the best policy’
- ‘I’m going to make things right’
- ‘I refuse to compromise my values’
- ‘I need to face the consequences of my actions’
- ‘Let’s keep things respectful’
- ‘I need to do the right thing’
Yes, it can be difficult to admit we’ve made a mistake. It’s embarrassing to show a less than perfect side. We think if we don’t own up to our mistakes that others won’t notice and we can just move on, but the reality is, others see we’ve messed up and when we don’t admit and take ownership, they lose trust in us. They see us and we may think they don’t, but our lack of taking responsibility and apologizing really doesn’t sit well with people.
We aren’t trying to learn to be perfect, just to become better. When we admit we’re not perfect, to others and to ourselves, and we express a willingness to learn, a willingness to get better, our expressed intentions also need to be backed up with actions.
We need to back up our words with actions, otherwise they’re just empty words. Some people learn the verbal cues to say, that can give the impression that they are sincere, that they are sorry, that they are remorseful, but if the words aren’t backed up with honest efforts to really improve, then they’re just nice words.
Who we choose to be when it seems like everyone everywhere is getting away with atrocious behavior determines our character. Do we choose to be honest, to do the right thing, to be there for others, or are we going to just “look out for numero uno”?
Choosing to live an honest life without cheating, lying, ripping people off; not taking advantage of others; and instead being kind, well, that can make us feel left behind. When we compare ourselves to others, it’s easy to think “the nice guy always finishes last”, and in today’s world that is seen as the worst thing to befall a person.
There’s a perception that unless we’re out there doing whatever it takes to get all we can, stabbing people in the back along the way, that we’re weak, that we lack the cutthroat attitude to get ahead.
In a purely materialistic sense, it may seem stupid to not do what everyone else is doing, but the cost of gaining advantages in life at the expense of others is our own loss of our inner moral compass.
It may seem simple or stupid to some people for choosing to live life with integrity, but in the end, we need to live with ourselves don’t we?
More thoughts:
- Green flagged – people who are considered good people have these traits
- It’s all about LOVE! When judging hurts…
- Love is NOT all you need!
- Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.
- Setting “Boundaries with consequences”
- Let your past make you better not bitter.
- Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
- Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.
- You’re not selfish for wanting the same energy and love you give.
- You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.
- Do small things with great love.
- Build someone up. Remind them they’re worthy.
- Never wish them pain. Wish them healing. That’s what they need.
- When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.
- We need a Compass… Or more specifically, a Moral Compass!
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Blessings!
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Tamara
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Tamara Kulish 
This was such a thoughtful and powerful read, Tamara. It’s so true that integrity might seem rare these days, but I believe there are still plenty of people who value honesty and doing the right thing. It really comes down to our own choices, staying true to our moral compass, even when it feels like the world is heading in the opposite direction.
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I love your take Ritish, those are my thoughts too. Yes, there are still people who strive to live in such a fashion, and we need to remember that so we don’t get overwhelmed with all we’re seeing online and in the news. Thanks so much for your feedback!
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Integrity is so incredibly important. We need to surround ourselves with people that are willing to accept their wrongs and stand up for their morals and ethics.
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I agree. It’s who we surround ourselves with that matters. We get to choose!
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Thank you for this post which says so much for me. I read far too many ‘should’ and ‘ought to’ words minus any action. “Be Kind” but they aren’t. Your paragraph on action is so important and relevant:
“We need to back up our words with actions, otherwise they’re just empty words. Some people learn the verbal cues to say, that can give the impression that they are sincere, that they are sorry, that they are remorseful, but if the words aren’t backed up with honest efforts to really improve, then they’re just nice words.”
👌👏 Well said Tamara.
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Thanks Margaret! Yes, we get sucked in by words that make us feel good, and we forget to look for actions that back up the words, so important! I’m glad that this post resonated with you.
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Having integrity and good character are greater rewards than anything gained by not having them. It may take longer and be less obvious, but the “good guys” are the true winners. It would be a welcome change if these traits were the norm among those in positions to affect change, yes. Thanks for the article, Tamara.
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Thanks Michele! Yes, I agree, I wish those traits were far more prevalent than they are. Unfortunately, even among those who profess to value integrity, often they’re wolves in sheep’s clothing.
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Yikes. I didn’t know living with integrity was falling out of fashion. Fortunately, that doesn’t seem to be an issue I’ve seen within my circle. The larger world is a different matter, it seems.
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It’s nice to hear that you are in a circle of integrity, that’s good news indeed! I try to surround myself with like-minded people too, but I see people around the fringes who seem looser with their moral compass and willing to sacrifice someone else for their personal gain. Sadly.
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I’m fortunate to be in a good circle of peeps. 🙂
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That’s truly a blessing! 🥰🤩
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Indeed. I don’t take it for granted.
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Nope, don’t take it for granted, it’s precious!
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❤
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The environment in which we live, where might is right and the winner seizes all, punishes those with integrity.
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Exactly! Kindness and empathy are now seen as weakness. If that’s so, I prefer to be “weak”!
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Good points Mark, it is those very things that help us to develop our character or lack of it. We always have the choice. Even when we’ve made a string of poor choices, we can still get back on track.
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Love these signs that someone has integrity! And “We aren’t trying to learn to be perfect, just to become better. ” Right! Here’s to being better. Thanks, Tamara!
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Yesss! That’s all we can do, realistically! I love those signs too!
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There are many who live with integrity, Tamara, as you say. Unfortunately, conscience is easily rationalized. Living with yourself is easier than conventionally believed. We rationalize, we look the other way etc. Humanity is a fragile group. Under pressure, the world can change. The Stoics recognized that a test was required to know thyself. Thanks for an important post.
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Thanks Dr. Stein for your perspective. So true, it’s too easy to rationalize why we don’t need to do the right thing, which is harder than just appearing to blend in with the flow of the crowd.
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A common theme is our environment…being treated in such a way that angers us is the main one. And that is a common thread on government with decisions that keep us ‘down’ because of their unfairness followed by big business and the greed associated with their actions. After many years of that our ‘trust’ goes out the door in such a way that we are ever on-guard for it, putting us in a place where we struggle from ‘life stress’ to find our integrity because of that constant ‘testing’ from that environment. Let alone relationships etc.
But…aren’t those hard places the making of that empathy, integrity and compassion. Seems to be a double entende to create that very thing 🤗❤️🙏
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Good points Mark, it is those very things that help us to develop our character or lack of it. We always have the choice. Even when we’ve made a string of poor choices, we can still get back on track.
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