The meme above (text below) really struck me since it was a phrase I heard a lot growing up and as an adult, often heard spoken by Boomers and the Silent Generation, in an attempt to tell people to “suck it up”, that whatever one goes through, the fact that we’re still alive to tell the tale is enough.

If someone felt broken by what they went through and possibly suffering depression or even PTSD from it, the idea was to shove the pain somewhere, slap on a smile and just be happy to have survived. There wasn’t any talk of healing and the growth usually referred to building walls to prevent it from happening again.

My dad and I once had a disagreement over him using the adage “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I said, “That’s just not true. Sometimes what doesn’t kill you leaves you brittle and injure or traumatized.” He stopped and thought about that for a while. He came back later and said, It’s like wood glue.” He pointed to my bookshelf which he helped me salvage a while ago. He said, “Do you remember how I explained that once we used to wood glue on them, the shelves would actually be stronger than before they broke?” I did. “But before we used the wood glue, those shelves were broken. They couldn’t hold up shit. If you had put books on them, they would have collapsed. And that wood glue had to set a while. If we put anything on them too early, they would have collapsed just the same as if we had never fixed them at all. You have to give these things time to set.” It did sound like a pretty good metaphor to me, but one thing I did pick up on was that whatever broke those shelves, that’s not the thing that made them stronger. That just broke them. It was being fixed that made them stronger. It was the glue. So my dad and I agreed, what doesn’t kill you doesn’t actually make you stronger, but healing doe. And if you feel like healing hasn’t made you stronger than you were before, you’re probably not done healing. you’ve got to give things time to set.

by luulapants

My own healing came from things and experiences that were completely different from what had damaged and broken me.

It was a long process, coming from many different places and over a period of time. I learned that when we make the decision to heal and to grow, that God and the universe sends us the teachers we need, taking many forms.

From a book we’re recommended, to being in the right space and time to hear someone speak – whether in person or online, to an experience that helps shape us anew and to reform thoughts.

Healing doesn’t come about through only one person or one book, rather it is a process. It’s both an unlearning and a learning process, and because we’ve lived with our old sets of thoughts for a very long time, it will take years, sometimes the rest of our lives to keep learning and to keep growing.

Long after I wrote my 2 books I’ve continued to learn and to grow. I’m not looking to finally “graduate” for there is so much yet to learn and to experience. The universe is interesting, for this path keeps revealing new things to learn, and then we’re given the time and space to put them into practice, not just so we can see how far we’ve come, but also to just be able to live life in peace and harmony with ourselves and the others around us.

Your own growth will bring you in new directions.

One of my mother’s boyfriends gave me the book “Jonathan Livingston Seagull”  by Richard Bach, telling me he thought I’d get a lot out of it. I certainly saw what appeared to be a blueprint for life in that simple book and from the age of 15 I started reading some very inspirational books which pointed me in the direction I wished to go in my life. That simple book held profound ideas which set my mind and heart to yearning to learn more about the truth behind the truth, to learn about the secrets of life and to grow.

“How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level” was first started when the publisher of my illustrated children’s book suggested I write down some of my philosophical thoughts and put them into a book. At the time I considered myself an illustrator and artist, not a writer, so at first I was writing down my ideas in the teeniest, tiniest notebooks I could find. When I had filled up a few I figured I’d need to start typing up what I had into a Word document. I didn’t realize all the life lessons I had learned on my life’s journey until I started writing and saw for myself what my publisher had heard in me when I spoke!

By re-framing our thoughts we help ourselves to set into motion the ability to succeed!

I had learned some new thoughts and those helped change the direction of my life. Our thoughts do create our world, and Quantum Physics has been proving this. I’ve written about it in Choosing Our Thoughts, Manifesting our Thoughts,  Raising our Level of Consciousness, and Fulfilling the Human Condition.

The thoughts we choose in order to view our lives and the challenges which come up will either deplete us of our motivation or they will give us the strength to persevere and to continue working towards our goals, to find alternate solutions when setbacks occur and to feel better about ourselves while we go through the journey.

A well-known motivational speaker, Mike Dooley of TUT.com teaches us to “Flip the script”, some call it “reframing”. Whatever we choose to call it, it’s possible to change our inner thought patterns. It takes conscious effort, and trust me when I say I understand the work! As someone who was severely criticized when I was a kid and later internalized the negative words, I worked very hard on myself to change my thought process. I wrote about it in Are you consciously opting out of the “Loser Myth”?

Our society has trained us to see problems as difficulties to be avoided, or even worse, as punishment for sinful or unworthy behavior! It’s no wonder that we judge ourselves and those around us harshly when problems come into our lives!

We’re simply not trained to see life as our schoolroom for building up our characters and lives, instead of something that punishes us or tears us down!

When I started the process of changing my thought patterns and to go from seeing things negatively, that the universe was out to get me or out to punish me, and choose instead to reflect that the universe (and God) always had my back, I found that I felt happier, less depressed and perpetually tired and sick! When I looked back on my life, I could indeed see that the universe always found ways to reward and help me, even through the difficult times; I was then able to separate people’s mistaken beliefs about the world and me, from how the universe treated me!

Louise Hay, another very inspirational person teaches us the power of positive affirmations. She says “Negative feelings are just thoughts, and thoughts can be changed! Feelings are just thoughts in motion in the body! Thoughts can be changed!

Acknowledge any fear thoughts and thank them for trying to protect you! Lovingly and happily affirm you have everything you need and that all is going well!”

Louise Hay

Flipping the scrip to focus on things in a positive way entails focusing on the solutions to the problems instead of the problems.

Who we listen to and associate with has a tremendous impact on us! This is how we prepare ourselves for success! By learning from people who have overcome life’s hurdles and who have learned to see solutions, we equip ourselves to handle what comes along.

When we surround ourselves with negative people, isn’t it easy to commiserate and slip into negative thought and talk patterns? By continuously allowing the negative to affect us in many subtle or not so subtle ways, we become depressed and feel defeated, unable to handle what life will sometimes hand us.

If we choose to surround ourselves with positive people, positive role models and read or listen to positive teachers, we build up within ourselves a toolkit for handling life’s issues, are then able to see solutions which were invisible to us when we were in the negative mindset!

Remember what Maya Angelou said?
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better!”

Maya Angelou

Over the years I’ve had many teachers, have found inspiration and solace in various written words, some as simple as an inspirational quote which had the power to become a lifeline for my spirit.

Quotes have held a lot of power for me, because in a sentence or two, I can learn a whole new life lesson, short enough to remember, yet deep enough to change my life and help me grow.

Sometimes the deepest lessons in life come from the simplest of sources!

This is your journey; I hope you will open your heart to learning and to growing in ways you had never imagined before!

• Challenge: When a negative thought enters your mind, think three positive ones. Train yourself to flip the script!
• Why we’re so attracted to people who end up abusing us
• Is depression a lack of faith? What happens when it is treated as such?
• Let your past make you better not bitter.
• Awakening is not changing who you are, but discarding who you are not.
• The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.
• The power of words
• Time to Change the Negative Tapes!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

My books: Now available through Walmart.com!

Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!

Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:

Removing Inner Blocks ||  Anger Journal || Guided Anxiety Journal  ||  Joy & Mindfulness Journal   ||  My Boundaries Journal  || My Inner Thoughts Journal   

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