I spent most of my life seeking answers… to life, to my job and career path, how to live and how to love.
What did I expect would happen when I found the answers I was looking for? Did I think I would live in a state of constant enlightenment?
I was rather surprised to find out that once I had learned what I craved to learn, then wrote about it and got it published that my feelings of worry and anxiety had quietly slipped away and instead what had replaced all that worry and anxiety was a sense of openness and self confidence.
Openness to what life and the Universe would bring me next.
I find it interesting sometimes to look upon myself with a sense of detachment, almost like looking at someone else, and when I do, I see within myself a new feeling of calm.
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In previous years when I was in a couple of churches, I didn’t feel this before… perhaps in part because I was being judged harshly… but also perhaps because I had not yet completed this step of my life.
Though I haven’t yet reached the point of fame, I’m living in a time of contentment and gratitude… not because I have an abundance of money or possessions, but because I’ve passed the time of desperately seeking, and have also birthed a couple of difficult books How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level and Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It, which helped me to crystalize the deep lessons I sought to learn.
I’ve been doing some thinking about all this, and I realized the turning point came gradually… It wasn’t a sudden change in my way of thinking, but a slow and gradual process.
Once I started to look back and try to remember what I hoped to feel, I was struck that I’m not quite feeling what I thought I would be, and so that became the basis of this post.
This realization came to me one day very clearly.
I’m still going through all the normal ups and downs we go through in life, but my whole perspective is different now.
Part of that may have come about by living through the experience of helping my daughter with the kids when the baby went through her second battle with cancer and having my marriage fall apart while I held a sick baby in my arms in the hospital. Those kinds of things change us on a deep soul level.
I don’t believe that it’s necessary for many of us to go sit at the feet of an awesome Guru, but instead, to allow ourselves to be transformed by life’s challenges and trials.
To emerge on the other side a deeper and more balanced person is difficult, especially when the emotional pain can rub us raw, but it’s definitely possible and do-able!
I didn’t realize in what ways I would change, but now that I’m living on the other side of the tunnel, life strangely isn’t very different, but my levels of worry and anxiety have greatly diminished.
Interestingly, I needed to remind myself of the lessons I had learned, and to put them into practice. In the beginning, it was more difficult but as time went on, I needed to give myself less and less of a powerful kick in the butt.
I’m grateful to be living in this state of mind right now, and will be taking careful care of it, to nurture this peace and calm. I know how bad the other side can get, so my advice to myself and to others is to choose to let the past go.
I don’t fear slipping back into it, for fear creates that state of mind. If I do fall back into it, I know I have the tools now to talk my mind out of it.
I’ve learned I have worth and value, that I have a place here, and that I have things to accomplish… as do we all actually!
This has led me to feel comfortable in my own skin and confident of myself. I don’t project anxiety or uncertainty with people I meet and interact with, which has also resulted in removing people from my life who seek to manipulate or control me!
I think my confidence and assurance helps me to see my worth, which weirdly helps me to see through the manipulative ploys people try.
Previously I lacked confidence and sought approval from people, so I was a perfect target for the controllers and the manipulators, as I went along with their schemes in order to please them. I needed their approval because I wasn’t able to give it to myself and so they withheld it to keep me in their orbit and to keep me trying to win it!
By doing this inner work we not only feel better about ourselves but we also remove ourselves from harmful people!
This is a wonderful goal to set for ourselves and is doable over time!
A few more thoughts to help you:
- 10 Steps to Owning Our Happiness
- Red Ocean or Blue Ocean? How do you think?
- If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading!
- Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.
- Brain Rewiring
- Habit Power: We are what we repeat
- Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.
- Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.
- Your soul is the place within you that is timeless, ageless, and eternal: it is the ultimate core and essence of who you truly are.
- Remind yourself that you cannot fail at being yourself.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:
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