by Tamara Kulish from https://www.tamarakulish.com/

Learning not to react to everything is a huge key part to growing and lowering your stress.

Learning not to react to everything is a huge key part to growing and lowering your stress. If you let every single thing work you up, you are just hurting your own mind, body and spirit.

@TheMindfulWalk

This was a huge lesson for me to learn. When I finally internalized that another person’s mood didn’t automatically necessitate me losing my peace of mind, or their self created drama didn’t automatically become my emergency, I was able to give myself permission to take a step back.

In my childhood, being constantly vigilant for my mother’s change of mood into volatile anger was a survival skill I soon learned a few beatings in. Unfortunately, as so many of us who came from trauma, we had a very hard time letting go of that survival instinct once we were out of that situation. Everything and anything could trigger our abuser’s anger and rage, so learning to differentiate between a real emergency, a situation that needs to be resolved immediately and just the whim of someone was a skill we had to learn later in life.

Learning to live instead of just surviving takes learning a bunch of new skills and a lot of practice to really internalize them and have them become our new go-to’s.

It took a lot of self-talk to help myself through those steps, and in the process, I practiced suspending judgment of myself the way I had been criticized and judged, plus learning to become my own pep cheerleading squad. I know, I know, one sentence to describe weeks, months or even years of hard inner work barely seems to do it justice, but when we boil it down to the truth of the whole thing, this is the task.

As I was working through my healing from my past traumas by following those steps, I was very happy to see that I no longer felt responsible to try to solve every problem around me, lest it blow up and affect my life terribly.

I was able to see the fears that were compelling me, and to then slowly release them. I was learning what healthy boundaries were, for the first time, and I no longer felt driven to stay a part of anyone’s drama, I was able to step back and them resolve it for themself. Yes, I could offer them support if that’s what I wanted, but I no longer felt I had to be in the thick of things.

Stepping back was very powerful. It allowed me space to think and to process my own emotions without feeling I was responsible for the other person’s. This was quite eye-opening for me.

I hope you will reach a space where you can step back from the drama, not get all caught up in it, and still be able to offer support and guidance.

It’s a much healthier and less stressful place to be!

Created by @TheMindfulWalk

Here’s some guidance for your next steps:

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
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17 thoughts on “Learning not to react to everything is a huge key part to growing and lowering your stress.”

  1. Never thought of being on constant alert as a survival skill that just sticks around way after you don’t need it, but it makes total sense. Easier said than done for sure, but good reminder. Thanks for being so open about it 🤍

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    1. I’m glad you can relate! Yes, moving from one space in life to another is hard and challenging but ultimately it’s worth it. It’s where we’re supposed to be and not where life stuck us.

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  6. My heart breaks for what you went through as a child. Gosh, as a mother myself, I can’t even fathom having that messed up mindset to hurt those you’re in charge of protecting. It hurts to even think about that existence for young you.

    How this masterful quote resonates for me right now is when my husband is talking about issues at work. I get so up in arms about it, and it’s not even my job! I need to let go and step back in that regard. 😛

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I had to accept years ago that I wouldn’t have the mother daughter relationship that every child needs. It was difficult letting go of that expectation but once I accepted it I was able to nurture myself and pass on the nurturing to my daughter and grandchildren. They have given me infinitely more than she did and they tell me that I do the same for them.

      I know you love your husband, that’s why you feel so much when he struggles. Most women do, we’re very empathetic. There’s a line between taking on all his emotions and being sympathetic. It’s a tough boundary to learn to navigate.

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      1. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been able to turn bad into good with your own daughter and grandchildren. Yes, with Hubby. Mostly I get more irritated than he does. 😛

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  7. It takes a while indeed, learning to become our own best friend, and learning to let go of our old coping strategies we developed when we were small and had no other option. It’s hard work, learning not to react to everything, but it is so much better for our nervous system and allows us to find inner peace. Thanks for sharing, Tamara! Have a wonderful weekend.

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    1. Thanks Christiane! You’re so right, all the steps are quite difficult to adopt and to adapt to… but it’s worth it. The perseverance is worth it. Even when we’re falling down and not doing it all, we’re still building some new neural pathways and with time they get stronger and stronger. It just takes perseverance, and as you know, the results to the nervous system are well worth it.

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