The other day when I left work I started to feel blue.

Had it been a scant few years ago, I would have quickly spiraled. I would have fallen seamlessly into the emotion, not questioning when my brain sought to find blame for how I was feeling,  just automatically assuming that I was at fault for something. I would have searched for what I had failed at, for I had long ago internalized the criticisms I had received, as well as the blame that was shifted on me. Even when I had nothing to do with something, I would still have been blamed for it and then would have received hours of criticism.

This time I didn’t slip into that quicksand… it’s actually been a few years since I have.

Instead, I became aware of my thoughts. I felt the blue feelings for few breaths, and then my mind said, “I’m feeling sad. I’m feeling blue. What’s going on?” I did a quick check of my body and realized I’m feeling tired. I also realized that the tired feeling went beyond the physical. I realized I’m tired of the short winter days, where the sun sets soon after leaving work. I have SAD syndrome (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and the lack of enough sunlight physically affects me, and makes me feel depressed. I brought this up with a colleague the next day and she agreed, she’s been struggling with feeling emotionally and physically tired this winter.

This led into a whole discussion about the Epstein files and how we feel exceedingly doubtful that any of the perpetrators of the heinous acts will ever be charged or do any time. The DOJ (Department of Justice) has had the files for a long while, going back years, and unfortunately, we haven’t seen people being charged for their crimes. Speaking for myself, it feels emotionally very heavy to hear that the perpetrators are from all the well-known people in our society: political leaders of both sides, CEOs, celebrities and socialites.

People we have admired and looked up to have apparently done awful things. They’ve crossed taboo lines. Whether they were manipulated into doing some of those acts isn’t the point. They still chose to go along with it, for what? To be in with the “in” crowd? To be awarded jobs or contracts because they were now among the “elite”? Whatever their reasoning, they committed terrible, terrible things, and none have come forward to admit wrong-doing or to show any kind of remorse.

It looks as though they’re all hiding behind one another, and some key players are going out of their way to keep them hidden. Not to name names, but one high level person recently said that if all the people who had done those criminal acts were to be prosecuted, then the very fabric of our society would crumble. Really? There aren’t colleagues or underlings who could step in to keep things running? Why do we need to protect such a vast number of people?

I always had a strong sense of justice. I saw that hidden secrets were often laid bare and people were prosecuted for their wrong doings. No, the justice system has never been completely fair or impartial, but it had a semblance of locking up the bad guys and gals. That assurance I once felt is now gone.

The heaviness and the deep sadness mark my realization that we might never see any of the rich and famous who committed those crimes be punished. It looks as though we’ll see loads of videos of everyone and their uncle giving their opinions about the Epstein files. The media will keep us inundated with receiving tiny smidges of information, but all it’s doing is making us fatigued and overloaded. If we were seeing some arrests and prosecutions, then maybe we’d have a sense of hope that justice will be done for the victims, but it looks as though all the perpetrators are holding their breaths and waiting for this to just slide away.

Our discussion then led to our personal solutions, for simply allowing ourselves to lose hope in the justice system and to keep feeling this heaviness of the awfulness of the crimes isn’t good for our mental or physical health. We agreed on a few things.

• We need to limit our consumption of these stories and articles
• We need to focus on our own mental and physical health
• We need to focus on our friends and families.

This may be a time to be more selfish, or rather self-preservationist, for getting caught up in all the swirling winds that are currently blowing may lead to losing hope or one’s grasp on what is sane, right and true. This is a time to dig deeper into self-care – eat nutritiously, get plenty of good sleep, go to the gym, be creative, spend time with friends and family.

This seems to be a time to choose who we are and who we will be. Will we abandon following rules and join forces with those who seem to be getting away with well, everything? Or do we choose to reinforce our moral compass so that we don’t become morally bankrupt?

People have always had to make these choices, and some chose to forsake their morals instead choosing to move up the ladder in life, stepping on people on their way up. Other people choose to stand by their consciences instead of casting them to the winds. Each of us said we choose to stand by our morals.

I’ve had a few opportunities to walk away from my morals, and I chose not to each time. I was promised incredible things, but it meant I’d have to turn my back on my morals. I don’t regret the choices I’ve made, for I can look myself in the eyes in the mirror without flinching.

How about you? How are you doing through all this?

• How DOES anger affect our health?
• A healthy outside starts from the inside!
• Health benefits of massage and acupuncture when doing emotional healing work
• Honor the temple that houses you!
• Overcoming the Impossible! Here’s a few steps to make it happen!
• Be the flawed, QUIRKY, unique, beautiful and MAGICAL person that you are!
• Be the one who lights the darkness for others… with a good deed or kind word!
• By being yourself you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before!
• Green flagged – people who are considered good people have these traits
• No matter how long you’ve traveled in the wrong direction, you can always turn around
• What is the color of your soul?
• We need a Compass… Or more specifically, a Moral Compass!
• Relationship affirming behaviors
• Do small things with great love.
• Integrity… is it lost? Some signs that someone has integrity
• Mindfulness Resources

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
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