Years ago, I stopped setting annual resolutions, they were too heavy to live up to and were often too large and all-encompassing to live up to. I found that my mental health did better once I removed the triggers for feeling like a failure were reduced by not setting myself up.

My next step instead of resolutions was to do an end of the year assessment to see what I was proud of doing in the past year, then extrapolated from those to find my new directions. I took time to write it up, the way one does for their annual assessment at work. I felt better about that than the annual plan/fail rituals, but my life still felt like it was part of the capitalistic cycle of needing to perform and be productive.

After a few years of following that course, I no longer wished to feel like my existence needed to be justified. I no longer wanted to feel I had to show to myself and to others publicly, to proclaim who I wish to be.

Now I no longer set annual goals for I found them to be too stressful and not the best for my mental health. Instead, I shifted from goal or resolution setting to becoming more mindful of my time and energy, choosing to follow what I find interesting and what brings me joy.

For the past few years, I have chosen to quietly become the person I want to be and to quietly do the things I want to do. I don’t even tell people I’m going to accomplish something I am about to start, instead I let people know when it’s done.

For example, I signed up for an art therapy practitioner certification in the early part of 2025, and only let family and friends know when I had completed it.

I wasn’t trying to keep secrets, I wanted to be accountable to myself, but in case something came up that prevented me from completing it, I didn’t want to lose face in front of people; unfortunately, I had experienced that a number of times before and I didn’t want to repeat that.

My goals in life now are to live life each day the best possible way I can, understanding and honoring that there will be days I can do more and days I can do less.

Instead of setting goals which can feel weighty and onerous to implement and to maintain, I choose to simply start a new habit by quietly switching one behavior for another.

I’ve been taking Ukrainian language classes for a couple of years, the focus is on grammar and structure,  which my brain struggles to absorb. This is a highly complex language with not only masculine and feminine nouns, but 7 cases which don’t exist in English but do in Latin.

To help myself, I switched my preferences on Netflix, finding a list of Ukrainian dubbed movies and series, and adding them to my list. I added English subtitles, and now I can watch guilt-free, as I’m tuning my ear to the language and learning new words.

I used to feel guilty about not having money in the car to hand out to people begging at red lights. It was difficult to remember to get cash from the atm and then to go to a store to break it down into smaller bills, I often spent money on stuff I didn’t need. Still, I wanted to help them, to make a difference, even a little.

When I heard that unhoused people need new, clean socks, something clicked. I went to the store and bought a couple packages of good quality socks. I rolled them up and put 2 in a quart zip lock bag along with a couple packets of EmergenC. I put all those baggies in a tote bag and put it on the front  passenger floor.

When I see a person begging for money, I  now have something to hand out. It’s a little thing, but a practical thing. I’ve heard of others putting together small care baggies of other items and handing them out. Some people are also putting some money in those baggies.

Not being an annual goal setter doesn’t equal living a life without any goals or doing anything productive. We get to choose who we want to be, each and every day, every hour, every minute.

This doesn’t mean that we need to be self-monitoring all the time, that would be exhausting. To me it means that I get to choose who I want to be, and when opportunities come up, I can quietly go about incorporating them into my life.

Starting new habits quietly is much better for the nervous system I’ve found, and if necessary, we can give ourselves the grace to keep restarting it if necessary.

I give you permission to quietly choose who you want to be, and then to slowly become that person.

I do this, not because I hold any power or imagine I have control over you, but something a little simpler: sometimes we wait until we feel it’s okay to do something. Sometimes we do need to feel we have permission before we can live our lives fully.

If you feel you need to set resolutions for yourself, choose only one thing, not a list. If you have a list, choose the thing that’s most fun or weird! Why should life be more difficult? Why not make it fun? Instead of trying to become a gym rat if you’re not, why not take a belly-dancing class?

If you feel you need to set goals, ask yourself this question and fill in te blank: “I have always wanted to do ____________.” Then go ahead and do it! Even if you start with the smallest task needed to accomplish your goal, you’ve started.

I believe in you! You are worthy, of love, kindness and respect. You’re more capable than you realize.

There’s only one you, so become fully yourself!

A final word:

• Here’s a life lesson in being effortlessly comfortable and “cool”.
• Changing how we see ourselves; moving from dislike when we yearn to be able to go forward into something more positive
• In a society that has you counting money, pounds, calories, and steps, be a rebel and count your blessings instead!
• The most important spiritual growth doesn’t happen when you’re meditating or on a yoga mat.
• You are allowed to be both a Masterpiece and a Work in Progress, simultaneously.
• If you focus too hard on the problem, the solution can often evade you.
• How people treat you is their karma… How you react is yours…
• It is always an inside work. It starts within us
• No matter how long you’ve traveled in the wrong direction, you can always turn around

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

I hope you’ll poke around my Archived Posts Main page divided up into 3 sub-pages: Mental Health and Rewiring the Brain || Healing and Developing Ourselves || Positive thoughts and Affirmations to find a wonderful trove of supportive and encouraging posts!
https://tamarakulish.com/

My books: Developing Happiness When You Can’t Find It and How to Heal Your Life on a Deep Heart Level are available in paperback and Kindle. Audiobooks are available for the busy person!

Guided Journals help you work on a particular issue by answering questions to help see patterns and to find solutions:

Removing Inner Blocks ||  Anger Journal || Guided Anxiety Journal  ||  Joy & Mindfulness Journal   ||  My Boundaries Journal  || My Inner Thoughts Journal   

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