Ooh, I came across this video a Biologist made about male attraction to younger women, and it’s really good! So good that I had to share it. It’s a bit of a longer video, but worth it I think.
I laughed when he got to the end and told men fairly explicitly how they can go about changing their desires for women their own age. This is my public service for women all over!
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/14McVwNeSCU/
Sexual desire as he points out isn’t inherent in us but rather it is strongly influenced by our culture and societal norms. Men’s penchants towards young girls and young women is a product of our culture’s portrayal of the female body and the sexualization of girls.
Many men try to defend their sexual preferences by saying it’s biology, but here we have a biologist clearly explaining that’s not the case.
Will many men watch it and change their behavior as a result? Probably not. However, more women will probably watch it, and then want to educate the men around them!
Let me know your thoughts!
- Change the tapes!
- Brain Rewiring
- Habit Power: We are what we repeat
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Tamara
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This is excellent! Thanks for sharing it. It hit on a few things I’ve been telling people: (1) shaving your hoo-ha is weird; (2) why would a middle-age and older man want a person who is their daughter’s age…that’s weird; and (3) those of us middle aged and older need to step into the ‘elder’ role we’re supposed to be in.
Thanks again for sharing this.
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Yes, I love your points! When I heard about shaving and waxing the hoo-ha I thought it was weird, but tried it since my husband at the time wanted it. I discovered I didn’t enjoy the process and the after-effects when it grew back in. I hadn’t watched porn, and once I found out that the actors shaved/waxed I understood how it had become so mainstream. I agree, it’s weird that men want the younger girls for relationships, but then so many of them need to control someone, and a younger person is ideal to manipulate. Agreed, us older people need to step into the “elder” roles, it’s just natural!
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Great post, Tamara. This biologist got my head spinning a little bit.
Here is my opinion: it all depends on the character of the individual. If I were single, I couldn’t see myself dating a younger woman more than 3–4 years younger than me. I’m 52, so there’s no way I would date a woman younger than 48. The same goes for dating an older woman, 3–4 years older is about my limit. It doesn’t make sense to me; level of maturity is my evaluation criterion. My wife is three months younger than me, just to put that out there.
President Macron is 47, and his wife is 72. They married in 2007, and there is a whole story behind that. President Trump is 79, and his wife is 55, and we know there is a story behind that as well. I read news every week about older women and older men doing unspeakable things with minors. Biology is what it is, but it’s our character that defines our choices.
Sorry for the long response.
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Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Yes, we humans do an awful lot of things we like to blame on biology, since it seems easier than admitting our preferences may be unhealthy. It always seems easier to blame something that seems external from us, rather that looking inside at our own damage and shadows. No matter where we are though, if we don’t like the road we’re walking on, we can choose a new one anytime, though it may take a little longer to find the healthy balance in life.
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You’re very welcome. Yes, some are experts at blaming biology, a spouse, children, or bosses instead of taking personal responsibility for their choices. I completely agree with you, we can always take a different road if we know we’re on the wrong one. Thank you for this great discussion.
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My pleasure Edward! Glad you took the time to talk!
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Men have actually claimed it’s biology? I hadn’t heard that. (What idiots. Sorry.) The conclusion that it comes from our culture and the over-sexualization of young women and girls makes sense. It also makes me want to vomit. But I’m glad to know this video was made. Good for that biologist. And I’m glad you brought this up again. I was just thinking about this issue again the other day.
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Right?! I totally agree with you. The sexualization of girls and then justifying it is gross. Many men just want sex, but there are those who seek out relationships with young women, as they say, “they haven’t been sullied”, but the truth is young women are gullible and will fall for the nonsense they’re told, because a large part of it is flattery. Unfortunately, those same men don’t want to have relationships with women their own age because the women are wise to their nonsense.
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Brilliant assessment, Tamara!
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Thanks so much! Your single line encourages me so much!
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I’m really passionate about topics like this. So I’m really appreciative that you shared what this biologist had to say. I know that going against the grain on a subject like this can lead to a lot of immature backlash from others. I thought he did such a fantastic job at illustrating the much healthier perspective to take on this issue. I’m very much biased to agree with him on this because I’ve had enough life experiences that have proven what he said to be true. Especially even more so lately in the current present.
I hate to think of men or women not having fulfilling love, romantic, and sexual experiences with someone that they can justifiably trust just because we have been taught very immature standards, tastes, and rigid preferences when it comes to sexuality. Unfortunately, this is a problem that men have created. And in my opinion, women are not responsible for the unhealthy version of sexuality that exists in our culture overall. I’ve seen women throughout the years when not infected with patriarchal narratives about themselves express their sexuality in very healthy ways just like the biologist explained. And so I’ve been taking lessons along the way from these women and applying them in my context. And that’s how I came to the experiences that what that Biologist said was true. Because that’s how at least the women that I’ve encountered, have behaved with their sexuality over the years. I think they are more prone to just ‘get it’ because they have a lot more natural maturity then men because of the patriarchal indoctrination that men have been programmed to believe from childhood.
This is absolutely great stuff! 👍🏻
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I love your point of view Chris, it’s very refreshing. The ability to have healthy, mature relationships is absolutely dependent on being emotionally healthy and mature oneself.
I think it’s very telling when men keep choosing girlfriends who are decidedly under 30. They fool themselves into thinking they’re super-studs, but they’re fooling themselves the most. Learning to embrace aging allows us to interact more deeply with people of all ages, and choosing a partner in our own age range allows for more common interests and abilities.
Many men feel very flattered that a young woman will choose them as a partner, but that young woman may be seeking financial stability and not be enamored by the man himself.
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Thank you for sharing this link, Tamara and thanks to him for sharing his sound and healthy messages. 👍🏻
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My pleasure Michele! This is a topic that deserves more attention. So many men are lonely these days, but male culture has created a fantasy of entitlement that if they can’t attract a younger woman then they write ff women their own age. If they were to be realistic that a young woman doesn’t usually find an older male to be sexually attractive, they might stop themselves from throwing themselves at the young things and stop their cycle of rejection. They might even be able to find someone they have more in common with and enjoy their time together.
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A topic needing more attention, yes and your reply thoughtfully and intelligently adds to the conversation. Of course, there are scenarios both online and in person that contribute to the artificial attention and false love that are surely contributing to the loneliness you mention. Thank you, Tamara.
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Without a doubt Michele! Without researching and writing a book, a simple post won’t encapsulate the whole picture. We live in complicated times!
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Well, Tamara, I am not on Facebook and sorry I missed the biologist.
My professional discipline is not human sexuality, but have read enough to believe it was in the interest of making more little humans for early men and woman to have sex frequently and do so early.
Why? Because many of the offspring would die and the fathers and mothers also had a short life expectancy.
The men who chose older women had a reduced chance of spreading their genes since they would not live long enough to raise their children to the point that they could care for and protect themselves.. As a result, they are not our ancestors.
Put differently, we are the inheritors of those men who had sex with healthy, young women.
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That’s part of the myth of much older men choosing young women, and we have bought into it.
The biologist pointed out that it takes 18+ years to raise and care for a child, so the older guys aren’t looking at that aspect of raising kids, particularly when we consider that male sperm loses its motility and health to produce healthy offspring as a man heads north of age 45 to 50. They’re looking for a quickie in bed or to have a young thing on their arm to boost their ego.
Our society has fooled us with the sexualization of girls and very young women, that men in their 50s and 60s will choose a young woman over a woman in their own age bracket.
The idea of an older male seeking companionship with an older woman is just not talked about enough or portrayed as a desirable goal to have.
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I think we are talking about two things: evolution (which does not require thoughtfulness with respect to the sexual drive of the early men who had largely young women available to them for the most part) and old guys of 2025 chasing young women. I still think the evolutionary factor stands up, though I would agree with you that other factors may be in play in contemporary men. I agree that older men seeking companionship with an older woman needs more conversation. I know more than a few men who seek just that, and often have found it. Thanks, Tamara.
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True, if a man wants to start a family, choosing a youngish woman works out better to get a healthy baby, but if he’s older, his sperm motility and quality goes down, so it’s better then for a younger man to partner up with a younger woman.
In our cuture we see a lot of older men chasing after younger women, usually for their younger, tighter bodies, but those flings don’t usually result in long-term relationships. These are the men who tell themselves it’s biology that they’re chasing a younger woman, but in truth, they probably haven’t matured beyond a more adolescent way of thinking. Unfortunately, us women are seeing many more emotionally adolescent men who are a little stunted in their ability to deal with life, and that probably ties very strongly into our youth obsessed culture.
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I don’t doubt that some older men pursue younger women. I would guess that this is more likely to occur (and succeed) when the men have money. I don’t have solid data on this, so it is merely an opinion. If you have data, Tamara, it would be interesting to know about it. Be well.
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“Having money” is all relative. Off the top of my head, I know a couple of older guys in my circle pursuing much younger women, and they’re not rich, they just happen to have steady decent paying jobs (under $100.000 per year). If a younger woman is seeking an older man for financial stability, he doesn’t necessarily have to be pulling in the big bucks. They each have different needs and find one another! I dont know overall statistics and since many people live together without formalizing anything, it may be difficult to get a true picture of the numbers of men.
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Love his perspective as a biologist, Tamara 😀 Thanks for sharing.
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Yes, I found his perspective to be refreshing, and it helps to year away the veil so to speak.
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So interesting! Thanks, Tamara!
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Thanks Wynne! I personally would like to see more movies and TV shows where older couples, 50 plus, are shown together as something vital and desirable to aspire to!
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I’ll definitely check it out, I strongly believe that it’s influenced by social norms and culture as well.
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Please let me know what you think. I don’t think he’s wrong!
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Will do, I’ll check it out tonight!
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😊😉
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