by Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/

What women say vs what men are hearing… in the dating world

I opted out of the dating world a couple of months ago, feeling discouraged with what I was encountering.

I wasn’t on the buzzy dating apps, instead I had opted for a low-key singles group in my area that set a policy of people meeting at events they organized, before diving into personal messaging. The idea was good and works well for younger women, but us older women got to watch in real-time how the men would gather around the younger women. *Sigh* Same old, same old, we’re considered to be too old for men our own age.

I came across the article below (shared to a Facebook group) that seemed to encapsulate what so many women are feeling. Even when a man shows interest, his efforts are so low. Many single men seem to be more focused on snagging a hot gal to have a quick shag, and women are looking for relationship material.

Men are complaining about feeling very lonely, and how they can’t seem to find any “good” women anymore, but I can’t help but wonder if they’re looking for the women of the before times, who accepted a man if he had a heartbeat. If he was good looking he’d get a lot of “action”, but even a snappy dresser had a chance to “get lucky”. Women used to use sex to snag a man into marriage, but that old trope seems to only be used by women looking for Sugar Daddies, not relationships.

Funny how this article pointed out a problem about what women say vs what men are hearing… in the dating world, and interestingly, in the comments section (on a shared post on Facebook) men seemed to validate what the author was saying. It was almost all men who commented, and their comments expressed laughing emojis and variations of ‘wgaf’, which seemed to completely ironically prove the point of the article!

Men seem to make life for women worse’: single US women share the woes of dating in 2025

“No matter what women say they look for in a relationship, it is completely ignored by men.”

“I’m happy to compromise on things. The bar is extremely low, and yet it’s rarely cleared.”

Men seem to make life for women worse’: single US women share the woes of dating in 2025

Gone are the days when men just needed to look hot, or cute, or just cool. These days women of all ages want more from men, and we’re not talking about financially, we’re talking about character, personality, a developed life, a steady job and stable finances, hobbies and interests.

Women used to HAVE to have a man, sometimes just to be able to have a place to live, because landlords often refused to rent to women. There were so many things a woman didn’t have access to without a man in her life, that women had to have almost no standards to welcome a man into her life, to be able to well, just live.

Now that women have been able to work, buy property, rent apartments, open credit lines, purchase vehicles, and a myriad of other things previously forbidden to a woman, we no longer HAVE to accept any man’s attentions.

Today women are choosing who they wish to spend time with and to partner up with. This seems to be leaving a great number of men out in the cold, and they’re not liking it.

I’m really happy to see more men making videos teaching other men how to level up, and it’s really just basic adulting, which for some men is a new concept.

Here’s a video with this kind of content. There’s a few swear words, just so you know, but the men it’s targeting probably won’t be offended. https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17Jiuj9b2X

Like many women these days, I’m interested in a man who adds to my life. If not, I’m quite happy living alone, creating and living the life I love.

Signed,
Not Looking

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for liking, sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

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49 thoughts on “What women say vs what men are hearing… in the dating world”

  1. I’ve said this on others’ blogs, etc.: I think women were being taught how to be independent, while men weren’t taught anything.

    That’s what we’re seeing now, an imbalance of maturity and knowledge. It’s almost as if they don’t know what to do if they have to bring more than 🍆 and money 💁🏽‍♀️

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    1. Ah, so true, so true. Some women did try to teach some men, bit often it fell on deaf ears. “Silly woman, what do you know?” Now men are in a place of needing to catch up, but many can’t and don’t want to do the work, hence the deep yearning to return to their former glory years of the 50s.

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      1. Exactly! They fail to realize that most young women don’t want to take care of their asses or only want them for resources (i.e., money, stability, housing), so now where does that leave them? Anywho, girl. Good luck as you traverse the shenanigans.

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    1. Good for you! Sometimes being single is the best gift we can give ourselves, for then we get to delve deeper into who we are and who we choose to be.

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  3. Absolutely Tamara! You said it perfectly! 👏 Maybe it’s wishful thinking for me to think that we’re on the last leg of the patriarchal and old school traditionalist frameworks for relationships between the sexes. But regardless, I hope and pray that at least some men out there are willing to let it go and move on for something better. Not just because they care about themselves, but because they actually care about how women think and feel too.

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    1. I’m loving the intentionality you’re choosing for yourself! I’m always very encouraged when I see men who get it. When we all grow, we all benefit.

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      1. I really appreciate you saying that! I’m grateful for your kind words. Men like myself have created a terrible environment for women for far too long. It’s time that female voices aid us in helping to fix and ultimately heal from all of the damage we as men have created.

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        1. There are so many of us who are happy to help men, but I think men will listen to other men a bit more, since some men feel any advice is male bashing.

          We all collectively have so much growing to do, on ourselves and with one another.

          I’m happy to see that there are men making videos to address these situations, both in a serious way and with humor.

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          1. Yes! That’s very true! I absolutely agree! From my experience, most men tend to be like this because of patriarchal programming. So naturally, most men are going to have to hear it from other men in order to wake them up, if they are ready to do the inner work that is. Which is why I’m glad that men are out there helping with their unique gifts to help get men on a much better path.

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  4. Dating is definitely so much more complicated now because women are much more open about what they’re looking for in a partner. In all honesty, I haven’t been dating much for quite a while now because of the difference in what I’m looking for and what men are bringing to the table.

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    1. It’s not just you, this is what women all over the world seem to be saying. Many men really don’t want to change, they don’t want to learn to self-regulate or how to adult, they would rather return back ti the 50’s when they were taken care of and their poor behavior excused.

      Women have choices now, we no longer HAVE to tolerate poor treatment just to keep a roof over our heads and food in our belly.

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        1. Yes, and men are slowly waking up to to notion that they need to level up to be welcomed into our lovely lives we have created for ourselves.

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            1. Yes, there’s a whole bunch of men dedicated to trying to make things revert back to old days of women having no say. They’re part of the reason why many women are opting to stay single!

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  5. We only ever project and attract what we are, and because of those many changes over the last 30 years…oh, what a minefield Tamara.

    But it has a purpose, it’s called life. The one thing that makes us face those fears , finally understand them, and no longer ‘need’ anything. It is a hard road, but at its end is a love like no other. This road is creating it.

    Me personally, I found a peace in understanding me and realizing all my fears were piling me with expectations that no one could live up to, so I would keep getting bitten emotionally until I went beyond them. Yes, I expect to walk down the street and not get bashed, robbed or abused. So what is the difference in expectations? Just our intent built on those very fears as we understand us and go beyond them.

    Great post kind lady. So many memories, so many emotional scars. I can laugh now, cringe at a memory or two, but understand what love is truly and be glad of each and every step that I took to understand me and go beyond it. Lot’s of love for your journey kind lady…and everyone else’s for that matter. Many the trip and stumble, but those very scars are building something wonderful 🤗❤️🙏

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    1. Yes, many memories! Thankfully the healing has been done, right?! I feel very happy and grateful to be filling my life with wonderful family and friends. I feel very satiated.

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      1. Weeeell, I have a few more bits to heal yet. But thankfully the main one is no longer whispering in my ear kind lady. I hope yours is silenced or only quietly mumbling off in the distance somewhere 🤗❤️🙏

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        1. Mine have been silenced, for which I’m grateful. You’re on a good path, keep going, you’ll get there.

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  6. Bulls-eye, Tamara. It maybe be that a younger generation of men are enlightened, but perhaps that, too, is wishful thinking. In any case, here’s to you and many other women I know!

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  7. We know a handful of single men and women, and all seem miserable with the dating scene, and it does seem to be a lack of communication or basic awareness.

    To play devil’s advocate, two of Dr. Zeus’ good friends’ wives cheated, took 70%+ of the marital assets, collect alimony, fought for full custody, and immediately moved in with the new boyfriend… and these are really good men, loving husbands and fathers, with successful career… but now extremely bitter, jaded, and have sworn off women. Unfortunately, I suspect a lot of the good men have been burned too badly to try again.

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    1. That’s so sad. I feel terribly for people who experience such things. Unfortunately there are some people who view divorce as an opportunity to score financially for themselves. Too many people getting hurt.

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        1. So true. Many people seem to be going through times of transition and just aren’t ready for a lasting relationship. Maybe they’re better of working through what they need to work through first.

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  8. Very interesting topic, Tamara. I’ve long left the dating scene, but have also observed that older men seek younger female partners. As I see it, from a sociological-historical perspective, the rise of female self-determination and financial independence in advanced Western societies may take centuries for a re-balancing of the male-female paradigm. Meanwhile, the patriarchy will continue to do everything in its power to maintain its dominance.

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    1. Sigh. I think you’re probably very right in your assessment Rosaliene. The people who are showing growth are the outliers. I dipped a toe into the dating world and it wasn’t something I want to continue.

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        1. On another note, I feel very happy to have wonderful friends and family in my life, as well as a wonderful job. Life is great as it is!

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  9. This is so upsetting to me, I had to stop reading. I watched an interview of a college professor talking about living through the advent of birth control when she was in college in San Francisco and seeing how it changed the climate of how men treated women. Women became bed post notches and little more. This is what we get from “free” sex. What you describe is the fallout from the Sexual Revolution. The only way women can regain respect and equality is to not have sex until marriage, IMO. If men want women, they need to work to earn them. And women need to respect themselves enough to not give in to get a men. See where that has gotten us? It’s totally backwards. Ugh. This drives me crazy.

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    1. I’m sorry this post triggered you, I can see how difficult this subject can be. I see where you’re coming from but I don’t see marriage as the goal post. I think that not getting sexual for quite a while and getting to know each other first builds trust and a good foundation for a long-term relationship.

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      1. That’s something, at least, though I think the longest term relationships are married ones. The argument can be made for marriages not lasting–true, but they last longer among couples who waited, statistically. You’re at a different stage in your life, so I get it. But foundationally, societally, the system needs a massive overhaul, and it starts with women having greater respect for themselves and not allowing themselves to be used. That video I mentioned was very eye-opening about the societal shift against women from the sexual revolution. Birth control was supposed to “liberate” them, but instead it was a dream come true for men. “Sex without consequences”–for them. Women and children were the losers. No sociologist can deny that the fallout of divorce on children is immense. Plus the poverty for women and children… This college professor pointed out how “buy me dinner first” was socially-sanctioned prostitution. She draws the line from that to divorce rates sky-rocketing and more. It was troubling, but so very logical the way she laid it all out.

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        1. I always saw the skyrocketing divorce rates due to women no longer HAVING to stay with a man just to keep a roof over her head or to be fed. Yes, the whole thing of “buy me dinner first before sex” was definitely a problematic thing for women, but now with financial independence women don’t feel pressured into having sex. I’m seeing more and more women having more and more self respect, hence choosing to remain single unless the man doesn’t take away the peace of mind she’s built for herself. Women are leveling up, and some men are, plus they’re trying to teach other men how to, but it’s going to be a long road.

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            1. It takes a lot of time and effort to get a ship to change direction. The world of relationships is no different. Some people are changing rapidly while others are gasping in surprise and trying to catch up.

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                1. Yes, unfortunately, very typical. Good matches are difficult to come by these days, so if someone has one, then cherishing who they’re with is extremely important!

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    1. Thanks! Yes it would be a good idea for men to level up, but maybe a lot of men know they’re not capable of it and so are wanting women’s rights to be taken away so things can return to how they were before. I can’t see a lot of women being okay with that!

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