“FreeCell is too hard for girls to play”… Myth busted, LOL!
Note: this story speaks about potentially difficult topics relate to racism, injustice.
Years ago, before smart phones, and when people could only play games on their computers, I had a boss who played FreeCell for most of his day. I had walked into his office and was curious what game he was playing, because I didn’t know the rules.
When I asked, he said, “FreeCell is too hard for girls to play”, to which I had said, teach me, and I’ll try it at home, so he showed me the ropes.
A few weeks later he asked me, in front of the whole office, “So how is it going with FreeCell? Have you given up?”
He was shocked when I said I loved the game. “Oh? How may games do you win on average? I bet you couldn’t beat me!”
He was surprised to learn that not only had I not given up because “it was too hard” but that I enjoyed it. He figured I was a glutton for punishment and just enjoyed losing over and over, so he was shocked when I replied back that I was averaging one win for one loss (at that time). (I’ve gotten better now!)
His business partner howled with laughter and said that “Peter” only could dream of doing that well, that if he won 1 game for every 3 or 4 losses, that was a good day. The small office, (except for myself) entirely men, guffawed and elbowed “Peter”, which made him shift uncomfortably on his feet and retreat to his office.
Soon after that experience, all my accounts that I had worked so hard on to change from being money losses into being profitable were taken from me. (I was supposed to receive the commissions from these accounts each month, for the life of the account.) No explanation was given, but the partner who had to give me the news told me that “Peter” had felt humiliated and this was his way of punishing me.
Ah the old days when we’d get punished and “put back in our place”…
I did stand up for myself and say that if “Peter” hadn’t turned it into a pissing contest in front of everyone he could have spared himself the whole thing, because I wasn’t interested in showing off.
Unfortunately, when I left that position and applied for unemployment insurance, he contested it, saying I wasn’t an employee but an independent contractor. I then had to try prove that I was, so I received a summons to visit one government office and was told to bring all paperwork and paystubs I had received.
Then the Karma train came for them.
The federal government and IRS had been trying to pin a number of charges one boss but he kept sliding away from them, slimy bugger!
My paperwork not only proved that I was in fact an employee and I got UI benefits, but because the Feds had flagged his company and it was actively being investigated, my pay stubs did him in because he had paid me out of a numbered company that the Feds didn’t know about, but tied their whole case up in a pretty bow. He ended up being arrested and spent time in prison. I laughed when I heard that old white man finally got what was coming to him, not only for breaking the laws, but for being an a**h**** to women and being incredibly racist and rude to any person of color who came into the office!
Misogyny and other prejudices in the workforce have abated a lot in the past few years, because it became “politically incorrect” to say untrue and demeaning things to people. I hear many, mostly older white men (OWM) lamenting that they no longer can speak freely about what’s on their minds, and fervently hope for a return to “the good old days”.
It is usually the OWM who yearn to return to the days when they could say anything to anybody, because it propped up their egos at the expense of everyone else. They no longer get weak laughs from their victims who “play nice” so they don’t get punished in some way down the road for not accepting this humiliation “like a sport” but instead who are speaking up.
With all the advancements that were happening in the workplace, there was also a lot of push-back from the old stalwarts who were coming to resent their kingdoms being changed and their views on how “things should be” were fast becoming irrelevant.
Change is incredibly difficult for many to adapt to, even if it is helpful and healthy.
If a group of people have experienced relative insulation from change for centuries, and just took their positions in life and society for granted, never to be questioned, change becomes a dirty word.
When change has become so obvious that it looks like things will never return to the “the good old days”, what’s a person to do when they no longer enjoy being at the “top of the pyramid” and are just one of the many?
Well, the push-back in the USA has seen laws being made to make it difficult or impossible for people of color to vote, or laws severely governing a woman’s body, life and choices. We have seen how the legal system has been used to punish people of color while too many whites get off scot-free with a slap of the hand.
The “the good old days” that some crave were only good for them but were terrible for all others, but that’s not something they wish to acknowledge.
The fact that women, people of color and other minorities no longer wish to be “second-class” citizens who have to continuously absorb hurtful comments, live in substandard places, accept lower wages and positions, and “know their place” is upsetting the minority of people who benefitted from the old system.
They have done and are continuing to do whatever they can to try to force all of us back to a world where they are #1, treated well, while others trail well behind, because “that’s the natural order of things”.
Recently I heard a story that deeply revolted me, for I saw this desire to punish anyone who didn’t “know their place” and who wished to better themselves.
Not everyone has heard of the practice of “redlining” in the USA, where decades ago bankers drew lines on maps with red pens outlining the neighborhoods where people of color lived. Any house within a redlined area was deemed of lower value, and so mortgages were difficult to obtain, home improvement loans were non-existent in those areas, and after decades, the property values lagged severely behind non-redlined areas.
Ah, it doesn’t stop there. No indeed.
The story that shocked me was one I heard on the NPR radio station, but I haven’t been able to find it on their website to reference it.
NPR had found out that decades ago a rich white man had bought up hundreds of properties in North St. Louis, one of the redlined districts, for the express purpose of allowing the properties to fall into severe disrepair, thus bringing down the property values for entire neighborhoods. This article speaks about the severe neighborhood declines, but one of the causes remained a secret for decades and is still mostly unknown.
I heard the journalist speaking of this, and I waited with baited breath to see if the story would be picked up by other news outlets. Nothing. I can’t even find it on the NPR site.
This kind of evil long-game, where an individual or groups of individuals use their wealth to destroy any potential wealth or advancement of entire neighborhoods shows a tip-of-the-iceberg what has been done to keep themselves in their #1 spot, and everyone else firmly below them, meanwhile deriding the residents as being “less than”. This was deliberately done in one city, and I doubt that St. Louis was an isolated situation. One only has to dig a little deeper into stories of wealthy black neighborhoods that were burned to the ground or were razed to make way for freeways.
As much as we’re supposed to be in a “post-racist” era, laws are being passed to limit people’s rights and the ability to express or live them are quietly being passed in more and more states and districts across the nation. With many of these laws, many citizens are no longer feeling safe to live there, and so are seeking to move away.
We aren’t in a “post” anything world. The foment is actively still happening, all sides (for it is more than “them” or “us”, showing us that we live in a time of turmoil and change. New lines are being drawn or attempted to be drawn, and people are wrongly being told to pick a side, as if there were only 2 points of view to consider.
If something is wrong or hurtful to others, we need to continue to stand up for the rightful thing, and not just to fight to preserve or restore the old hurtful status quos.
This requires bravery and keeping our moral compasses intact, for choosing to become a “winner” at the expense of everyone else isn’t being a winner, but a tyrant.
What are your thoughts?
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Blessings!
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Tamara
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Tamara Kulish 
The OWM who long for a return of “the good old days” continue their covert “evil long-game,” as in the case of “redlining” that you mention, to “put [us] back in our place.” Tragically, when “the Karma train [comes] for them,” with our planetary climate and ecological crises, all of humanity will suffer the consequences of their arrogance and greed.
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Yes, well I hope their Karma train comes for them before that! I would love to see them seeing the error of their ways and doing all they can to change things, but I know, I am naïve in my fantasies! I pray you aren’t right, but I know in my heart you are.
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I have seen this first hand, being a “woman of color.” I never really thought of myself like that, as I am eight nationalities, but that’s how others see me.
The only thing I do not agree on is abortion. I understand the plight of women who find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy. They are desperate, alone, and panicky. However, I can’t condone something that kills another human being. Especially, seeing my sister and her husband go through infertility. I’m not saying that anyone should have control over your body, but the baby is not your body, but their own person with their own soul. Yes, there is a symbiotic relationship there, but I can’t help but wish we could cherish both woman AND child. So sad.
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Yes, people will see you for what is on the outside and their own preconceptions will kick in. I see many people working hard to make things change, but for now the line hasn’t moved much.
I wasn’t able to go through with an abortion when I became pregnant while on powerful medication, before I had my daughter, and I had a team of 10-12 doctors in the room with me pushing me to get one. I asked for a night to think about it, and that evening I had a miscarriage. Even after that experience, I still stand by others having the right to make their own decisions, based on their own situations. Unfortunately, there will always be, as there have always been, women seeking abortions for one reason or another, and I would prefer them to have medically safe options than to have to go back to the old back-alley, coat hanger days.
My personal beliefs aren’t more important than another person’s are, and I don’t have the right to force my beliefs onto others, and that is why I support choice for women.
I have had heard stories of kids having memories of “being in Mummy’s tummy before” and then being born. That defies logic, but is still heartwarming, for an aborted baby’s soul wasn’t killed, it was born into another body.
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Wow! What a crazy story about your former boss. That’s cool that he got his in the end thanks to you. He totally deserved it. Well done to you on so many fronts!
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I find it funny that he actually did it to himself by taking away all my accounts! By going to Unemployment Insurance, they alerted the IRS who did their job. I was astonished that it happened and I didn’t set out to “fix his clock”! Yes, I was delighted he got his!
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Karma. 🙂
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Yup, I loved that!
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You’re right. We aren’t in a “post” world. All these things still exist, perhaps more subtly but it’s still there.
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Yes, you’re right. They’ve gotten cleverer at doing it. They hated the “politically correct movement” because they could no longer discriminate or denigrate openly, so they became master of subterfuge and gaslighting.
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You’re so right. The only people who have an issue with being “politically correct” are people who was to discriminate and are mad they can’t continue with their micro-aggressions.
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Hmmm, yes! I’ve noticed that too! They can no longer just spout off whatever is in their brain, but now need a filter! Imagine that!
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People are always so mad when they realise their actions have consequences now…
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I’m actually loving how they get caught now! It’s very satisfying after seeing them get away with so much garbage over the years!
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Soooo satisfying! And now that we can take videos and pictures they can’t even lie their way out of it!
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LOL! Indeed! That is definitely an upside to social media! Though I must confess to feeling disappointed to not observing one since I got a smart phone years ago! Haven’t seen a Karen go off in person either. Would be satisfying to record!
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Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of the Karen videos and seeing a Karen in the wild would be very interesting. Maybe you’ll be able to record one someday. If that happens do share it lol!
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“A Karen in the wild”! ROTFLMAO! I’m not sure how I’d react! If a wild animal charges at you, you freeze for a moment before getting into action! I hope I wouldn’t freeze too long and forget about recording it! 😅🤣 If I do, I’ll have to create a post to try to explain it!
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Lol true, you’re generally so shocked it’s hard to remember to record in that moment but it’s a good idea to in case they try to call the cops or something. So many do that! 😤
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I play FreeCell all the time. What nerve! Glad you got the best of it.
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Right? I couldn’t believe that someone could be so sexist over a game and sought out revenge. That went beyond the pale, but I was happy to get to see the Karma train, because we don’t always get to see it do we?
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Wow, Tamara, such an interesting essay. I loved your office story, even while railing in my head against the treatment you received. So satisfying there was some comeuppance at the end.
But to the NPR and your point overall, it is disheartening to say the very least. The way others try to climb up off the backs of others is awful and terrible to witness. If we can remember to stand up for ourselves and others, to live with love instead of fear and help others do the same, hopefully we can keep pushing towards love. And I love your call to action to live with bravery and a moral compass. Yes!
Beautiful, Tamara!
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Thank you Wynne! Yes, it was a pleasure to see the Karma train come for that old boss. We don’t always get that pleasure!
Re the NPR story, that guy wasn’t even climbing on the backs of anyone to get ahead personally, he was simply setting out a long term plan to destroy a community. He succeeded too, because North St. Louis suffered terribly. Thankfully there are now some people who are actively working to restore the area and help bring back pride of place to an area that was blighted.
The best possible Karma train story from that would be to hear the man’s family became aware of what he did, and are going to throw themselves into helping get the area back on its feet. That would be poetic justice.
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Well done dear lady. It does indeed attract exactly as it should 😀❤️🙏
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Yes, indeed Mark! I hope these words will inspire more good actions to happen and to continue those that have already started!
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“for choosing to become a “winner” at the expense of everyone else isn’t being a winner, but a tyrant.”
Well said, so true! Thank you for writing about this topic an sharing your own personal experiences. It’s both heartbreaking, and anger inducing. I do feel exposing the reality of the past to more people, would open more eyes to the cruelty. At least in my education, everything was glossed over, and there was an air of “but now we know better, and all is fixed”.
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Yes, we fool ourselves very easily and we pull the wool over our eyes, then mistakenly proclaim ourselves cured, when in fact we only put a band-aid on top. We’re just getting started on so many levels!
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Good for you, Tamara! The long-standing nature embedded in humankind does not easily submit. We always seem to want to be at least one flight up in station from others.
When the enfranchisement of blacks diminished the status of poor whites after the defeat of the Confederate states in the U.S. Civil War, it should be no surprise that the KKK arose. The remaining question some of your sympathetic readers might ask is how best to make their voices heard beyond registering to vote and casting their ballots. Thanks for your much-needed essay.
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Thank you Dr. Stein for seeing the value in these words, that there is much more for us to do beyond just the minimum. Unfortunately just doing the minimum is proving very challenging for so many now. It will require much greater effort to accomplish, and hopefully we can move beyond it I to the directions we need to.
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