Being kind is often correlated with being nice, but is that true? What is the difference between the two?

Being nice is when you are polite to people and treat people well. Being kind is when you care about people and show you care. Sometimes you can be kind to someone even though you aren’t nice to them and you can certainly be nice to someone but also be unkind.

click to see full article: Owen Fitzpatrick

Being nice is often interchanged with being kind, yet there are some basic differences.

Being nice: is usually connected with how we have been socialized to behave, and not showing our real emotions is tied deeply to needing to “be nice” at all times. Being nice isn’t always about being our authentic selves, as it is about “not rocking the boat”.

Being kind: is more of a character trait of a caring, empathic person who finds an authentic way to help someone. This one is harder to do because it takes thoughtfulness and some time to put it into action.

Kindness and niceness are in conflict sometimes. Telling a flailing employee they’re flailing with the aim of helping them improve isn’t very nice. But it is kind. Calling out bias in a meeting isn’t nice, it’s awkward. It is also kind. Being chipper can even be actively unkind if your positivity is directed toward someone who is suffering and obliges the other party to hide their true feelings in the name of niceness (this is called toxic positivity). 

Which may be why positive psychology site Project Happiness comes down definitively in favor of kindness over niceness. “While niceness maintains a facade that our lives are together and assumes that same status quo for others, kindness gives permission for real success and failure. Kindness defaults to an understanding that life can be hard, but that emotional support helps,” the site argues. 

click to see full article: Jessica Stillman

Being too “nice” can affect our mental and physical health adversely, because the stress created by stuffing our authentic feelings and selves down in order to appear pleasant and pleasing takes a toll.

Symptoms of being too nice include but are not limited to:

• Frustration and anger
• Resentment
• Eating/drinking/shopping all your feelings away
• Crying into your pillow
• Crying in the bathroom

Being overly accommodating is often a symptom of low self-confidence. When you don’t value yourself, you’ll turn to others for their validation.

But this is a vicious cycle – When you look for validation from others, you reinforce the idea that your own wants, needs, and desires aren’t important. You step out of your authentic self. And it’s easy to get confused about who you are.

You trade others liking you for you liking you. You find yourself chasing after the approval of others. You’re terrified of the idea that someone won’t like you or they’ll have negative thoughts about you.

Because all of your value is dependent on their thoughts and feelings. If someone doesn’t like you, it just reinforces all those negative beliefs you have about yourself.

click to see full article: Erica Hanlon Coaching

Our low self-esteem affects so many areas of our lives, doesn’t it? I was very surprised to learn this, and when I worked very hard on teaching myself to like myself, I was surprised by how many other things just shifted in my life.

How to stop being so nice

Here are some things to consider as you think about transitioning from always “making nice” to becoming kinder:

• Stop looking for your worth outside of yourself. There is no job, relationship, or cute outfit that will make you believe you’re enough. Confidence comes from your thoughts. End of story.
• Be aware of the thoughts leading to your people-pleasing. Do you believe taking care of yourself is selfish? Why? How is that not true? How is people-pleasing actually manipulating and hurting those around you?
• Imagine yourself saying standing up for yourself. Let’s start with those imaginary conversations you have in the car, the shower, or in the mirror after the fact (you know you do it). How do you feel when you act those out? Now go do it.
• Remember – You’re not responsible for others’ feelings. People’s feelings come from their thoughts, not your actions. Your actions are neutral. They will make of it what they will.
• Take a risk. Start small. Tell the DirectTV guy at Costco “no thank you.” Walk down the Las Vegas strip and say “No thank you” to everyone who tries to give you a stripper flyer. Or be like me and stand up for yourself when a cashier is rude to you.

CLICK TO SEE FULL ARTICLE: ERICA HANLON COACHING

What are your thoughts about this? Did any bells ring inside your head when you read any of the points above?

Are you waiting for the cogs of the Universe to change so your life can change?

What would happen if you gave yourself a chance to build yourself up? Check out some of the articles below to learn how you can do this.

Know this: I believe in your ability to make the changes you want to make in your life!

…and lastly… being kind could actually save someone’s life! Think about when strangers intercede to help someone out who is in danger. A person who is set on being nice and not creating a scene most likely would sit passively while a terrible scene unfolded in front of them, while a kind person is more concerned about doing the right thing, regardless of whether or not people give them the side-eye for speaking up!

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessings!
Thank you for sharing this post and for following me!
Tamara

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